skeet on mischa

Moving Boxes

2007-11-08T19:32:00.000-08:00

I hope that y'all aren't as lost and confused as Vanessa Hudgens is because you don't know where you could find brand new updates from your humble narrator.

If you don't know, then you know cause you can find the empire at its home: skeetonmischa.tumblr.com. It's fun and flirty, but sort of a broken record right now; yadda yadda....strike this....strike that...yadda.

Anyways, hope that you make the move over and don't worry about having to update your links.

Nomadic

2007-11-01T17:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I just saw a story about John Mark Karr and the woman whose happily in love with him. It creeped me out big time. I nearly lost my lunch like the time when that over weight couple violently and passionately made out on the jumbotron at the Dodgers game (Hey, Frank McCourt way to challenge Artie Mureno on the quest to be the west coast version of the Yankees).

Any ways, ripping off Spencer Sloan, I'm going to do some posting over here for a minute or two.

A Piece of Advice; From Me to You

2007-11-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

If you're a gutter punk, you just can't sleep on the beach with a couple of regular blankets, let alone a pink blanket. You guys can't be gutter punks like that. Your name says it all, gutter punks, so you should be sleeping on the street or in an alley somewhere. Not on a nice beach with some comfy blankets as the sun sets. If you're just putting out the vibe that you're just really into The Lost Boys. Either you want to become a vampire or meet up with Cory Feldman & Cory Haim and fight some vampires later on that night. Catching a quick disco nap before a long night of fighting off blood suckers.

Michelle, My Belle

2007-10-30T08:43:00.000-07:00

A Terrence Malick Film Going into Production as soon as March of Next Year!!!!!! Amazing, great, brilliant, awesome news! I wonder who his cinematographer is going to be? Emmanuel Lubezki? Harris Savides? Ellen Kuras? Roger Deakins? I could care less about the cast; it's honestly all about the cinematographer with a brand new Malick film. I hope it's either Emmanuel Lubezki or Darius Khondji, but maybe Malick will come through and just shock the nerd community with his choice.

This is my attempt at being a normal blogger; I hope it goes well. So, I saw a piece on the TMZ show about Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo (there’s a small part of me that wants to call him, Tony Roma’s) partying with Britney Spears over the weekend. Apparently, the Cowboys are having a great season and in the past this Romo character has been linked with some pretty decent famous girls in the past such as Sophia Bush and the surprisingly and increasingly hot Carrie Underwood. While here at the Empire, we find hot mess, I can’t take care of my kids, let alone manage to put on a pair of clean undies, but for a cat like Tony Romo, he could do so much, much better than Britney Spears. A man of Tony Romo’s stature should be hanging out with a “I’m A Slave For You” era Britney Spears; not Kevin Federline’s sloppy seconds. Tony Romo should be sticking around with a girl like Carrie Underwood or if he wants to slut it up, then holler at Eva Angelina or somebody of that particular caliber. Britney Spears of today is kind of like pop music version of Norma Desmond. Just wait for it, you’ll see what I mean. There’ll be some aspiring singer floating in her pool one day.

And I’m watching TMZ; I’ll be honest with you, I love TMZ: the TV show. I honestly try to watch it every night. I can’t explain why I watch it. Maybe it’s the “What the fuck” expression on Harvey Levin’s face every time he’s pitched a story or finally putting a face behind the woman who mysteriously fills my inbox with e-mail alerts about the David Copperfield investigation. Anyways, I’m watching the show the other night and they’re doing a story about Kate Hudson’s Halloween Party and all of the famous people who went to it. It seemed if you were either an above the line talent or an assistant or the assistant for Kate Hudson’s manager and agent, you probably had to be there. This is when I realized that I could never ever be famous. With fame and celebrity comes with the constant media attention and what not, but also comes that unwritten rule that you’re instantly best friends with other famous people because who else can understand what you’re going through, right? I don’t know if I could ever be friends with Kate Hudson or a person of a similar nature. If I can’t manage to make it out to catch the latest Kate Hudson picture, what makes me think I could go to her party? I’d go if I knew that Kurt Russell was going to be there because I’d want to meet him and talk about John Carpenter movies, but other wise than that, I don’t know if I could manage to be a room with a bunch of famous people. Large groups of white people tend to scare me a great deal.

At the same time, it goes to show that famous people are normal people just like you and me. You know that some guy was dragged to the party by his girlfriend as if he was being dragged to Karen from accounting’s party.

A potentially surprising fact about me, I don’t really like Halloween as a holiday. Obviously, I’m not the son of a dentist because post Halloween cavity season may have put many pairs of spiffy sneakers upon my feet. I just don’t know, but I haven’t been a fan ever since the fourth grade when I got a black eye from some guy who ran into me. He cried, I didn’t. It’s a holiday that I could do with, personally speaking. Nobody needs candy these days. Let’s try to be healthy for a change, America. Let’s have a holiday that encourages people to eat healthy and exercise.

Then again, if I had somebody to go to a costume party or two with, then I’d probably hum a whole new tune.

Apparently, somebody other than frequent commentors Najork & C-Dice reads this because the extremely funny Garth Marenghi’s “Darkplace” is coming to Adult Swim starting November 9th. Get Excited!

Also, the very excellent and very important and very necessary documentary No End in Sight is now available on DVD. Order it from Amazon, rent it from Netflix. Just watch this film by any means necessary. I’d give copies of the film away as Christmas gifts, but that’d be a shitty gift for any Republicans on my shopping list.

Get Excited! about the possibility of A-Fraud coming to the Angels. The Angels need a big hitter and Angles owner Artie Moreno wants to be the west coast version of George Steinbrenner, so it only makes sense. It beats fucking Barry Bonds, new general manager guy.

The thing about Anton Corbijn’s feature debut Control is that at first, the film feels exactly like every other musical biopic to come out within the last few years. The structure of the story is pretty much the same. Marriage problems, troubles dealing with fame and success, etc. Yet, the more I think about the film, the better and better the film becomes. Control is a very haunting film that will stick with you for a few days and most likely make you buy every Joy Division album that you can get your hands upon. It’s a rather dark and bleak film, but thanks in large to Corbijn and his cinematographer Martin Ruhe, Control is a visually rich and striking film. For a film that’s about music, it’s a largely quiet film that allows one to get lost in the black and white cinematography. The performances are amazing; in particular and it goes without saying, Sam Riley as Ian Curtis, one of the best performances of the year. Control is not only one of the best films of the year, but the best musical biopic thus far.

No More Bad Town aka Fish & Chips

2007-10-29T08:27:00.000-07:00

I think I saw an article a couple of weeks back somewhere or in many places about the failure of adult dramas recently as well as the failure of Iraq War related dramas at the box office and with critics. The marketplace is over crowded with films for the adults when a majority of the theater going public would rather watch the Rock take care of a small child or people getting poked with sharp objects for 90 minutes instead of Jake Gyllenhaal dealing with the rights and wrongs involved in torturing an alleged terror suspect.

Perhaps the main reason why people are staying away in droves because these Iraq films aren’t very good and who wants to spend money just to be bummed out by what’s going on with the world? Also, I personally think it’s just too soon to watch films about what’s going on. We need a little more time and distance and space before we can watch films about what’s going on with the world. Or more importantly, if anybody wants to watch a film about the war in Iraq, they should just watch Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket. On the newly remastered DVD, there’s a mini documentary about the making of the film and there’s a great line from cinematographer/director Ernest Dickerson about the film. Dickerson basically said that Kubrick made a film about urban warfare. Not only the Vietnam, but also fighting a war in an urban environment and I don’t think any film out there now or coming out within the next year or two will be able tackle warfare in such a strange and weird and urban environment the way that Kubrick has with
Full Metal Jacket.

That film is over twenty years old, but still holds to this date, if not it’s strangely more relevant today. I mean it goes without saying, but that new Stanley Kubrick box set is essential and very, very, very necessary.

Speaking of very, very, very necessary: “42nd Street Forever Volume 3: Exploitation Explosion” comes out in January 2008. The first two volumes were nothing sort of outstanding; so hopefully the third installment will be just as good. Now only if we could get a decent wide screen release of Raiders of Atlantis on DVD, then everything would be just kosher, wouldn’t it?

Well, not really. There’s a lot of bullshit going on in the world that’ll probably never ever be solved. The Red Sox won the World Series again. Something is definitely not right in the world if that can happen, again. Something is of course wrong with the world if I’ve found myself enjoying songs by Spank Rock. Something has to, just has to be wrong with the world cause whenever I try to record “Zoey 101: Curse of the PCA” on DVR, it never ever records or just disappears all together from the programming grid. Something has to be wrong with the world, just has to be wrong with the world if we all know who Brody Jenner is.

I know that it may be very in vogue to complain about “30 Rock” these days, but the problem with it this season, is so simple to solve. Remember during the first season how pretty much every episode was about Jack and Liz Lemon. Those were usually the A & B storylines with a fairly decent C storyline involving Tracy Jordan. Then the writers would weave the supporting characters into each of the storylines and occasionally giving one of the said characters their own storyline. The show would go weeks without featuring the Jena character and it’d be great. It was funny and it was consistently. Yet now, it seems as if “30 Rock” is playing it a little too safe. The storylines are spread too thin this season. There’s a Kenneth the Page storyline cause people love Kenneth; there’s a Tracy storyline; there’s a Jack storyline; there’s a Liz Lemon storyline and there’s a Jenna storyline. It’s too much. They need to scale back a tiny bit and just have characters like Kenneth, Pete, and Jenna just pop into storylines and be funny. It’s just too much. It’s still good and better than most shows today.

So, I guess that the Blood Brothers broke up, total bummer. But Johnny, the main vocalist of the Blood Brothers is in a new band called Jaguar Love with another dude from the Blood Brothers and J. Clark formerly of Pretty Girls Make Graves. They’re going to be at Cine Space on Tuesday night if you want to brave that social cluster fuck. I’d go, but I’d probably wear something plaid and give off the appearance of trying way too hard. Jaguar Love is also opening up for Queens of the Stone Age at their show tonight at the Nokia Theater in Downtown. The thing about the new band is that it sounds an awful lot like the Blood Brothers just a bit slower and not as chaotic and maybe a bit more jazzier and mellower; it’s kind of Neon Blonde, but not as upbeat.

Can somebody please explain the appeal of the Saw films to me? I was watching one of those Bravo specials about the scariest movies ever made and the special naturally featured clips from a couple of the Saw pictures and I just didn’t get it. So, it’s basically 90 minutes of people being forced to do horrible and terrible things to themselves and others in order to live? And there’s a bunch of jump cuts and shitty, hacky editing techniques as well? I’m not a fan of the Hostel films, but at least Eli Roth has an interesting visual style behind his films. I just don’t understand the appeal of these movies beyond Miike’s masterful Audition. That film is a masterpiece of torture horror because it fucks with your head and you actually care about the main character. These films, granted I haven’t watched any of the films, but it seems that the characters in the Saw films are just presented together in some room and basically cut each other up without any back story or any history given, right? I understand the appeal of horror films. I’d consider a fairly decent fan of the genre, but I enjoy a horror film with a certain degree of style to it. Why can’t the young folks be into movies like Suspiria? Why can’t the troubled youth of today appreciate a sequence like this one[NSFW]? It’s still scary and gross and disturbing, but look at the production design! Look at the cinematography! It’s a violent act, but it’s still beautiful.

Maybe it’s a lost cause like a girl wearing glasses even though she doesn’t need them. She just wants that cute, nerdy girl vibe coupled in with that handsome actor affect. Or perhaps a better statement is: maybe, it’s a lost cause like trying to find a photo of Audrey Kitching without any make up on.

And finally, Lars and the Real Girl is good. People should watch it. It’s funny. It’s weird. It’s a little bit touching. Ryan Gosling is excellent. Paul Schneider needs to be in more movies; he’s good. Kelli Garner is kind of like a hotter version of Sarah Polley (I need to watch The Sweet Hereafter, by the by). Everybody’s good in it. Sure, the film turns up the quirky factor a little too much, but it’s still good. It should be noted that the audience I saw the film had me a bit confused at the beginning. The trailer for Juno was attached to and it didn't get many laughs; I started to worry that if they weren't laughing at Juno, I'm going to be the only one who'll like this film. It'd be like The New World all over again. Yet they got it and were into it.

The Karyn Meeting

2007-10-24T08:57:00.000-07:00

I don’t mean to bum everybody out, but the fires in Southern California are still weighing very heavily on my mind. You know, there’s nothing that I could do other than hope and pray and hope some more and pray some more and check in with the people that I love and care about who may or may not be in fire danger. You know, just gotta let the fire fighters do their job to the best of their ability and hope that Mother Nature becomes a major buddy and does a solid. I understand the need and the desire to stare and gawk at the fire; take a cool picture and put it on Flickr or whatevs, but maybe, it’s for the best if we let the firefighters do their thing and watch for coverage on the TV and the intranet. Another thing about the fire or at least the way it’s being handled aside for the OC Fire Authority chief and politician Todd Spitzer (I think I may have voted for him, I can’t recall)’s collective flare up about the inability to use helicopters yesterday, but the state government has been doing an amazing job the past couple of days. Yes, it is a state of emergency and people will need government assistance to help them back on their feet, but I think the last thing that Southern California right now is a visit from GW Bush. I believe I read in the LA Times on Tuesday morning that Bush was somewhat reluctant on releasing cots and other supplies from Camp Pendleton to Qualcomm Stadium. It’s just a photo op and I don’t think he’s going to do some wondrous magic to help stop the fire or rebuild peoples’ homes. Just let the Governator keep on doing what he’s doing and we’ll be kosher like a sandwich from Canter’s.

Now, I worry about a couple of things. One, in the next local election, it’ll become a battle between politicians about how much they love and care and support the firefighters and how we need more equipment and support for firefighters. The firefighters of Southern California deserve all of the best equipment, supplies, whatever they want because if anything is a real and scary danger out here, it’s a fire. Yeah, an earthquake will be a major problem, if one ever hits. Where as fires, they tend to happen right around October every year. Get on the trolley, Scaratomatoe and pass more laws to help out with the people that are breaking their backs to save houses and places of business.

I also worry that all of this endless fire coverage is beginning to take a toll on some people. Hand to god, I was walking into a supermarket yesterday afternoon, humming the opening keyboard part of the Mika Miko song, “The Dress,” and this old guy who was leaving the supermarket hummed the same part back at me. So, either old guys are getting cooler and into Mika Miko or people are just losing their mind watching endless hours of aerial footage of Stevenson Ranch burning.

Although, I’d say this though I wish that TMZ or more of a show similar in nature was more involved with the local fire coverage. I’d like to hear Zannessa’s opinion about the fire as well as their thoughts on Britney’s new album.

And now a moment of brevity: Twins!

Back to the stupid stuff that we’d rather talk about because it’s less of a bummer than politics and stuff burning down.

I tried to watch “Heroes” the other night, but I didn’t understand anything that was going on. That Conor Obsert guy is in Ireland for some reason and that fat cop guy from “Alias” was stuck in a jail with a backwards talking guard and these horrible, just awful electricity things shot out of Kristen Bell’s fingers. Thankfully, I got a phone and missed the whole rest of the show. I can understand why the ratings have been slipping this season. The show sucks again, but the sucking is on whole other level. I know that there are people who are caught up in the show because they have to know what happens next, but I’m telling that if you skip a couple of episodes, you’ll be good. You do not need to subject yourself to the “acting” of that Conor Obsert guy or whatever that spilt personality lady ever again or clog up your DVR with unwatched episodes of it when your DVR could be filled with hilarious episodes, well, I don’t know what show is hilarious right now. I’m a couple of weeks behind on my stories. Either way, it’s a win win situation. People, I have faith that if I can walk away, you can walk away too. And if you have to know what’s happening with just check out the Wikipedia article.

Why is Perez Hilton in magazines and on TV when he’s nowhere as funny or as interesting or as talented as the Thigh Master? Come on, the dude invented sliploos, what did Perez Hilton ever give the world? That “Leave Britney Alone” guy, right?

And Twins!

Somebody told Megan Fox that I didn’t think she was that hot, then she started to crack up and then said, “Yeah, right,” then high fived her publicist who said, “BOOSH!”. Even though I think Diablo Cody is a wee bit over rated as a writer. I read a draft of Juno and honestly, who hasn’t read a draft of it in this town? It’s a good script, but that thing she’s going to do with Megan Fox actually sounds pretty killer. Hope they get a solid director to do it. No whammies and no music video directors unless it’s like Anton Corbijn or Jonas Akuerland.

Still haven’t seen Control yet, but things have been crazy lately. One of these days. Anybody else seen it yet? I have a list of movies I need to see as long as Jesse James' nightgown.

I saw The Darjeeling Limited a week or two ago, but haven’t gotten around to writing about it. I liked it. Didn’t love it. Didn’t hate it either. I liked it. I liked a lot more than The Life Aquatic. Do I think that Wes Anderson needs to destroy the Wes Anderson as somebody have suggested? No or at least not right now. I think he needs to take a break and just hang out in Texas again.

Mark Wahlberg may have been in a few of my favorite films and was most recently great in Scorsese’s The Departed, but he can’t fill the shoes of Ryan Gosling. Granted, I probably wasn’t going to watch Lovely Bones in the first place, but I would’ve strongly considered it. Here’s the thing though, Peter Jackson made a really boring movie with all of his post LOTR clout and I honestly believe that he’d make another really boring movie with another set of decent actors that puts me to sleep. I never read the book, which the film is based on, so I don’t know if it’s an edgy or interesting piece, but from what I read of it, it sounds like a bit of a bummer. I’m not into bummers these days. Perhaps, Ryan Gosling made the right choice in leaving the project.

The director approved remastered Criterion edition of Days of Heaven is out in stores right now. Pick up a copy, then buy the best and biggest TV you could afford.

And Twins! Although, I think I’m now starting to realize that they probably aren’t twins, but just regular sisters. Either way, it should be in a commercial for PBR, if they ever make commercials for PBR. Cool Kid Twins.

This is the part of the movie where they play a Explosions in the Sky song

2007-10-22T13:41:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it's going to be in poor taste to say, but either way, I may not be saying "holy smokes" for a while.

I hope that everybody in San Diego and in Malibu and in Lake Arrowhead and in the Inland Empire and perhaps, the closest to my heart, everybody in the Irvine/Foothill Ranch and their pets are out of harm's way and safe. The Santiago Canyon is perhaps the worst of all, since, it appears to be caused by arson.

Stay safe, stay strong Southern California people. Much, much respect to the overworked and just awesome firefighters of Southern California.

Give Me A Minute...

2007-10-16T21:54:00.000-07:00

Not stopping again. Some shit came up. It's kind of serious. Real serious. I'm not going to say real talk because Andre Three Stacks won't trust me anymore. So, other things are sort of more important than me eventually complaining about how disappointed by 30 Days Of Nights. I mean, will eventually get to the point where I'll complain about 30 Days of Night. Just give me this week and maybe next week?

If you're ever in the Atlanta area, I highly suggest stopping at Hand in Hand for a drink. Granted before I went there I did a serious work out and had a semi Mexican shower, so it could explain why I got so drunk, but I had a real great time there and they'll treat you right.

Also, just because one has over a million friends on MySpace and fake boobies, doesn't mean that they should have their own TV series, Tila Tequilia and MTV. TV personalities need a little something called a personality. Fake boobies can only take a person to what... a so-so appearance on the Stern show?

And on that show, "Pageant Place", why is Miss Teen USA dating the guy from "Color Me Badd" or at least somebody who aspires to have facial like a member of a group akin to Color Me Badd? Come on, Miss Teen USA could do better than that. Where's Shia Labeouf?

The Pearly Gates

2007-10-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

You know that "Mr Show" sketch where Bob Odenkirk is taking a lie detector test as a part of his job interview? There's a part when they ask Odenkirk's character if he tried crack and he said, yeah. Then they ask if he liked it, he said, "Yeah. It's Crack. It gets you really high." You vaguely remember that sketch?

Okay because that's how I feel about the new Radiohead album. Saying that the album is great isn't an opinion, but a matter of fact. It's Radiohead. It's really good.

Sugar Shark Part 2

2007-10-10T09:10:00.000-07:00

Chalk it up laziness or call it excitement, but here’s a list of thoughts running in my head while I constantly checked my global clocks and inbox for the download link to obtain Radiohead’s “In Rainbows”. Hey man, we’re going to be a part of history with this one.

-Sienna Miller should never ever wear clothes again. She should just become a nudist and make it hip and cool. [NSFW] Seriously, she should just burn all of her clothes and become a hair model or something.[NSFW]

-I wonder if the guards at Guantanamo Bay subject the prisoners to ABC’s power hour of shitcoms: “Cavemen” & “Carpoolers”? Those shows have to be the definition of torture.

-The song, "Slow Show" by the National is amazing. I should listen to that album all the way through one of these days. Yet I have a problem with the National. I'll listen to their stuff and like it, but I'll end up falling in love, like madly in love with one song and there'll be a line that just wrecks me. The line this time around is "You know I dreamed about you for 29 years before I saw you." Does song writing get any better than that? I heard Kid Rock call himself a songwriter the other day on Stern, but I don't think he'll ever write a line as amazing as that.

-This girl is still insanely hot. Who’s her representation and various questions that Kevin Spacey’s character in Swimming with Sharks would ask regarding the matter.

-Aren’t films coming out onto DVD too soon these days? Knocked Up came out in early June and it’s already out on DVD. Transformers comes out next week, what gives? Has the DVD market become that lucrative and heaven forbid, more successful than theatrical distribution? I know that the theater going isn’t for everybody especially if you have a small child and drag said child to a screening of The Kingdom; crying babies don’t enjoy political action thrillers that much. I always thought that a little distance between the release and the video may change a film’s critical standings. Yet with the instantaneous releases of films, nobody is going to go to the movies anymore which is a super bad thing because more and more people are going to shoot their film to be seen not on a large screen, but instead a TV screen. Then again, there’s an upside because those films that slipped through the cracks of the multiplex I.E. the extremely underrated and recently released 28 Weeks Later can be seen a much larger audience.

I still can’t believe that this e-mail hasn’t come yet. What a drag. Then again, that’s what I get for a euro.

-Why is Samuel L Jackson playing Sisqo in this movie? Remember Sisqo and why hasn’t his sitcom pilot made its way onto those found footage, bootleg DVD things?

-I thought I had a bunch of ideas but I started to get sleepy and I got over waiting for word from Radiohead. It’ll be there in the morning.

See you in the South, if you’re out there.

The Jerk Store is closed aka Yaw Control

2007-10-09T09:07:00.000-07:00

I blame the Angels’ collapse on Dane Cook and his beyond awful promos for the playoffs. Hasn’t Hollywood or at least a good portion of Hollywood learned that nobody likes Dane Cook? His time has already come and gone. Oh, he has a million friends on MySpace, but hasn’t the failure of many intranet fads turned TV and film projects with exception to Borat taught us anything yet? Nobody went to see his movies and now, people aren’t watching the playoffs for fear of not only Joe Buck’s long and luscious verbal make out with A. Rod, but some protracted and extremely unfunny monologue about talking with your hands by Cook. I don’t believe in censorship in any form or tampering with somebody’s artistic vision, but I’m seriously considering contacting one of those ultra conservative Christian video stores that edit out all of the swears, sex and violence from all the movies we love and asking if they could edit out Dane Cook of Dan in Real Life or if they could do a bad Photoshop job and place a photo of Ryan Gosling or Clive Owen over Cook’s face.

Just wondering how a film called Pornstar starring local favorite Diora Baird slipped through the cracks?

Other local favorites include The Hutchinson Brothers, this kid, and the Spears sisters.

It should be noted that we at the Empire… personally prefer Britney Spears as the hot mess sheepishly holding onto her child as she shops on Robertson wearing glasses as opposed to the slick and cleaned up one found in that new music video. Now if I was a teenaged girl driving around with the top down with another friend and my gay bff, I’d totally be into slick Britney, but I am what I am and I like the one who doesn’t know how to roll down the window while at the drive thru at Taco Bell.

The trailer for Miike’s Sukiyaki Western Django. I’m into it, but I still think the best western for your dollar remains Andrew Dominik’s The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. It’s slowly but surely rolling out across the country and hopefully your neck of the woods within the next couple of weeks. Support quality films.

Jeffrey Wells begins the campaign to have Anton Corbijn’s Control to play at the Landmark as opposed its one week run at Nuart. I fully support this idea because I love the Landmark and its five levels of underground parking. Even though I need to make a trip to a Cinefile and I’d kill two birds with one car trip. It should be noted that I’m looking to watching Control either way.

I didn’t go to Detour Fest this past weekend, but I think I got caught in some traffic related to it while on my way to watch Blade Runner, but I’m assuming that other than dancing to “Phantom Part 2” with a bunch of cool kids in flannel and neon colors that this was the main highlight of the event. Moving Units, smoving units. Bloc Party, Smoc Party. That girl and Justice had to be the best things about the whole thing and then, watching every creepy guy trying to talk to her the whole day.

Although, I don’t know if I could watch that because I was at an event and this girl who was cute and drunk and this really creepy guy was just feeding her drink after drink. Rum was spilling down her arm or at least, I assume it was rum. It just bummed me out for the whole rest of the night. That and all these people who were stepping on my sneakers. I should’ve said something or done something, but then again, what is one supposed to do? I attempted to put it out of my mind and I think I saw that creepy guy without that girl at the end of the night. This is why I rarely go to functions anymore, I see something that bums me out and I’m just a wreck the rest of the night.

Could those Kardashians get any more wackier? I heard that they’re like that all the time in real life and on TV. Although, I heard that the Kardashian reality show is nothing more than 22 minutes of booty shots. It’s the triumphant return of jiggle TV! Thanks Ryan Seacrest.

Whatever happened to John Bread? He is and will always be the main guy (shout outs to over hyped and ultimately disappointing JJ Abrams’ movies.) for news in Southern California. He was a reoccurring character in one of the greatest TV shows of all time. Who’s this Carlos Amezcua character anyways? I know that he was the channel 5 morning guy, but he’s clearly not the man to step into the shoes of John Beard.

Vanessa Hudgens knows what you’re thinking about and no, she will not trade nudes with you. Even if you’re the star of your own teen Nick jam or remotely important enough to be featured on a celebrity gossip based web site, it’s still no dice. Maybe Ryan Sheckler, star of MTV’s hit show “Life of Ryan,” who happens to be a professional teenager as well as professional skateboarder could probably make a deal as if he was Monte Hall.

Some Nashville Faker

2007-10-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

There was a moment when I was watching Sean Penn’s Into The Wild where I seriously thought about walking out on the film. Well, there were a lot of moments that made me want to walk out. I don’t understand how some critics can blast a beautiful film like Andrew Dominik’s masterful The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford as a poor man’s Terrence Malick while heap praise upon Into The Wild. Did I see the same film as critics like Robert Wilonsky did because Into The Wild is a mess of film that wants to be a Terrence Malick so fucking badly. I’ve never seen such an over stylized and pretentious film by such an established filmmaker. I mean, Penn has only made a few films as a director, but speaking about his career in general, but the film just feels as if Penn went nuts in the editing room with all of the cool effects and transitions programs that his editor must’ve had on his computer. Split screens, zippy montage after zippy montage set to all of our favorite clichéd road trip songs. Tremendous and groundbreaking filmmaking to say the least!

The film never worked me for a couple of reasons: one, that scene where Emile Hirsch’s character turned down having sex with Kristen Stewart’s character; that’s the biggest bunch of bullshit I’ve seen/heard since G.W. Bush said that we don’t torture prisoners. And secondly, I think the guy, whose life story was the basis for the film made a connection with nature and found peace in nature. I never got that. I mean assumed that, but what I got from the film was that Hirsch’s character was a guy who traveled the American southwest, hung out with some hippies and old timers and spouted off a bunch of lines he read in self help books. Hirsch’s performance is all right and all and he lost a lot of weight for the part, but his performance just reminds me of those smug assholes that think that they’re better than me cause they’ve read “Crime & Punishment” and recycle. I already know that I’m a semi illiterate piece of shit, I don’t need a film to remind me even more that I should reading books instead of watching Jack Hill’s Spider Baby and my teen Nick jams. And how can it be a film about isolation and loneliness with loud rock music playing all the time? I don’t know.

Into the Wild is a long, boring trip into the abyss of nothingness with some good performances hidden in the muck of self-righteous and gimmicky visuals. It’s a ham handed attempt to be a poetic film, but Penn’s script is what keeps it from being the free spirit that the main character strives to be. The screenplay is so structured and predictable. Aside from the film’s final act, the script forces the film into this structure where the hero runs into some one who’ll provide some advice and in turn, the hero will provide them with advice after two or three scenes where our character is alone and isolated. Into the Wild becomes what a film dreads, dull and boring.

Oh wait, I sent a resume to one of the companies that produced it. Um, never mind, Into the Wild is totally awesome; best film of the year.

And you see, that’s why I haven’t been writing as much lately. I don’t know if people who get my resume, google my shit up and read this nightmare of angst, contempt, and, animosity towards particular films. Of course, I could take the advice of “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then say nothing at all,” but where would that leave you guys? The handful of random people, literally the handful of you who may read the mess while at work or killing time on your iPhone? You’d have no content or worse, you’d go to some other blog that encourages and supports proof reading and the use of sassy photos of all your favorite stars and perhaps even feature MP3 exclusives without the DJ drops. There’s the punch line, dudes. That’s the punch line.

It should be noted that The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford is even better a second time around. As opposed to getting lost in the cinematography and the production design, I was stunned by Brad Pitt’s performance. It’s his best work since True Romance and 12 Monkeys.

DVD Beaver reviews the Criterion edition of Malick’s essential Days of Heaven. It can be purchased directly from Criterion here. Man, I’ve been talking about Malick too much lately. He’s like the Rachel B of filmmakers around these parts.

Speaking of Rachel B, well not speaking of Rachel B, it’s a mere mention, but that’s beside the point. What I was going to say since Rachel B has been MIA lately aside for the news that she’s going to be on a couple of episodes of “Chuck” with a “Senior Spielbergo” esque Adam Brody. Anyways, what I wanted to say that I have a new semi replacement celebrity crush, if you couldn’t tell by the photo above, it’s Michelle Williams. I can’t explain why, but a couple of weeks back, somebody mentioned her to me and it just clicked in my head. She’s cute, she works with good directors on a semi regular basis, looks good as both a blonde and a brunette. And she’s held up a lot better than some of her other “Dawson’s Creek” cast members. It was either her or Lacey from “Rock of Love”. So, if things get a little Michelle Williams centric, you’ve been warned.

So, the other day, I saw Clark Duke of “Clark & Michael” and said to him, “Hey, I like your show.” Now, I’m wondering if he knew that I meant “Clark & Michael” as opposed to “Greek”? May need to call up Robert Stack for this one and dust off those “Unsolved Mysteries” graphics.

Speaking of sort of Michael Cera, Superbad is coming to DVD on December 4th. Just in time for the holiday season. So if you’ve got a frat guy or a teenager or a just any guy in general on your list, can’t go wrong with Superbad. It just should be noted that if you’re going to go to a party with a game plane to speak entirely in Superbad quotes, it’s not going to win over the ladies. You’ll impress the dudes more often than not and let’s be honest, one is going to run out of material after about 10 to 15 minutes.

“The Office” is still funny, right? I’m laughing a lot, but I want to make sure that everybody else is still laughing as well. I just appreciate the fact that the humor is being spread all through out the cast. It’s now become a neck and neck and neck race between Toby, Kevin, Creed, and Darryl as the real funniest character on the show. All of those characters have had gut busting moments in the first two episodes. I also have to admit that the PB&J storyline isn’t that bad after all is said and done. It’s not ruining the show because the show is still funny at its core.

Although, I think I’ve reached the point where I can successfully make a break from my addiction/problem with “Heroes.” I was sucked in the first season because of the storyline and I needed to know where it was going to go. The acting never won me over. The production design never won me over. The dialogue never won me over, but the construction of the whole first season was brilliant. Now, that the new season is a few episodes old and I haven’t really watched any of them, I think it’s the perfect opportunity to part way with the show. Despite being a fan of her work, I don’t believe that Kristen Bell being on the show can keep me around for the rest of the season. The point of television or at least what I believe it to be, a form of entertainment and what’s so entertaining about watching a show week after week that just upsets and frustrates me? Sure, it’s material, but I don’t want to yell at the TV anymore. Yelling at the TV just isn’t fun anymore; it’s another reason why I never watch sports anymore. I’ve spent much of 2007 attempting to reduce stress levels and not watching “Heroes” will be another step to being stress free.

Other keys to a stress free life include:
-Drinking Mexican Coca Cola
-Wearing 100% cotton Flannel shirts; there’d be no wars if everybody wore this cuddly fabric.
-Watching The Holy Mountain every couple of months.
-Listening to Crystal Castles’ remix of the Klaxons and Artie Lange on the Stern show.
-Signing my petition to have the city of Santa Fe Springs or at least all of the buildings surrounding demolished to add additional lanes to the 5 freeway.

And finally, I don’t understand why LA people are reading this mess instead of heading over to the Landmark on the Westside to watch Blade Runner: The Final Cut. I’ve only seen two version of Blade Runner: the International version and the first director’s cut from the early 90s and to be honest with you, I didn’t detect any real differences between the various cuts. To be honest, The Final Cut is an awful a lot like the first director’s cut except that the special effects look a lot better. Not to mention, the film is a completely different animal on the big screen. I found myself getting distracted by the little details that filled the frame and the lines that fill J.F. Sebastian’s face. It’s a beautiful film to watch especially in the 4k digital projection at the Landmark. It runs through Thursday, so keep the car running.

The Bear in the Barn

2007-10-03T08:12:00.000-07:00

If it wasn’t any other TV season, I wouldn’t have as much disdain for “Cavemen,” as I do this season. I’m just bitter and frustrated that network executives went with a show based on a series of mildly amusing commercials as opposed to a series that was executive produced by Mitch Hurwitz aka Ramsay from “Clark & Michael” aka the creator of “Arrested Development”. I’m still asking myself, “Really? ABC didn’t want to air a comedy about politics from a bunch of smart and funny people?” I know that I’m not that the brightest bulb in the batch, but I don’t get “Cavemen.” It’s funny cause they look like guys from a chart of man’s evolution and dress like metrosexuals, right? That’s the punch line, right? Oh, that guy’s weird looking, but its funny cause he’s using a blackberry or something like that, right? For me, the show feels not like one prolonged commercial, but an overblown clip from the Bob Saget era of “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” Remember those clips where people would over sell the laughs as a cat moans out “mommy” and the voice over banter says something to the affect of “the cat thinks its people.” It’s just one long unfunny joke and that has nowhere to go or even grow. It’s a shame because the show wastes the talent of “Best Week Ever” regular Nick Kroll.

Then again, I probably have too much of a chip on my shoulder about what did and didn’t get picked up this season. Not to mention, I just don’t have the patience to watch the one hour dramas and pretty much every other show on right now other than like “Weeds,” “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “30 Rock,” “Frisky Dingo,” and my Teen Nick jams (Say what you will but, Miranda Cosgrove is the next Amanda Bynes). Either the actors on these shows annoy me or I just don’t have the patience to watch the rebellious doctor or the rebellious crime scene investigator or the rebellious detective or the rebellious skeletal expert solve a crime in less than 45 minutes. It’s all the same show or it’s just a show overloaded with zippy pop songs drowning out the dialogue about doctors sleeping with each other.

A show like “Weeds” has ruined network TV for me. On what other show would be there a storyline about a guy becoming a porn star using his deformed foot with a cameo by Lexington Steele no less? I can count on a show like “Weeds” to go in some new weird yet entertaining direction without getting too sidetracked from the main storyline. I can count on it to be always make me laugh. These other shows, these hour longs, I can always count on yelling at the TV because some actor is just so awful or their particular line delivery is like nails on a chalk board for me. And the same goes for “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” I can count (with exception to the last season) on it to always crack me up.

Although, it should be noted that I’m starting to get into “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” It’s kind of hit and miss, but I believe the more and more I watch it, the more I’ll get into it. It feels like a live action cartoon to me, for some reason.

People who work in the “biz,” if you will are calling “Pushing Daises” the new “Studio 60” or at least that was their reaction to reading the pilot script. I don’t know if I have the patience to watch a show that’s quirky for the sake of being quirky. And you know if I watch to a Barry Sonnenfeld project, I’d just watch Miller’s Crossing.

If you’re in the greater Los Angeles area this weekend, I suggest heading over to The Landmark Theatre to catch Sir Ridley Scott’s definitive cut of Blade Runner. Finally catch it on the big screen or just wait until December and the DVD released. Production design groupies and nerds are already camping out.

Roof Top Pop Top

2007-10-02T08:36:00.000-07:00

Don’t let its running time scare you away. Don’t let the fact it’s a western scare you away. Don’t let the fact it’s a film starring Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck scare you away and for heaven’s sake, don’t, I repeat, don’t wait for the DVD release. Andrew Dominik’s The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford is one of those films that demands to be seen on the largest and best movie theater humanly possible. With the direction that film industry is going or at least will be going within the next few months; a rush to crank out enough product just in case there’s a strike and everything shuts down for a few months. Not to mention, the ever-dwindling window between theatrical release and the DVD packed to the gills with bonus features that we and let’s be honest here, we never actually watch all of those features. It’s beyond refreshing and extremely rewarding to be watch a film like Jesse James because it’s a film that isn’t a rush to tell its story or feature the latest hit songs from the radio in between every other scene and perhaps best of all, a cast, well a majority of a cast that’ll and thankfully never appear on a website like Perez Hilton cause they’re brilliant actors.

I’ve had a few conversations recently about films from the mid to late 60s that sort of sneaked out of the studio system of that day. That weird period where films like Blow Up and Bonnie & Clyde sneaked out of the studio system around the same time as films like Skidoo and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls sneaked out of the studio system as well. The major studios attempting to capture that counter culture, hippie dollar. Now, that I’m not implying that Jesse James is a weird, hippie movie, but it feels that this film just managed to sneak its way through the system. Granted, the film is being treated like a grenade dosed in AIDS by the studio, but that’s beside the point. Jesse James is a film that washes over the viewer; taking whatever the eye allows to capture.

It’s becoming a rather clichéd statement to make, but Andrew Dominik made a film that is on par with the works of Terrence Malick. It’s also just an easy way to say that it’s a film that’s all about beautiful cinematography and nothing else. If anything, Jesse James in tone and style is more akin to Kubrick’s Barry Lyndon. Lyndon and Jesse James are literal adaptations of their source materials that refuse to present loose ends, illogical endings and most importantly weren’t made with the inevitable DVD release a few months later in the back of their minds. Easily, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford is one of my favorite films of the year thus far. It’s just a rich and beautiful film that I can’t wait to see again.

Have to catch up on the rest of my movies before I watch anything for a second time. Still have to watch Into the Wild and that new Wes Anderson film. I don’t know why, but I’m dreading The Darjeeling Limited. I know that there’s a point where in some director’s careers were we break up. Steven Soderbaugh and me broke up after Solaris, but then he did Bubble and I thought we were going to get back together, but then there was The Good German. I believe that this is the film where I just throw my hands up and wonder if Wes Anderson has any tricks in his bag or we as the audience seen all that he has to offer? I wish that Paul Thomas Anderson would pull Wes Anderson aside and talk to him about switching it up a bit. Maybe it’s time for Wes Anderson to take a break from writing his own material and direct somebody else’s script. Inject his style and vision into someone’s else world. I think we should all collectively send him a memo that says: “Kanye said that Fifty said that Banks said, ‘Go ahead and switch the styles up. And if they hate, let them hate and watch the money pile up’.”

Speaking of films made with the DVD in mind, I was checking out some of the extras on the Knocked Up DVD, I just have to say that Judd Appatow wants to give people the biggest bang for their buck.

Other films that I’ve seen recently include:

-Eastern Promises; Completely indifferent to it. There are things that are great in it, but there are also a lot of things that left me scratching my head. It doesn’t really add in my head. Love Cronenberg’s films. Love Naomi Watts. Steven Knight is an excellent writer, but it just doesn’t come together in the end.

-All the Boys Love Mandy Lane; Why did the Weinsteins dump this film? Why couldn’t they release it this past summer? Because there’s no brand name recognition with the title of the film? It’s not a Saw or an unnecessary remake of a horror classic? Instead, it’s this crazy thing called an original idea. I mean, it’s not the most original idea in the history of horror movie. Perhaps, I should say an interesting take on the modern day slasher picture. Amber Heard is great as Mandy Lane. Beautiful cinematography. Just a nice change of pace from horror films about people being tortured in dank basements.

-The Kingdom. It’s kind of slow, but I liked the last twenty-thirty minutes of it.

-Manda Bala aka Send A Bullet is probably on par with No End In Sight as the best documentary of the year and one of the year’s best films. Seek it out.
I tried to put a ringtone I made of Slayer’s “Raining Blood” on my iPhone and my phone crashed or something. Perhaps, the devil isn’t down with the iPhone or vice versa?

I paid a buck to preorder the new Radiohead album. Is that too little? I dig Radiohead and all, but I’m beginning to feel that I didn’t pay enough for the album. Radiohead has given so much over the years and I’ve given so little back. It’s at times like these days, I wonder what would Ryan Sheckler do?

I was thinking about Britney Spears and how she had her kids taken away from her and all. She wasn’t meant to have to kids, but she did. Spears is so wrapped up in her own world that she barely has time for her kids other than an bizzaro photo op clutching onto a baby outside of a boutique on Robertson. She never engages in any baby talk or any real mothering. It seems as if she never takes these children anywhere they’d enjoy. Now if you look at someone who’s as melodramatic and as egomaniacal and as business as Britney Spears, like Ryan Sheckler, star of MTV’s and one of my favorite shows, “Life of Ryan.” Now, he manages to make time for his younger brother in his beyond hectic life as a professional teenager and as a professional skateboarder. He takes the little dude to Legoland and has a great time.

Our Hell Part 2

2007-09-28T08:50:00.000-07:00

There was a moment the other day when I could've been an extra on an episode of that "Caveman" TV show. Not really an extra per say, but just some one who happened to be walking in an area where they happened to be filming. Like I would've been in the very back of the shot. Completely out of focus and out of mind. Yet I would've known that it was me in the background of that show wearing a ratty old cardigan. I would've had to live with the secret shame that I was on that show. Instead, I just waited until they finished the shot. The crew guys asked me if I was shy, to which I explained that I didn't want to be on TV, which is partially true. I don't want to be TV. I've already been on TV and wearing much more awful clothing than I was wearing that particular day. Somewhere there exists video of myself wearing a stink pink polo chatting with Ryan Seacrest about George W. Bush. Okay, so I have to live with that the rest of my life. I don't need anymore secret shame in my life. So, the crew talked to me a little bit more. Explaining that by simply walking through the shot, I wouldn't be a problem. It'd be totally cool. It was just I didn't have the heart to tell them I don't want to be on their show. I couldn't live with myself if I was on that show. Even if I was a blurry mess stomping out of frame as I was listening to Raewkon on my iPod. While I haven't heard the song, I'm assuming that the song, "Our Hell," by Emily Hanes & the Soft Skeletons is about a similar subject matter. Appearing on a gimicky sitcom as a background extra.

When I'm not writing, I feel really out of it or at least, when I've been writing a lot recently, then I sort of stop, then I feel really out of it. It's a great release to say the least. Then again, I feel out of it because I haven't been able to listen between three to four hours of the Howard Stern show the past two weeks. I know what else is going on in the world, but without hearing the foul mouthed one liners from a recovering heroin addicit, it's just not the same. I've made the effort to check out some of the new TV shows this season; it's just, I don't know....they're kind of boring. "Chuck," I wanted to like it. I did. I can't speak for you or the rest of America, but haven't we all grown tired of that form of storytelling or entertainment, if you will, where there's some loud pop song or cool & hip & edgy modern rock track to either take the audience in and out of a scene? I know that the music industry is strugggllinng and all, but don't we as an audience except more than that or even dare I say, more than this? Sure, if people dig the music on a show, they'll seek it out and plus one for those guys. Yet doesn't anybody else find it completely distracting to hear some big loud song at the start of the scene? What happened to letting the dialogue speak for its self and a show develop its own sense of cool? It's all force feeding cool and hipness down peoples' throats. In addition to creating false emotion. Producers and directors shouldn't be dependent upon the latest song by some British singer/songwriter to push the emotions in the scene. Directing, writing and above all else, acting should carry the emotion through the scene and story. So, going back to "Chuck," I tried to watch it the thing, but I just got too frustrated by all of the music cues. Maybe, I'm too old. Maybe, I'm too much of a music snob to apperciate hearing The Teddybears' "Cobra Style" at the start of every other scene. And the same goes for that show, "Reaper." Ray Wise as the Devil was cool and all, but "Twin Peaks" fans know that he can get crazier than that; way crazier than that. Everybody else on that show just bugs. From that main dude to that dime store Ethan Suplee, it just bugs. Maybe I'm not meant to watch cool and hip TV shows anymore. Perhaps, it's finally time to just sit and read my big, dense book about capitalism and how Milton Friedman's economic policy is similar to torture techniques used on denitees in GitMo. I still don't have a solid idea yet; I'm only 70 pages into it and I'm attempting to save the rest for my trip to the South in couple of weeks.

Me in the south, again. It's going to be weird, but sometimes, you just have to do certain things because there are people in your life that you care about them and you do things because you care about 'em. It's a hard lesson that has taken me a very long time to learn. And that's on "Someone Great" by LCD Soundsystem stuff.

Speaking of LCD Soundsystem, I went to that Arcade Fire/LCD Soundsystem show at the Hollywood Bowl a week ago and I have to say that LCD Soundsystem put on a better show. Then again, us intranet individuals have created such a unrelenting and unstoppable hype monster about Arcade Fire that it was hard to live to the hype for me. Yes, the Arcade Fire are a great band live. No question about it, but it just didn't connect with me. It should be noted that I never gave their new album a chance. A couple of songs worked for me, but on a whole, I like the first album more. So, maybe the fact that the set was mostly pulled from the new album could have explained why I wasn't blown away like other people have been in the past. Also, they didn't do "Crown of Love." Nuts to that, McCuilty. I mean, it's their best song and they didn't whatever. Also, it should be noted that the concert as a whole was slightly tainted because a small woman kept on singing "oooooohhhh" and saying, "I hope they do the song where they go 'oooooohhhh'." She said it in between every song. People were going to punch in the throat, I think. Even the dude she was on the verge of punting her across the bowl. And LCD Soundsystem pretty much gave the standard performance, which in other words means, beyond totally awesome. So imagine something being totally awesome, then taking it up about 11 notches on the awesome scale.

And that's about it for me. The seeing "Arrested Development" actors in real life count is up to 3 for me, how's about you?

Whoops, my bad. That's My Scenario

2007-09-18T20:48:00.000-07:00

So, here's the deal. Things came up this week and for next week as well. So, maybe October, if that's cool with you. Now please enjoy the Grassroots' classic tune, "Let's Live For Today." If you look closely, you may see Creed from "The Office". I mean I don't even have the time to go to the book store to pick up a copy of "The Shock Doctrine".

PS. I'm in love with the Coathangers. Yeah, they sound a bit like local favorites Mika Miko, but there's something a little more interesting about them and they're from the ATL too. Now, I'm actually looking forward to my trip down south next month.

Bubb Rubb was right.

2007-09-13T16:57:00.000-07:00

Is next week cool with you? Rad. I'm just too busy listening to Too $hort and Okkervil River, eating turkey sandwiches, and watching old movies the past couple of days. On top of that book report.

Home Girl

2007-09-10T21:14:00.000-07:00

Would've written some stuff down tonight, but I have this book report that's do tomorrow morning and I'm kind of stumped on it. I didn't even walk it out today, so that may give you an indication of how serious things are today.

Although, I'll say that to say this, that TMZ TV show proves the theory that just cause a website gets seven million hits daily, doesn't mean it's going to be great TV or at least it's "Hard Copy" in snappier fonts for the "High School: The Musical" set.

And, I also strongly and sincerely believe that Richard Roeper should be replaced on "Ebert & Roeper at the Movies" by Miss Teen South Carolina. She could just read Roger Ebert's written reviews until he gets better and get that Scary Perry guy to be the other critic. It'd be so much better than the flirt fest between Roeper and that HD Net guy.

When Disco Killed The Funk Part 3

2007-09-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

I didn’t need to watch the VMAs to know that Britney Spears who used to be a hot mess I found attractive turned into a hot mess who looks more like Brooke Hogan or one of those trannies hanging around Santa Monica Blvd into the wee hours of the morning (you know, whatever reference works best for you). Why doesn’t Britney just give up on the career and become another one of those Malibu trophy wives? There’s some Sultan or the weird son of Sultan out there that could use a trophy wife, right? Or maybe she should just move up to Oakland and hang out with Too $hort. Not to mention, who cares about the VMAs anymore? Ever since Axel quit showing up drunk and Krist Novoselic wasn’t throwing his bass up in the air, I haven’t been into it. Also, that was around the same time, MTV and me went separate ways in turns of music with exception to “120 Minutes.” Why isn’t the award show on YouTube this year because that’s how a majority of us watch videos these days. The only things I see on MTV these days are glamorous rich kids hanging out and Tyra Banks. That’s all I ever fucking see. Where’s their award show? Best On Screen in a Lightly Scripted Reality Drama? Biggest Boobs? (And no, Shauvon from “Real World: Sydney” would not win) Best Marathon of a Reality Series that has yet to produce America’s “Next Top Model”?

The real question that demands to be answered is what did I do in my life to this cruel and unjust punishment of having Tyra Banks in my life? It was okay when she was trying to be an actress and what not, but now, it’s getting unbearable. I really do think that I’m being punished for something I’ve done in my life. Sure as of late, I haven’t been keeping kosher, but after you’ve had the carnitas burrito from El Burrito JR, you try to keep to kosher, okay? And I know that I swear too much, but do I deserve to have a life filled with this monstrous woman and her unbearable sense of self worth? Maybe I’m not meant to campaign for Democratic presidential candidates? If I talk about how awesome Fred Thompson’s plans to save America is totally going to work, will she go away? I really do believe that America needs to invent some more shit in order to save us.

I know that’s a few days late and a couple of dollars short, but my theory about this whole Vanessa Hudgens scandal is this: I’m looking at the Geek Squad as the ones who leaked those photos. There’s a history of the Geek Squad stealing porn. And to be fair and balanced, I’ll throw some stones at the Apple Geniuses because nine times out of ten, those dudes can be dicks, too (Ah shit, I’m not going to get any help the next time I bring anything in to be fixed). It’s either them or that fat guy from “Drake & Josh.”

Slightly related, I kind of dig the show, “iCarly”. And no, I have not seen the new episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” yet. I’m currently without HBO and a DVR. So I have to wait until Tuesday. No “Weeds” tomorrow night either. It’s been extremely solid and funny. Here’s to hoping that Mary Kate Olsen doesn’t fuck it up. Hey, you know in hind sight, who would’ve been an edgier choice for that role? Vanessa Hudgens.

There was a large part of me that was dreading Shoot ‘Em Up. I didn’t want to get my hopes up like I did with Smokin’ Aces. If we go in the way back machine, some may recall that based on an amazingly well cut trailer that ran before Borat, I declared that Smokin’ Aces would be the savior of action films. Then came that film’s eventual release in January of this year and well, the less said, the better. I blew off the chance to go to a Sparrow Love Crew/Cold War Kids show to watch the film. Then again, those were the weird, confusing, sad, lonely days as well as days of confidentially agreements, so it could explain a lot of things. With Shoot ‘Em Up, I just kept my mouth shut because it had all the elements that I love about movies. Clive Owen and Clive Owen shooting stuff. And as we all know that Smokin’ Aces had people shooting stuff as well and it was even better because it was cut to a DJ Shadow jam. Then the on line movie geek community got behind the film and for me, that equals a bad sign. Yeah, I can quote lines from “The Simpsons” with the best of them, but whenever the “geek movie gods” dig something, I have the opposite reaction. Perhaps, I don’t want to be labeled as a geek or if a film gets their stamp of approval, I expect something a lot ‘cooler’ from it. And naturally, the fear and dread became to creep in, but I bit the bullet.

As I was watching Shoot ‘Em Up, I started to think that I was the only one in the theater who was actually enjoying the film. Yet by the time, the end credits started to run, the audience was clapping and laughing and cheering. Part of me wants to call Shoot ‘Em Up one of the best films of the year, but part of me says that a film like this is an acquired taste. This is a film that one is either going to love to death or hate every single frame of it. I loved it because it’s roughly 85 minutes of Clive Owen being cool, dropping one-liners every couple of minutes and just insane action sequences. Yeah, I had a couple of problems with the film, but it didn’t take away from my overall enjoyment. Shoot ‘Em Up is a giant live action Bugs Bunny cartoon with sly nods to the works of John Woo & the Coen Brothers. The only problems that I had with the film were the use of CGI blood as opposed to practical effects and the music. I know that Courtney Love has got to eat and pay her phone bill so she could blame Steve Coogan for more things he didn’t do, but would Kurt Cobain really want his song to be used in an action film?

The whole point of this blog other than to document my inability to function with society, is to be a walking contradiction of its self. I sort of implied a few paragraphs ago that nobody cares about music videos anymore or at least if we do care about them, we watch them in a real shitty flash video format. With that said though, I think if Ed Banger was ever to do a video for the Justice song, “Phantom” or “Phantom Part 2,” it needs to be a live concert footage video but with a twist. Instead of the regular cool kids in their early 90s nostalgia gear, just reuse crowd footage from old heavy metal videos. The “Phantom” series for dance music, is pretty metal. Dudes in denim jackets with huge patches on the back going nuts would be pretty awesome. Cut in some clips of hipsters in the parking lot like Heavy Metal Parking Lot and you got yourself a VMA right there, if they still give away awards for that kind of thing.

Does anybody know when Roger Ebert is coming back and taking back his TV show? Richard Roeper’s reign of terror needs to be stopped. Roeper lacks a passion for cinema that Siskel had in spades and Ebert has in spades as well. And thanks to their on line review archives, I’m realizing that I’m more of a Gene guy despite his unrelenting dislike of David Lynch. Yet Gene makes valid and interesting points about why he doesn’t like Lynch. Roeper would just make some goofy face and say it’s just dumb if he doesn’t like it. And these guest critics, there’s no fight. Fuck the fact that they’re guests, mix shit up. That’s the problem, Roeper lacks passion about the films he likes or I’m completely missing his passion in the reviews.

The Smiths VS The Cure

2007-09-05T08:11:00.000-07:00

The best thing about the intranet right now has to be Diplo’s free mix for Pitchfork. It’s the next best thing to seeing Diplo DJ live (for those in Southern California, Diplo is going to be at the wonderful Echoplex on the 21st with Switch, get tickets here) and if the dude hasn’t made it out to your neck of the woods or if for some god for saken reason, you have something allegedly “more important” than seeing Diplo (like a family member’s wedding or hanging out with Artie Lange are good excuses for missing Diplo). Download the mix and rush out and see him & Switch when they’re in town. Dude, they’re gonna play some Santogold jams, some random house records, some random commercial rap records, and probably some Justice remixes. In other words, you’ll lose some weight from excessive dancing and your minds and probably your pants.

Other great things about the intranet are:
-The “I Like Turtles” kid.
-Charlyne Yi’s Man on the Street interviews
-CHUD’s extensive coverage of the cluster fuck known as the strike films.
-Hollywood Elsewhere
-The Passion of the Weiss

Get stoked. Sacha Baron Cohen’s Bruno goes into production. Sweet, but it’s a bit of a bummer that he’s not going to film during spring break.

In case anybody is wondering, that TMZ TV show will not be affecting airing of “The Simpsons” on channel 11. We, the audience are getting one less episode of “Malcolm in the Middle,” which is a great thing.

I took Spanish for four years straight in junior high and my first two years of high school, but I can’t remember a single thing from those classes. I think I took my final Spanish final while listening to Bjork on headphones in the back of the room. If I remembered any of that, I think I would be able to enjoy shows like “Jose Luis Sin Censura” and “Estudio 2” on a whole other level. I mean, what’s there not to like about Spanish television? It’s all one big variety show. Sexy dancing girls, check. Hilarious dwarves dressed as pop culture figures, check. Stereotype based humor and characters, check. And “Jose Luis” takes it up a notch by featuring scary girls in Raiders gear that want to beat up all of the female guests. It’s a perfect form of entertainment, but there’s just little thing known as the language barrier. Part of me believes that if myself and Robin Brown continued our public access show and spoke Spanish, we could’ve had a successful career in Spanish television. I wish more TV was like “Estudio 2,” you know, a dwarf comes out dressed up as Ghost Rider and starts to smack the audience around then lets out a giant mobster out of a cage who removes a horrible singer from the stage. How great would American Idol would be with that? Or if on an episode of “The Hills,” Heidi ran into some female Raiders fans with pencil thin eye borrows? Totally rad would be the best word to describe it.

Los Tigres del Norte VS Los Broncos del Norte

2007-09-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

Writing or saying negative things about Rob Zombie’s John Carpenter’s Halloween is a lot like poop shoots. Everybody has one. Rob Zombie’s John Carpenter’s Halloween wasn’t made for the people who worship the John Carpenter original. It’s not a film made for people who can appreciate subtle scares and a steady shot. Rob Zombie’s Halloween was made for the MySpace generation. The kids who grew up with the Jigsaw Killer as their Jason & Fredies and claim that Eli Roth’s Hostel is their favorite film. Zombie made a film that ultimately serves as white noise while people exchange text messages with each other, but packs enough blood and cheap scares to keep them interested. Or at least until they get another text message.

Before writing my thoughts on Halloween, I went back and watched Zombie’s The Devil’s Rejects, a film that made it onto my top ten list of 2005 and discovered one thing. All the things that I loved about The Devil’s Rejects were all the things that I hated about the Halloween reimagining. The cameos and casting of horror icons works extremely well in TDR where as in Halloween, it becomes down right distracting. I believe that Devin Faraci in his review said it best when he said that the casting in the film gives the impression that it was filmed during lunch breaks at Comic Con. It’s gimmicky, but at the same time, what point does it serve? Rob Zombie probably has a solid working relationship with a lot of these actors from his previous films, yet the question remains: are the kids who this film was made for going to appreciate a split second cameo by Udo Kier or even the extended cameo by Brad Dourif? I’m a minor fan of Brad Dourif, but it took me a couple of scenes to realize it was him and by then, he was gone from the film all together.

As I was watching the film, I started to believe that Zombie is the Splat Pack’s version of Quentin Tarantino. Tarantino populates his films with actors from the films that he loves and generally lifts plot points from and Zombie is no different as a filmmaker (Not to mention, Zombie’s fetish for guys with long hair is pretty bad as Tarantino’s feet thing), but it’s going to become a hindrance on his career. I know that it’s his wife and all, but for his best interest, Rob Zombie needs to stop using his wife or at least give her just small, very small roles. Yes, Sheri Moon Zombie is hot and makes for a great psychopath in TDR, but as a mother in Halloween, it’s painful. In addition, if Zombie steps away from his troop of actors (not every director can have a troop of actors as strong as Preston Strurges did), he’ll be forced to step out of the box in terms of his dialogue. Yeah, every character in TDR screaming “Fuck this,” and “Motherfuck that” works, but in Halloween, it just becomes too goofy. I was extremely surprised that the baby in the opening breakfast scene didn’t say “fuck”.

Then there’s the cinematography and editing which in other words means shake the camera all over the place so any action taking place is undistinguishable with a cherry on top known as awful lighting then cut the scene to shreds, so it’s completely unwatchable. Or maybe put a rock song from the 70s over the footage and create a zippy montage. The film’s biggest laugh comes from what I want to assume that Zombie would be an emotional high point: the infamous & dread “Love Hurts” montage. An overplayed song by the great Gram Parsons is supposed to convey the suffering a ticking time bomb is feeling because nobody would take him out trick or treating? Yes, horror films are largely successful due to its score and sound effects, but the way Zombie uses music in the film is too on the nose. American audiences are in the midst of a great “duh-duh” period, but come on, give the audience more credit than that. Also, thanks in large to the editing, I had no clue what was happening during the film’s climax. The footage looked murky and the editing was just all over the place. It looks and feels uninspired and mostly likely because it was one of the many sequences that were re shot in early July. The blog, Horror Movie A Day compares the leaked work print cut and the theatrical cut here.

It’s just an uninspired mess of a film that wants it both ways. It wants to humanize Michael Myers as a kid with a shitty upbringing, but it also wants him to be a super human kill machine. It wants to Laurie Strode to be the innocent, nice girl, but she just seems like a punching bag for her friends (It should be noted that Scout Taylor-Compton was one of three things I liked about the film) And for those who’ve been keeping score here over the last couple of years know that I’m a fan of nudity in film, but there’s one sequence in the film that goes beyond bad taste and exploitation. Granted, it’s nowhere as awful as Heather Matarazzo’s death scene in Hostel: Part 2, but it’s certainly up there. And oddly, I didn’t leave the theater angry or upset like I did after watching like Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead remake. Maybe I hold Dawn of the Dead a bit closer to my heart or Zombie’s film just bummed me out. Bummed me out because film executives were unwilling to let an emerging filmmaker do something original and unique. Bummed me out because somebody is doing another shitty remake of a John Carpenter film (fingers crossed that they never think of re-doing Jack Burton’s adventures on the good ole Pork Chop express). It’s just a bummer, man.

I don’t know who deserves the hype more: the band, A Place to Bury Strangers after getting that review on Pitchfork or this girl who had her digital camera stolen? After listening to a couple of songs by A Place to Bury Strangers and seeing that girl’s stolen NSFW pictures, I think that the girl rightfully and deservedly earns the hype. I’m not a fan of fake boobs, but that girl makes it work as if Tim Gunn told her to. Where as that A Place to Bury Strangers, I dunno. Whispery lyrics, lots of feedback, really slow. Been there, been done by eight million other bands. I guess I can’t go to Brooklyn now though since I like nice boobs as opposed to local boys making noisy, boring rock music.

A friend of mine lives in Oakland and he’s afraid to mention that he doesn’t like certain Bay Area rappers because he doesn’t know how people are going to react.

Courtney Love is a giant piece of shit that the world is better off without and she should learn to keep her mouth shut especially on matters that one would assume be a sensitive issue to her given what happened to her first husband, but apparently, it doesn’t fucking matter as long as her name is back out in the media. You know drag somebody’s name through the mud because she wants to be in US Weekly for something other than being a fat piece of shit who can’t stay sober and probably and thankfully never actually had a hand in raising her child. Leave Owen Wilson and Steve Coogan alone and crawl into a hole where nobody will ever hear from you again. Okay, that was a little mean, but I feel better now that I vented.

A bunch of films screened at the Venice & Telluride Film Festival the past couple of days. Read the reviews of: The Darjeeling Limited, The Assaniation of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, Margot at the Wedding and Juno. I read the script for Juno a few months back and wasn’t that impressed by it. It had a bit of a hipper than thou attitude to it. I don’t know. Maybe it’ll work better on screen, then again, I don’t have that strong of a sense of humor.

I learned that from a party that I went to over the weekend. I was talking to three people that I’ve never meet before in my life and I only made one of them laugh. Apparently jokes about how iPhones don’t impress girls and calling a guy who looks like Crispin Glover “Jingle Dell” won’t make the girls laugh, but it did make a struggling actor crack up. I was told by the girls to make more references to “Laguna Beach” in my jokes. I was going to go into the kitchen and work on a new routine, but then I got tired and upset that somebody drank all of the Stella Artois I brought to the party; I only had two and then it disappeared. Lousy hipsters.

Then again, my goal for that evening was to only speak in quotes from Superbad, but it was weird. There were people who hadn’t seen it yet. I just bombarded my friend with texts of quotes from the film and to tell them to her friend, but it turns out that my friend’s friend hadn’t seen the film either. Thank goodness, I didn’t wear my Chik Chik Yeah t-shirt or any other of these random Superbad t-shirts.

It’s probably not that tough or macho to say, “It’s like we’re on an episode of “The Hills”,” as you’re eating brunch with your friend at some spot in Hollywood? Probably not. I would to love to seen an episode of “The Hills,” where they encounter like Captain Garbage as they’re walking out of Les Dipshit or whenever. That would be more in keeping with the Hollywood experience or at least the experiences I’ve had. Sitting in a depressing pizza place talking to the guy from Windy City Heat while some homeless lady goes from table to table asking for change.

The other night I heard a new M.I.A. jam on the radio, but then I thought it wasn’t M.I.A. for a moment, then I thought it was at least M.I.A. on a record with somebody else, then we beamed signal back to Mr.Big’s limo, then the radio announcer said it was a new Santogold song . Then I realized to most people, Santogold is going to sound awfully a lot like M.I.A.. So if you’ve never heard Santogold yet, go here and listen to some jams (I also took the picture above from there as well). I highly recommend her stuff. Although, if you’re in Southern California and it’s during the day, don’t dance to her stuff cause shit is too hot these days.

For No Reason

2007-08-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

The five minutes that I saw of MTV’s latest high gloss Southern California “reality” series “Life of Ryan”, which is about the life of Ryan Sheckler who happens to be a professional skater and a teenager and if you didn’t catch the fact that he’s a professional skater, he’s going to bring it up every other minute. I think in those precious five minutes I saw, Ryan Sheckler mentioned being a skater at least ten times. Granted it was the pilot episode of the series, but does it really need to be that “duh-duh”? Can’t the audience assume that he’s a pro skater since he’s carrying a skateboard and dressed as if all of his sponsors threw up on him? Or because the show looks awfully a lot like an episode of “Laguna Beach” or whatever the fuck it’s called these days, people might get confused? Or have we gotten to the point with our entertainment that we need it all spelled out for us like a picture with a cartoon of semen on some starlet’s face? I guess it helps to be duh duh these days. Look at it, they’re on TV and I’m complaining about it. Score one for the bad guys. Well, Ryan Scheckler isn’t a bad guy. He’s just a confused professional skateboarder who happens to be a teen whose juggling being a teen and being a skater, you know. Tough work, dudes.

Why does Amanda Bynes look like as if she spent way too much time with the Olly Girls and/or fell asleep in a tanning bed in the movie Sydney White? Can we get a ruling from the great Uncle Grambo please?

We all know that VBS’ Spike Spends Saturday With is pretty cool, but have you seen Robin Brown Spends Saturday with Spike yet? Crazy stuff to the say least.

It should be noted that if it wasn’t for Spencer Sloan and Robin Brown, I don’t think I would’ve ever came back to this intranet thing. The blogback is a slow process and forgive me if I miss a day because I’d rather spend an evening at The Cat & Fiddle talking about whale tails [NSFW] and shit in general in between brews. I’m going to be in the greater ATL area in a month or two, so I may have to break into Goldenfiddle HQ when I’m there.

Over the last month or two, I’ve been working out and it feels incredibly weird to write about it, but I’d like to pass along to tip to anybody whose thinking about exercising and what not. Listen to Explosions in the Sky while jogging or walking it out or running it out or whatever you’re doing. Trust me, just listen to Explosions in the Sky and every action, every movement, every hill that you climb, basically everything that you do will make you feel as if you’re in the middle of the movie. Like the next time, you’re going on a jog and you’re about to do something crazy and intensive, listen to one of their songs like “Snow and Lights” or “Six Days at the Bottom of the Ocean” and tell you’re not having a semi religious moment or acting like those UFC dudes after a fight.

A paragraph or two ago, there was a little bit about spotting famous people and recently for me, I’ve had a few encounters or spotting, if you will. Yet I wasn’t eager to send them into Defamer or even write about them. It’s like “Hey, it’s that girl from “Arrested Development” eating dinner with her husband, cool,” then proceed to quote lines from “Arrested Development” for the next couple of minutes, then talking about Michael Cera, then I start to worry about the impending film version of “Youth in Revolt” and whose going to direct it (Edgar Wright should do it). Everybody likes to hear that people are digging what they do. It provides a quick and painless ego boost, but when and where is it appropriate? A couple weeks back, I saw Busdriver at the Chromeo/Flosstradamus show at the Echoplex and I wanted to go up and say “Your new album was the soundtrack for my life for about two months straight. It’s still in my car,” but you know, that’s a bit too much and not to mention, I was covered in sweat cause Flosstradamus had just destroyed the place. Then at the No Age in store, I nearly bump into Busdriver as I was typing a text message to a friend of mine. I wanted to say that I dug his album, but I was fearful of acting like a schoolgirl. So, I let it go and just let the guy shop in peace. And other times, I think there’s a mutual embarrassment between you and the famous person in question. They know well in advance where they know you from and just rather leave things be. Exchange a few knowing glances and that’s about it. “Yeah, I’m on that show,” with a simple smile and a blank stare. “I can’t believe that I watch it,” with a Jim from “The Office” facial expression and shrug of the shoulders.

Dry Rot

2007-08-29T14:09:00.001-07:00

There are two things that I could say about the No Age in store at Amoeba last night. How awesome No Age was and how rude some cool kids can be. I think anybody who has ever been on the intranet within the last six months knows about No Age. I don’t think they are a victim of blogarrhea because they’re not victims of their own hype. They play loud on record and they play just as loud live. No Age is this generation’s Minutemen; a band with great musical ambition and skills that decided to display it in furious two minutes sonic blasts. In other words, No Age just shreds. It’s one thing to hear Randy Randall’s guitar work, but live, it’s just effortless and beautiful. In works in great contrast to Dean Spunt’s manic drum playing. I want to say that 30 seconds or so into the first song, Spunt already broke a drumstick. No Age is the real deal, no bullshit. Just a bunch of skate rats making amazing music.

And it shouldn’t be surprising that cool kids are rude, but this one guy took the fucking cake. This guy wedge himself in the very tiny space between myself and an other guy then for the first few songs, he starts digging in his nose without a fucking care in the world. He just jams two fingers up there and just digs away like a dog burying a bone. Normally I would’ve looked away, but some of you are familiar with how narrow the aisles are at Amoeba, especially during an in store. I couldn’t avoid it and oddly, this guy took pride in his goal of touching his brain by the end of “My Life’s All Right Without You.” Whatever happened to keeping things discrete and/or amongst friends and/or behind close doors? Sure, if you give me enough beer and a large Oreo shake from Jack in the Box, I’ll say shit, but nine times out of ten, I’m going to keep things discrete in terms of personal stories and of course, digging for brain.

All right, despite the threat of any potential box office fall off due to on line piracy, Dimension has signed Rob Zombie to a two picture deal. Nothing could happen, but at least, Zombie has a place to potentially make more Hillbilly action pictures. Why doesn’t Zombie make a Russ Meyer style picture next? He seems like he’d have more fun doing that.

Piracy Ruins Careers

2007-08-28T13:07:00.000-07:00

What a bummer for Rob Zombie. A work print version of his latest film the reimagining of Halloween leaked online. Yet it’s not the version that’ll be in theaters this Friday according to this article from CHUD. It seems as if the leaked version of the film was Zombie’s initial cut of the film before extensive re shoots occurred early last month.

One has to wonder if the leaking of the film so close to its release is going to affect its overall weekend box office totals. Its widely believed that the pirated copy of Hostel Part 2 destroyed the box office for the film as well as place a road block in the career of Eli Roth. Youth driven pictures like Halloween and Superbad tend to have stronger Friday night openings and fall off the rest of the weekend. In the case of Halloween, it’s going to be even more of an uphill battle for the film this Friday. One, it’s opening on a holiday weekend, one where people like to get away or at least spend their last fleeting moments with family and friends at the beach or engaging in some outdoor activity before going back to work, school, etc. People like a good scare, but doesn’t seem more logical to release a scary movie, especially one named after a spooky holiday during the month of October? Then again, this is the Weinstein Company and they decided to release Grindhouse on Easter weekend as opposed to October or even the summer time. Not to mention, that the horror audience have their panties in a bunch over the idea of somebody remaking what is widely considered and I tend to agree, what is the greatest horror film ever made. So, the built in audience is already turned off. So, any curiosity factor that the horror fans have about the film will be satisfied by watching the pirated copy of the film, in fact, they may even seen a better film then the one that’s being released. Rob Zombie’s preferred cut of the film, maybe.

Also, the face of piracy has been redefined. It’s no longer that old lady on Canal Street, but some frustrated film school grad that works in an post production house that’s leaking these things on line. People are taking the film industry down from the inside. We have rushed strike pictures and now, post production people leaking semi finished product on line ruining the film industry. Now one has to wonder if Halloween performs poorly if Zombie will take all of the blame or will it all be chalked up to piracy? Or just both.

The Lawn Wranglers Forever

2007-08-27T13:34:00.000-07:00

It’s really sad to hear about what happened to Owen Wilson over the weekend. Whether it was a suicide attempt or an overdose or what ever it was, it’s still rather sad. I can’t speak for all of my friends, but I know that in one way or another, we were influenced or inspired by Owen Wilson’s early work with Wes Anderson to pursue our various careers in the movies. Friendships and bonds have been made over the mutual love and affection for characters like Max Fischer, Royal Tenebaum and of course, Future Man. I’m not sure if any of my friendships would be as stronger as they are without endless viewings of Rushmore and Bottle Rocket during the summer in my last year of high school. And over the course of time, my love for Wes Anderson and Owen Wilson to started to slip a bit, but I always and will have always a place in my cinematic heart for Bottle Rocket and the character, Dignan. Of any character in Wes Anderson film, I feel the most like Dignan. I want to call him a dreamer, but I don’t think he is. He’s just a guy with big ideas and plans, but doesn’t know how to put it together. A lot of the time, I feel like that. I’m struggling to put all these big ideas and plans together, but one of these days, it’ll come together. Also, I feel a lot like Anthony, too, but that’s besides the point.

So, Owen Wilson, please get better, the movie going public needs you.

Roll On

2007-08-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

Over the last few months or so, I’ve been noticing that people like to read blogs that feature photos with crazy captions written on them or watermarks. Maybe it has something to do with the content of the photo and not necessarily the watermark its self. Either way, I’m open to try new things in an attempt to get new readers (maybe updating more than once every two months is a good start), so, why not try out the caption thing out. I didn’t want to write out pictures the same way that everybody else does, so I wanted to use specific fonts. The Friday the 13th is indeed spooky and edgy, but it doesn’t evoke enough fear. Perhaps, if there was a built in sound effect it’d be scarier.

To me, putting captions onto pictures feels like lazy writing. I know that this writing is rather lazy, but when you put a caption on, it just seems as if you couldn’t come up with a reference to an episode from “The Simpsons,” or relate it to an event in you life or something remotely interesting. I know that the caption looks fairly rad cause it’s the classic Slayer font and the classic Slayer font is amazing. It’s just too duh duh for me.

Then again, its kind of fun to work in old timey catch phrases onto photos of babes. Especially if it’s the Misfits font. I think the Misfits either are becoming totally trendy or already are or will just forever be cool. The Misfits font is like Vans; it’ll never go out of style.

Speaking of or if you will, captioning of Rachel Bilson, whatever happened to her? She was on “The OC,” but then I stopped watching the show and it got canceled and then she broke up with that one dude who was in The Ten with Winona “Jugs Ahoy” Ryder. Then she fell off the earth or at least fell out of the papparazzi’s view. Why isn’t she in more movies? She was the best thing about that Zach Braff movie The Last Kiss, so why aren’t casting directors and producers flooding her agent and manger’s respective offices with scripts and offers of major motion pictures and pilots? I’m not sure if I could continue to go to the movies if Hollywood’s go to young brunette is Megan Fox or some blonde dyes her hair a darker color.

I don’t believe that I have any pull or power as a writer. Maybe a little or at least just enough to get my inbox clogged up with e-mails about Balls of Fury shifting release dates and the latest P.R. newsletters from Bad Boy records on a weekly basis. Maybe it has something to do with my lack of captions, but allow myself to direct y’all to some cool things. Well, the first thing, I’m not sure about, but a friend of mine sent out an e-mail the other day asking everybody to check out the movie, Dedication. It’s directed by Justin Theroux, who was in David Lynch’s Mulholland Dr. & Inland Empire, so he’s got cool points for days and weeks in my book. The movie also stars Mandy Moore, so you know if you’re a dude, you can take your girl to it and seem like a cool guy for once because girls love Mandy Moore. And if you’re local, I believe it’s playing at the Landmark multiplex on Pico. It’s a great theater if you haven’t been yet. So, support me supporting my friend, Morgan and her support of Dedication.

And the other thing, is fuck no shorts policies at bars. I tried to go into a bar that I’ve been in the past while wearing shorts and the dude at the door was like, “Nah. I can’t let you in on the weekend wearing shorts.” Say wha? Why not? There’s probably a grip of girls inside in shorty shorts in the bar and quite frankly, I probably looked better in my shorts than most of those girls in their shortys. I can understand not being let into Le Deux or Le Dipshit or whatever the fuck it’s called for wearing a pair of shorts, but a bar? A fucking bar? I just wanted to get a couple of New Castles and have some fun and I could’ve chosen to pick up a six pack at the market for the price of two beers and laughed my ass off while watching “Jose Luis Sin Censura” with my friend. I don’t know what’s the problem with a pair of shorts? I guess they want me to wear to a cardigan and a scarf and jeans in muggy weather.

One has to wonder if the fashion elite label certain things as ‘trendy’ and ‘cool’ and ‘hip’ because they know how funny it’s going to be for regular people like you and me when we see those duffer who’ll spend 200 bucks on a pair of sweatpants with ice cream cones iron ons? Or has Gavin McInnes made such a strong impact on hipster culture that people now want to go out in public and be a “don’t”? I haven’t watched VBS TV in a while, so I don’t know anymore. I can barely keep up with “Clark & Duke” and “Big Love” while we’re at it.

You know how the other day I mentioned that I was excited to buy blind the new Rilo Kiley album because it’s Rilo Kiley and I’ve pretty much loved every album they’ve done thus far. Yet as I put their new album in my car the other day, I had to turn it off after one song and put on No Age instead. Then the next day, I listened to two songs before putting Stern on. I don’t know what it is about the album. Maybe the album or at least those two songs sound way too polished and clean for my liking. Where’s that beautiful Mike Mogis produced sound of the last couple of albums? I’m all for artists for expanding and doing new things, but sometimes, there are artists that should continue to do the same thing over and over again. One of those artists is the band, Rilo Kiley; just keep on pumping those jams that got me through my shitty days and excited for work in the morning. Maybe the rest of the album is different and perhaps I’ll give it another try while I’m stuck in traffic or if Artie Lange isn’t being particularly funny on Stern that morning, but it just seems as if I’m listening to the soundtrack for “Grey’s Anatomy” or one of those other type of shows. It seems like they made these songs to have inane banter about who slept with whom over it. I love Jenny Lewis, I do. I really do, but she isn’t woman who could get me to watch “Grey’s Anatomy” again. There’s like one or two women in the world to get me to watch that show again and I think one of them is mad at the show these days. So, maybe it’s a grower, but the new Rilo Kiley album not for me right now.

Then again, I also think my initial rejection of the album has something to do with the fact that the album sounds less “indie” indie, if you will and more like a record you’d hear on Star 98.7. I’m not ready to make that leap into adult contemporary land. Granted, I didn’t go to Fuck Yeah Fest, but I’m going to try to make it on to the No Age free show at Amoeba on Tuesday night (Kill two birds with one stone; see a show and maybe pick up an import Garth Marenghi’s “Darkplace” DVD (episode 3 is my favorite; start here). I’m not ready to make the switch from searching for new Santogold MP3s to being stoked on hearing new John Mayer tunes on the radio (even if he goes to La Esquina aka the best tacos I’ve ever had. Well, I’m not sure if Mayer was cool enough and ate tacos or if he just went to the top-secret underground restaurant.). I’ve never been a fan of that particular genre of music but I fear and largely assume that with age, you just have to start listening to that particular brand of music. I want to remain with it, but I don’t want to be that weird old guy at the show whose still chasing whatever it is. I mean I’m not even listening to rap that much anymore, but I can sing “Say It Right,” the Nelly Furtado song.

One Track Lover

2007-08-24T12:53:00.000-07:00

I don’t have a problem that they’re going to make a movie based on the G.I. Joe action figures and cartoons and comic books of my youth. You know, everything is up for fair game these days and you know, if there’s traction, then go with it. As much as I want to believe that film can still be an art form, it’s still mostly a business. Sure, a film or two that is an art film can sneak through the system and make no money what so ever, but nine times out of ten, unless Vince Vaughn is attached to it, it’s not going to get made. My problem with the GI Joe movie is how fast it’s going into production. The project was announced today in the tra des and pretty much every other movie site and blog. According to reports, they’re expecting to start production on the film by February of next year and of course, there’s no script and once again, of course, producers are worried about a potential strike next summer. At one point or another, I thought I knew what the strike was about. It was something with the DGA or something with the WGA or both of their contracts are up. I don’t really remember or at least I’ve forgotten over the last couple of months. This potential strike has become a monster, perhaps it’s the monster in that JJ Abrams movie, that makes people rush a bunch of movies into production for fear of not having any product to release in summer 2009. I know that it’s a business. I’m learning this hard way, especially during job interviews and I mention Jodorowsky; it’s like I’ve said the sea word or something. They’re just throwing movies into production without much script development.

I know that film is visual storytelling and the script is just a blueprint, but can’t films have a decent blueprint? I’m not looking for a GI Joe script penned by Mamet or Tom Stoppard, but you know, take your time with it and don’t rush the thing to beat the strike. Let alone the rush to cast the thing. So many actors are scrambling to line up projects, not just directors and producers. Yet with such a high profile project, you don’t need a lot of high profile actors, but it doesn’t hurt to have a couple of names. Yet, how many name actors already have projects lined up? It just doesn’t make any sense to rush all of these things cause of a strike.

Then again, if produers are looking to stock pile some stuff to go before the strike, I got two pages of solid gold hit movies ideas. Granted, all of the projects seem like “Superbad as if it was directed by Antonioni” or “The Punisher meets A History of Violence but with big boobs.”

Also, can somebody please explain who James McAvoy is and why he’s such a in demand actor these days?

Futterman's Rule

2007-08-22T08:30:00.000-07:00

All of these remakes of John Carpenter films remind me of a line from “The Simpsons.” Homer Simpson said it best when he said, “Let the bears pay the bear tax. I pay the Homer tax.” You know, let the John Carpenter movies be John Carpenter movies and let other filmmakers do their own original projects. I’ll probably check out Rob Zombie’s upcoming reworking of Halloween because I think Zombie understands the concept of doing a remake; bringing a fresh and interesting take on the old material. But at the same time, why couldn’t he turn his fresh spin on a John Carpenter classic into an entire original full-length script? I’ve seen bits and pieces of House of 1000 Corpses and it was okay. Nice cinematography, but I just wasn’t into it. The Devil’s Rejects, on the other hand is a masterpiece despite having moments straight out of the Marenghi/Learner playbook (“Anything that wasn’t dialogue was open to being put in slow motion.”). Zombie is a solid filmmaker, but instead of doing a remake, why not give the money so Rob Zombie can make his own picture or at least restore the print of the original Halloween film.

Reading Jeffrey Welles’ piece about the recent restoration of The Godfather, it seems like a good idea to check out the quality of the negative for the Carpenter masterpiece. I know that it takes money to do a proper to preserve these prints and most for people, it seems that a nice HD transfer and remastering on DVD is a decent way to save a film. Even on HD, the viewer is not really watching the film the way it was meant to be seen. The audience is supposed to experience the film projected onto a large screen with an amazing sound system and an audience. Yes, film is a singular experience; everybody has their own personal relationship with it, but sometimes watching films with an audience enhances the experience just a bit. So instead of investing money in a needless remake of Escape From New York, why not spend a couple of bones on restoring the negative and saving it for future generations to discover how bad ass Kurt Russell used to be.

Or are studios remaking these films as a way to preserve them for future generations? Is it a better investment to spend a couple of million on finding the writer, then paying the writer for the first draft, then the series of notes, then another draft, then another bunch of notes, then maybe a new writer, then out to directors and who knows what else? Of course with the impending strike, this particular timetable is speed up about one billion times faster. Then there’s the casting, locations, special effects, etc, etc. Yet at the end of the day, with a brand new film, one can make a profit where as with a beautiful restored print of John Carpenter’s The Thing, there’ll be a couple of screenings at the New Beverly and the DVD re-release. Yeah, DVD is a moneymaker, but with a new film, they are good for at least a couple of DVD re-releases before the natives starting getting restless.

Or maybe, I’m just upset by the fact that Kate Beckinsale’s husband is going to direct the remake of Escape From New York. I’ve never seen any of his films, but from the footage I’ve seen of his work, he seems like a real safe choice. Just style for days. You know, why not let John Carpenter movie be John Carpenter movies.

It should be noted that there are few thing that you can count on in this world, but you should be able to count on the following two things: One: There’ll always be a line from the first ten seasons of “The Simpsons” that can be related to any life situation. And secondly, any female you met between the ages of 18 and 25 will have undying love and affection for Mandy Moore. You can always count on that.

Defamer has footage of Mary Kate Olsen on “Weeds. I don’t know, but my faith and hope in the show will continue because the first two episodes of the new season have been so solid. It’s stunt casting to a certain extent, but “Weeds” is a good enough that it doesn’t need stunt casting.

For all of the iPhone users out there; the few, the proud, the impulsive, may I suggest investing in a blue tooth head set. Yes, you’ll look like a robot and while driving people who only see your left profile will think you’re absolutely nuts, but at least your screen won’t be as greasy. The screen is going to get dirty naturally if you’re busy typing a text or e-mail while drinking a espererro mint chip from Coffee Bean, but come on how gross does the phone after you’ve been talking on it? My phone looked like a wrapper from McDonalds after I used the thing. Granted, I’m a sweaty guy, but it’s still possible to save the phone. Use a headset. It’s easier to drive and talk if one has to absolutely drive and talk. It’s a device that enables one to multi task. The other day, I was talking with one friend and sending text messages to another and checking my e-mail. I think the Edge network blew up, but still, it’s possible to do all of these things. The Edge network is a joke.

Oh, T.Lee! Will you ever learn?

Hand to god, I’ve never seen an “High School: The Musical” nor it’s sequel. I have however seen it on the news, you know, E! News Daily and I have to come to the conclusion that one of the girls from it is hot and I’ve done the legal research and it’s okay to say that she’s hot. Yet it still feels wrong to say so, you know?

For Marcus & Spencer

2007-08-21T08:28:00.000-07:00

When I first saw all of those billboards for the show, “L.A. Ink,” I thought that the TLC had given Jewish adult film star Joanna Angel her own show. I scratched my head for a minute thinking why would they call a show that would primarily take place in the Pornando Valley, “L.A. Ink,” but then again, I can’t seem to find a gig in TV. So, I just put into the endless list of things that I’ll never understand. Then a friend of mine said something about how Kat Von D lost a lot of weight since she was on “Miami Ink” or something. Then my dreams of a reality show about a Jewish adult film star were crushed. Then I remember watching bits and pieces of “Miami Ink” over the years and realizing how dumb that show is. Some of the artists on that show do great work, but I don’t know, the main guy just made tattoos and the art of tattooing; well, to put it blunt, he seemed like the Chris Carrabba of tattooing. It seemed unless you were some girl in a bikini with a decent rack, you had to have some great emotional reasoning behind getting work done. This tattoo is to help me get through my divorce or this is about my son. You know, there always have to be an emotional reasoning behind a tattoo on that show. I remember the days when getting tattoos were dangerous and generally located on the sketchy side of town.

Probably over the years, thanks in large to college co-eds going wild, tattoos have become mainstream and commonplace. And shows like “Miami Ink,” and “LA Ink” have tattoos even more mainstream. I thought about getting a tattoo recently. It came to me while sitting in the blazing sun of Las Vegas working on an awful sun burn (I use sun screen all the time nowadays though and you should, too) that I should get one because at that moment in time, I wanted something that said “Never Again,” and literally, getting a tattoo that said “Never Again,” was something that I’d never do ever again. Then I forgot about it for a while, but then I went to a function where there were girls with tattoos and I came to the irrational conclusion that women with tattoos only date other people with tattoos. I tend to believe that people who dress in a similar fashion or style tend to date each other. It’s like what Karen O said, “The cool kids, they belong together.” So, I wanted to get a tattoo again because I wanted to be cool and hang with the girls that have shelves done. Despite the claims from friends that tattoos wouldn’t suit me and that my theory was ridiculous. Then I watched “L.A. Ink” and I realized that not only I do not want to get a tattoo, but I pretty sure that I don’t want to play in the sandbox with tattoo girls. I think the moral majority is behind these shows because it’s making tattoos seem so mundane and dull and clichéd and you’re going to have to make conversation with some body who may or may not dress up like Rob Zombie circa 1993 who says “dude” and “bro” a lot. I’m guilty of saying “dude,” a lot, but I have a few other words in arsenal.

Going back a couple of paragraphs ago, to the thing about a reality show in the Pornando Valley, Am I the crazy one in believing that there might be some reality gold in a series about the folks who work for the AIM in Sherman Oaks? There’d be some medical drama and some wacky plastic surgery and all sorts of wacky characters coming into the office and working in the office. I mean, honestly, how come nobody has done a reality show about this yet? It’d be a perfect slice of edutainment; educating the viewers about STDs and what not and entertaining us with nurses like the Olly Girls, but probably much, much, much, much smarter.

A friend of mine told me that Uffie and the Like are gonna be CineSpace tonight and I thought about for a minute, but then I realized that people like this would be there and I’d much rather stay home and be bummed as I watch Bresson’s Au Hasard Balthazar again. My friend is actually a decent person. So like her and her friends may be the only sane people there.

Am I the strange one because I’m excited to blind buy an album? For some magical reason the new Rilo Kiley album never leaked or at least I never found it, but then again, I didn’t really look that hard. Either way, it’s somewhat refreshing to have the first time I hear an album is when I first put it into the car stereo. Given, it’s Rilo Kiley and I would assume that by now, I’d know the routine and formula for their music. Great songs; whiny back up vocals by Blake, some country twang to it and that’s about it. Don’t ruin a good thing.

As for that M.I.A. album, it’s good, especially if you’re working out, but it’s pretty much a single song album for me. “Paper Planes”. That’s the only great thing about her album. “Paper Planes.” It’s like the Harold & Maude of electro/dance/hip hop/whatever you call it.

I don’t know who or whom owns the North American rights to it, but we have to figure it out because there needs to be a DVD release of “Garth Marenghi’s “Darkplace” soon. Please take a look at the first episode here and please tell me if you didn’t laugh. You might be dead if you don’t laugh.

Beloved “Veronica Mars” star Kristen Bell is going to be on “Heroes” this season. That’s a good thing, but it’s like, I’m kinda of over “Heroes”. The season finale was a lamey rip off of “The Watchmen” and a lot of those actors are, well, I don’t know how to say it aren’t the greatest. They’re good, but just not for me. How diplomatic, is that? But it’s good for Kristen Bell to get exposure and all. More exposure on popular things that do well might make it easier for a V.Mars movie.

Whatever happened to Baby Jane?

2007-08-20T08:14:00.000-07:00

Whatever happened to the Empire? You know, that’s a tough question to answer because whenever I get in front of a computer to write something, I’ve forgot what I wanted to write about. Its either such and such thing is cool or such and such thing is pretty lame, but then again, does my opinion actually matter? Sure, a friend or two may tell me that they’ve enjoyed the long winded and rambling MySpace bulletins, but who actually has the time in their day to read a MySpace bulletin unless it’s about a party or something involving the word, “Free,” unless it’s one of those things about getting a free Xbox or gift card by simply filling out a survey. Has anybody actually gotten an Xbox from doing those things or is it an off brand Xbox style product? Like an Smbox or something? Let alone, the concept of how can an intranet company can generate enough revenue by having dopey teens answer questions about what they like about Applebee’s? So, that’s been the struggling as of late, forgetting about the words or just getting too entirely distracted by something else. Not to mention, what’s interesting these days? Or at least, what’s the different opinion I could prevent on whatever is interesting these days. It’s like really another person who thought Superbad was funny or was disappointed by (insert recently released album by a high profile group or artist here). Nor do I think I could work up the energy to make fun of famous people or at least pseudo famous people. Kim Kardasian has a big ass, but what else is there to talk about? Her sex tape was kinda meh and her dad was OJ’s attorney. Boring. Other so called famous people are going or have been to jail, but who gives a shit. Does anybody remember the days when famous people got to be famous and written about because they did great job? Sure, a high glossy close up of Jonah Hill on a cover of US Weekly isn’t going to move a lot of units, but the dude deserves it because his performance in Superbad was so good that it made me forget that Jonah Hill usually creeps me out.

Sure, I might be creating a plan in the back of my head to become Britney Spears’ third husband or if you will, rebound husband. Granted, my abs aren’t as solid or toned up as a back up dancer, but I think they’re at least good enough for one of the girls on “Rock of Love,” but not one of those old ladies or ladies whose hair is their entire personality. It should be noted that I’ve been working out while listening to Santogold (Dude, have you heard “Creator” yet?), so I’m getting into back up dancer shape. From watching all of this media coverage of Britney Spears’ meltdown, I’ve assumed that neither she nor any of her hang on-ers understand the meaning of the word, “discrete.” It’s fun to go out and get comp’ed at clubs like Opera or whatever the cool place in Las Vegas is, but do you really want to get the same type of treatment that any cute girl and her foxy wifetourage from Ontario, California will get from middle age business man in stripped button downs and linen shirts with True Religion jeans? No. These people need to teach Britney Spears things that can be fun without having to go out to the club. You know, going to the beach and just hanging out while reading a book can be fun. Stealing all of Bret Michaels’ hats and bandanas before a taping of “Rock of Love” can be a lot of fun. Be like Navin R Johnson and build a disco inside the house and book like Crystal Castles to jam out for a weekend, invite Cory Kennedy and that Skull Set kid to take pictures and have fun while being discrete. Perhaps, I’m all hoped on the term, “discrete” because it seemed like a solid buzz word I used in a job interview the other day. I mean it makes sense to be discrete and I assumed that Britney Spears makes assistants and nannies sign confidential agreements, but why doesn’t she sign one for her own life? Okay, I don’t think that teaching her on how to be sneaky like ninja is right place to build our relationship. You know, I assume that she’ll say something about how it’s easier said than done and probably the term, “y’all,” will also be added into the mix. Nor does any one who at one point in their life was considered to be one of America’s greatest sex symbols want to hear that she needs to act like Brian Wilson in the 70s and raise her kids. You just know that one of those kids is going to be overweight like Carnie Wilson, so why not embrace it and go all the way with it?

Or she should just go in the complete opposite direction embrace being bat shit crazy and hook up with Tom Sizemore and Danny Boudouche and do a VH-1 show. Or at least in a couple of years do a show like “Britney Spears is 30 With Two Kids and Single.”

I don’t understand MTV anymore. Whenever I flip by it, I see endless reruns of “America’s Next Top Model.” Who gives a shit? You know whatever happened to all the women who won America’s Next Top Model? I haven’t seen them in the magazines, but then again, you could count the number of fashion magazines I read on a single hand. Maybe they’re all “Deal or No Deal” girls, but whose got the patience to lock that stuff up? Let alone the concept of who wants to watch reruns of a show that people already know the outcome of? That girl won and didn’t have a career. I saved y’all two hours of programming, now let’s run a batch of dating shows, so I could see Cal State L.A.’s finest please or at least a couple of girls from The Social on Sunset; like the ones I drunkly yelled “Holler, Holler, Holler,” at a month or two ago. Without these dating shows, how all of the young and untalented going to get exposure? I know that there’s going to be a “Flavor of Love 3” and a second cycle of “I Love New York,” and they’re probably in pre production on a second season of “Rock Of Love,” but how many washed up musicians is VH-1 going to drag up? A dating show with Artie Lange? Well, I’d watch that in a heartbeat, but you know what I mean? Where’s the training in lightly scripted drama for these kids outside of bad student films? Sure, one could take the easy way out and start to date Audrinia from “The Hills,” but how many dates is one going to last without thinking about her face looks like a dummy.

Speaking of “The Hills,” I tried…. I tried real hard, Ringo to not watch it, but I did and all I can say is that Whitney is insanely hot. It look me a while to figure it out, but holy shit, that girl is a stunner. Smart and tall. Yet, the most interesting thing about those two episodes was that guy, Justin Bobby. Yes, I know that guy is the big waste of a sperm and egg since Rainbow from “The Rock Life,” but please don’t let that guy be the representation of what everybody in LA is like. Call me a hater, call me an angry man, but man who can’t cut his own food doesn’t deserve to live. These man sloths in flannels and ripped jeans, what a waster. What a fucking waster.

And have you seen the Cisco Alder vehicle, “The Rock Life” yet? I went into watching, thinking that Cisco Alder is a douche and it would be just 30 minutes of him douching off. Yet I found myself amazed that I felt bad for the dude. You know, his dog dies, he breaks up with Mischa Barton and worst of all, he has to hang out with that Rainbow guy. What a bummer. What a fucking bummer. Cisco Alder and Roy Osborne’s kid are the only normal guys. Everybody else is a piece of shit and/or some of the worst people alive. Why has television programming become about giving shows about horrible people?

Granted, it’s a good idea to show people like Spencer Pratt, so we know how to identify pure evil. Now only if this was the good old days, an angry mob with torches and pitchforks would be storming an high rise apartment complex right about now or at least a crazy doctor who looks like Donald Pleasance would be transporting him to a mental hospital. I can understand how shows like “The Hills,” and “Sunset Tan” serving as a deterrent for people to not move out to LA, which is a good thing because hopefully it means less crowded streets and easier parking for me. So, the rest of America, yes, LA is full of women with orange skin and clown tits and the men sleep for like 20 hours a day and spend like 200 bucks on a t-shirt and if you were to parking for half an hour in Century City, you’re going to need to take a small loan out from your bank to pay for it. Please, don’t come here. We’ve already had enough unless you’re insanely funny, happen to have a region 1 DVD copy of Garth Marenghi’s “Darkplace,” have real boobies, and willing to finance/purchase any of my movie scripts or the scripts of my friends. So, in other words, we need to more girls like Whitney from “The Hills” with a large disposable income and doesn’t believe that “surrealism” is a dirty word.

Anybody else wondering if Mitch Hurwitz, creator of “Arrested Development” will have a similar rise to success in the movies like Judd Apatow? Apatow had a bunch of brilliant, but canceled TV shows before he struck it big in the movies by doing the same type of humor as his TV shows just with more dirty words. I want to believe that it’s possible because Mitch Hurwitz needs to be do something funny. Or at least, can’t Judd Apatow throw Mitch Hurwitz a bone? Produce a movie that he wrote. Just don’t hoard all of the juice for Jonah Hill or Martin Starr. Granted, I like Martin Starr is hilarious and all, but you know, Apatow should use of this synergy and produce a decent film starring Gary Shandling written by Mitch Hurwitz. Spread the comedic love or at least make a Charlyne Yi movie.

So, I’ve never actual seen it, but for some reason I know who most of the cast of “High School The Musical” is. I feel bad about it. I don’t know all of the names of the Republican canadiates running for President in 2008, but I know who Vanesse Hudgens is and Corbin Bleu and Zach Efron and Ashley Tisdale. Something is wrong with America or at least me.

“Weeds” is still good. That’s all that needs to be said. Can’t say the same thing about that show named after that lame Chilli Peppers song.

And finally, one has to wonder what the cast of the third season of “Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County” is up now that the show moved up PCH a smidge to Newport. If Joe Francis wasn’t in so much legal trouble, late night television would be filled with commercials featuring the likes of Cammy and Kyndra. According to Wikipedia, a source more reliable than the New York Times, Kyndra got breast implants and MTV decided to move up the street for a new cast? What a bummer, man.

2007-07-31T11:24:00.001-07:00

I remember talking to a professor of mine about another professor's potential course on Italian cinema and how in depth it was going to go. This professor said that if he taught a class on Italian cinema he would start in Italy in 1960, then after a couple of films move to London in the mid 60s and end somewhere in Death Valley. Michelangelo Antonioni was one of the greatest visual poets to ever sit behind a camera.

A-Y-O!

2007-07-23T22:25:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong that I like that song? I think it is, but there's something special about this jam. Maybe it's the jam that'll bridge the gap between beat geeks and cougars at Las Vegas night clubs. When I first heard the song, I said, "what the fuck was that," and to be honest, I still have no clue as to what Curtis and Timberlake are singing about. I assume it's mush mouthed lyrics about pulling chicks and then there's some bullshit Prince esque falsetto action, right? Nothing new, but Timbaland just knocks me out. At first it starts out as annoying Dan Deacon style tune, but then those classic drums kick in and I don't know, I'm a sucker for it. Although, it should be noted that I wasn't that much of a sucker for the Timbo solo album; liked that Nelly Furtado tune and that's about it. It may be hard to believe that I think the song could've been so much better if it was like Lil Wayne stealing more material from Riley Martin & Kool Keith and talking about life in outer space.

Another thing of note, the other 50 single, "I Got Money" has an amazing hook and that's about it.

Anybody else bummed that the new JJ Abrams movie 1-18-08 may actually be called Monstrous? What a waster. Also, what a waster all of this on line hype is going to be come next January. We're already going to know the whole movie, dudes. Sure, it's fun to figure things out while "Lost" is on a break, but lettuce not ruin the entire movie before it's even out.

Anybody else going to the Flosstradamus shows this week? I'm gonna make it out to one of them, but I'm not sure if I'm cool enough though. Maybe if I drop a grand over on Fairfax at Supreme & Family, maybe I can pull it off or at least if I finally get that fedora.

One of these days, Alice, one of these days.

We Come Hard

2007-07-11T16:14:00.001-07:00

In hindsight, the dude was probably just doing his job, but that raging liberal inside of me felt hassled by the police as I was leaving the Dr. Dog show the other night. I just got into my car and I was checking my e-mail on my iPhone. Maybe that’s why I was hassled/questioned by the police because I was being an asshole with their cool, super expensive iPhone. It should be noted that I wasn’t driving; I believe it’s against the law to use your phone while driving unless you got a headset or something. Any ways, this cop approaches me and talks about an alarm going off in a building and if I knew anything about it. I said nope, and then the officer mentioned the afro I have in my driver’s license photo. Then the officer lets me go. I know that it wasn’t anything bad and quite frankly; the dude was just doing his job. But, it was such a bummer after watching such a great show. Dr. Dog is such a great live band that I’ve been seriously rearranging my Thursday night plans to catch them at the Echo.

Speaking of shows, anybody planning on going to the Patton Oswalt free show on the 25th at Amoeba? I think I’m going to try to make it; I mean I should bearing anything cooler coming up in my life, which I don’t believe is going to happen any time soon. Besides, I’ve only seen like 10 minutes of Patton Oswalt doing stand up before I got sick. It was a Coachella thing; not a Patton Oswalt being insanely funny thing. His new album is pretty solid, if I may say so. Also, be an ultra nerd and pick up a copy of Monster Squad on DVD.

Back to that Dr. Dog show for a minute, I’m not sure if I could even feign the interest and excitement to be a faux cool kid these days. I’ve been seriously debating whether or not if it’s time to delete all of those Blood Brothers tunes on my iPod and replace them with like Connie Baily Rae tunes and you know junk that old people listen to. But at this show, I thought that I wasn’t going to get in because I wasn’t wearing a Fedora. I didn’t know that the Fedora had become such an item of cool; I thought it was an item reserved for cats like Ducky and various band-os from your favorite 80s teen movie. But I guess if Brad Pitt and the Cold Wars Kids do it, then it must be the coolest piece of headwear since whatever limited edition Supreme hat was released within the last few weeks. I mean I was looking for all of my early 90s hats (I found an old Bulls hat with a red & black zebra print bill) cause they were the cool, but I guess I need to step my game up. Are high wasted pants going to be the next big thing or are people just dressing like they’re favorite band? Are the fans of the Cold War Kids and bands of that particular genre becoming like sports fans? You know how die hard sports fans wear full team uniforms to the game in hopes that maybe they’ll get called into the game (I stole that from Jimmy Kimmel) and are these guys beginning to think that if they wear a white v-neck American Apparel summer tee and some tight black jeans that if the drummer gets injured during the middle of a jam, the band will ask that dude to fill in?

Using this particular logic, maybe I should start dressing like college film professors, so in case, I happen to be around and they get injured, I can fill in for them. It should be noted that I strongly believe that I was meant to be a film academic and not a maker as I was watching Transformers a second time. As I sat in the theater, satisfied from finally seeing the trailer for 1-18-08 and in between scenes of the remake of Walkabout I made in my head staring Rachael Taylor, I was thinking of potential essay topics that could from Transfomers. The film is racist; the film has a consumerists agenda that goes beyond being a film based on action figures; Michael Bay: a modern day John Ford or a mainstream Russ Meyer? Have you noticed that there’s some cleavage in every other shot? The iconography or the film’s various attempts at creating distinctive iconography is insane.

And as I stated before, all of my iPhone related questions have been about if I like it and naturally, I just show them this video and say that I can watch it anytime I want to on my phone, then pretty much, the conversation is over because they’re weirded out by the video.

Giant Swan aka An Ode to Sasha Grey

2007-07-06T08:21:00.000-07:00

Is there such a thing as iPhone related postpartum depression? I mean what is there to do with the thing after the first couple of days when you talk or send text messages/e-mails to people and it's a big deal cause it's an iPhone? You know, for what the thing is worth and what people have been going through to get one of these things, there has to as Roxy Music said all those years ago, "More than this." The novelty of the phone sadly will last about the first couple of trips to Coffee Bean for a Mocha mudslide or the first trip to the bar, but even then, the phone is a sign of weakness. You see, I got an iPhone and it's cool and fun to use, but here's the deal, I rarely use a phone to begin with, so why do I need such a powerful phone? Because I have no personality or at least lack the fundamental ability to start a conversation with people. The things that I like to talk about: how much No Age shreds, the new T.I. album, Antonioni movies, and the Stern show. These aren't topics that most people have a even passing knowledge in. I don't even believe a stripper eager for a lap dance tip could feign interest in a discussion of who would've been the better cinematographer for Transformers, yet it's a subject that I could talk about easily for twenty minutes about. It's a problem I have and this is where the iPhone comes in. I pull out the phone in a public situation, pretend to send an e-mail to a friend, somebody sees it and kaboomba, there's a conversation. All be it, it's extremely brief and not a whole lot of topics are covered. "Is that an iPhone?" "Yeah." "Cool. How do you like it?" "It's all right. I mean it's pretty awesome. You know, it's an iPhone." Then the person would nod and then I'd quickly leave with the Mocha Mudslide in my hand, eagerly awaiting the sugar rush. Then again, the conversations that one is bound to have with an iPhone aren't going to be the ones for me. Maybe, if I show people the cover flow function and put on No Age or Diplo, then I could steer the conversation back into the zone of my interests. I don't want to talk about the Edge network and how it isn't; I'd like to talk about this awesome Mika Miko video I happen to have on my iPhone or the Dora the Explora "Lean like a Chulo" video. Set up was real easy, but check out this poster for an old Robert Altman film I'm getting framed right now.

I'm not sure if I could be content with all of my conversations being based around the fastness of the Edge network or sound quality of phone calls. It'd become one of those car guys that always ask questions that you should know about your car, but you never know the answer to it. I just know how to start it, put gas in it and when the engine check light comes on, take it to the dealership. Now I'm going to get into conversations with smart phone guys about keyboards and wifi connect ability. I'm not sure if I could engage in these types of conversations. I can barely function with normal people, what makes one think that I could keep up with people who have both a trio and a blackberry clipped to their belt? I just think I'd tell those dudes that I think the ringtones that phone comes with are kinda gay and just walk away. Then there'll be those people who really want to an iPhone but they get really defensive towards you when asking questions. I saw this lady at the Apple Store the other day almost ask the dude at the store if she could take a demo phone out of the store to test out the Edge network, then complain that she couldn't log into AOL.

In hind sight, maybe the iPhone as a conversation piece was a bad move or at least not clearly though out. Then again, when have I ever thought something out?

But there has to be some sort of iPhone remorse out there. It's a cool gadget for a couple of days, but then it just becomes a phone right unless Apple finally gets off their ass releases the iCar, right?

Anybody else having this problem where they think they see like a celebrity male driving in a car behind them or next them, but it turns out to be a woman? It has happened to me in the last couple of the weeks. What's this saying about our famous people? Or is it we yearn for the days of a good old gender bender like Bowie? To be honest, I'm going through seeing famous people withdrawals. For six months straight, I had the chance to see somebody or something remotely famous and now adays, nope. It's a bit of a bummer, but gotta keep it moving and something is bound to turn up. That's what they always say.

The rule of once something stops being funny it becomes funny again doesn't apply to every situation in life. I learned that the hard way.

My problem with the Transformers film; well, I have a lot of them, but real briefly. My problems are as follows:
-Not enough Robots. I thought it was called Transformers, people. Not Shia LeBeouf acts all awkward around Megan Fox's cleavage.
-The cast. I go to the movies to see movie stars, not a bunch of people from TV. The thing felt like a TV show; not because it was a big screen adaptation of a TV show, but most of those people were from TV shows.
-Michael Bay making his ET instead of two and half hours of robots beating the living shit out of each other.
-Anthony Anderson. He's not funny unless he's playing a chain smoking high school player on the Saturday morning sitcom, "Hang Time". He's a good dramatic actor.
-The aforementioned cinematography issue. It felt off.
-The fact that trailer for that top secret JJ Abrams movie wasn't attached to the print of Transformers I saw. I have to sneak back into the movies to see it because those YouTube bootlegs didn't do the job.
Other wise than that, I liked the movie when people weren't talking and it was just about robots and Rachael Taylor's character running around in high heels. Yet the nerdiest thing that one could ever do is probably complain about Transformers. It's awesome cause it's a live action version of Optimus Prime fighting in downtown LA.

Anybody going to see Dr. Dog next week? I think I might try to make it out to one of those shows. I'm not sure. I mean it's not No Age, but you know, it'll have to do.

And as one could see by the title, this is an ode to Sasha Grey, the only adult film star that I'm aware of whose into David Gordon Green and Werner Herzog movies. Looking at her MySpace profile and her favorite films thing, it's very intimidating. She's like the girl that every guy in film school writes a part for their suburban variation on whatever Darren Aronofsky or David Fincher or Wes Anderson is doing opus. Like if you were to talk to her about Amos Vogel's book, "Film as Subversive Art," she'd probably call it bullshit and pull out a better example of subversive filmmaking. So, it's really refreshing to see some one that famous and attractive into really good movies. I'm such a weirdo that I wonder what it would be like to shop for DVDs at Amoeba with her and not what every other guy is thinking about.

The horse, it's taking me a while to get back on it, but when I do, it feels good.

Saves The Day

2007-06-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

I remember a couple of years back or maybe it was a year ago, who really remembers? Any ways, there was this story on the news about some duffer who was fired from job because of what he wrote about in his blog. And of course, there’s the great scare tactics of the 11 o’clock news promo about what your MySpace profile will say to future employers. All of these things on the intranet are out there for anybody to see with a little help from Google. Either they can hurt us or it’s just whatevs. Nine times out of ten, I take the iust whatevs attitude, yet recently; okay within the last week or two, I’ve been really regretting things that have been said on the empire only in the sense that it may hurt me in the job hunt. It’s like oh wait, I wrote what about your client or said this about your TV show/ your movie. I knew that one point or another, my words would finally catch up with me, but I wasn’t expecting it soon.

So, it’s been a struggle for me to figure out what exactly it is that I complain about. Why does anybody have to a blog to complain about bullshit that is meaningless in normal, regular life. But what’s left to complain about? Let alone being original in one’s criticism. Me complaining about traffic on the 405; not that interesting. Why don’t I just become a talk radio host if I’m only going to be interested in public affairs and politics. Not to mention, if you’re a public affairs guy, the only people that are actually going to be into it are the people that want to make prank phone calls. I could complain about music, but I really don’t know that much about music. I know what I like and I know what I don’t like and generally everybody else on the intranet pretty much has the same taste as I do. Isn’t it weird that people go on the intranet to voice their opinion, but yet they all seem to like the same thing? Then one could talk about sports, but as previously stated, I don’t know that much about sports. To be honest, I don’t know that much to begin with. Then I could complain about L.A. DJs but that’s a lost cause because anybody with a shred of fame to their name and a laptop could DJ some party. So, kids make me more famous so I could DJ nighttime model pool parties where I could play the Misfits and T.I.P. jams.

Which brings me to this point of what to write about other than time killing prose about how I don’t watch “Lost” anymore or how y’all should’ve just blind bought the Alejandro Jodorowsky box set or just talking about how awesome that Darth Nihilus guy is. So, I’m at a cross roads of what to say.

I bet you some duffer like myself started to yell “The Champ is Here!” and this girl was all like, “That’s me!” Then she got free drinks the rest of the night.

Anybody else check out Nikki Fenke’s article on Eli Roth and the failure of Hostel: Part 2? To me, the failure of Hostel doesn’t seem like such a surprise because the only people were buzzing about the film were people who hated the sequel without even seeing it or at least after watching a bootleg, unfinished version of the film. There was the failure of Tarantino & Rodriguez’s Grindhouse only a couple of months ago. Yet more importantly, the first Hostel was released in early January. All types of school kids were out for a few weeks with nothing to do. Not to mention, who wants to spend a nice summer day or evening watching some lady roll around in the blood of the girl from Welcome to the Dollhouse? I don’t believe piracy is what hurt the film; arrogance and media hype is what killed the film. Every one just assumed that it’d be a hit and anything less than a solid opening within the top 3 would’ve been a failure. Granted, Roth’s ego is beyond bruised. To go from having your car waxed by Harvey Weinstein and any dumb Czech extra to Harvey delaying, maybe even canceling his Stephen King adaptation. Roth has said that he wants to take some time off from directing, but that’s the wrong idea. Take a break, yeah, but not a year off. You gotta get back on that trolley and make another picture. He doesn’t have that body of work that will make yearn for his next film no matter how long it takes. The horror genre doesn’t have any time nor any room for a Terrence Malick type; that’s John Carpenter’s job.

Maybe it’s surprising or maybe it’s not, but Ratatouille is good. While it’s not hard to be better than Cars, the new Pixar film certainly is. As weird as it sounds it reminded me of Goodfellas; in terms of structure. The only fault with the film is that 15 minute stretch where the audience doesn’t hear Patton Oswalt, but I only say that as a Patton fan. The other problem with the film wasn’t with the film its self but with the audience I saw it with. The most condescending man in the world sat next to me. Every time there was a joke, this asshole face would turn to his niece or daughter or whatever and say, “That was funny,” or explain a plot point to the child. It maybe an animated film that is structured like Goodfellas but it doesn’t mean everything has to be explained to the child. You know how is the child supposed to develop their own sense of humor if their creepy uncle leans over tells them what he thinks is funny? This is the reason why sitcoms still need laugh tracks cause of the creepy condescending uncle.

Anybody else still sticking with “John from Cincinnati”? I still have no clue as to what’s going on. Is Ed O’Neil’s character supposed to be retarded? Is the show supposed to be a parody of “Lost”? Will every supporting actor from “Deadwood” appear on the show at one point or another? There are just too many questions that I’m not sure if I have the patience to invest another seven episodes with; two more maybe.

I don’t want to sound like a Johnny Come Lately, but I’m obsessed with No Age’s “Weirdo Rippers”. I’d easily put it in my top five favorite albums of this year. It’s dense and loud, but at the same time, it’s quiet and poppy. More importantly, it leaves you waiting more. "Neck Escaper" is probably one of the best songs ever.

2007-06-16T15:18:00.000-07:00

The teaser for Paul Thomas Anderson's There Will Be Blood is nothing sort of beautiful. Wish it was in a better format, but any new PT Anderson footage is better than no new footage. Anybody else getting a Days of Heaven vibe from it?

Been walking around, singing to the Moldy Peaches a lot lately. Also, that No Age album kinda shreds.

Students of the Game. We Passed the Classes.

2007-06-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

I would post more often, but I can't get any sites with a blogspot.com address to load. So I'm just gonna assume that nobody else can read this and keep on listening to the Junior Reid/Cham remix of "This is Why I'm Hot". Mims, not so much, but Junior Reid, yes sir and just keep a stockpile of thoughts up until I can read Cory Kennedy's blog.

Man, V.Mars in comic book form? I'd rather see it in pog form, personally.

We Don't Believe You. You Need More People

2007-06-11T00:23:00.000-07:00

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just getting up there in age even though I have no clue as to where there is, but it’s a mot point. Maybe it was the secret shame I had for leaving a baseball game early (The Dodgers were up when I left and it was top of the 8th). Maybe my brain had finally melted from the constant breaking news on the news about Paris Hilton’s prisoner status (Dear journalists, you should’ve said, “hey wiener kids, just go to Is Paris In Jail Right Now (dot) come or go to TMZ, if you actually think that this is news. Who cares about the whole G8 summit business, you know? [It should be noted that while I may joke about the G8 summit, I have no clue what happened there either]). Maybe my brain had melted for another reason, all the driving I had done that or that painfully stint on the 110 after I drank a liter of water then slugging it out on the 101 and well, having to go potty like nobody’s business. Now, don’t get me wrong because the jams I heard at the Turntable Lab anniversary party last Friday were amazing. It was Hollertronix for fuck’s sake. Diplo and Low Budget played “Never Scared,” ‘nuff said. But and there’ll always be a but with me, but that had to be one of the worst crowds I’ve ever seen in my life. There were pockets of people who were going off and dancing like possessed people, but they weren’t anywhere near me. Instead, I happened to be dancing near the people who decided to be right in front of the stage and hold conversations with each other and stand around while people are going nuts and plan their next attempt to get back on stage to do a little dance. I understand the desire and yearning to get on stage and dance. I tried it once when I was in New York, but a security guard shoved me off the stage and my dreams were dashed away. It wasn’t meant for me because I’m not somebody famous (in my own mind, I am) and I’m not a babe and I’m not that good of a dancer; I dance for exercise and to make my friends laugh. Something happened during the show, perhaps after DJ Blaqstarr’s set and the start of Hollertronix’s set, but everybody and their kid sister who managed to get a nifty fake ID with the name, “McLovin” on it no less just decided to get up on the stage and go crazy. I understand the Turntable Lab employees on stage and bringing up girls to the stage cause that’s awesome and that’s a page right of the Motley Crue handbook. Yet at certain point, it just got too outta hand like a hipster girl in pleather pants and they had to turn down the music for a while. It’s a problem if they have to turn down the jams cause some fuck in overpriced Nikes wants to be the star of the show. Then there are these people who push and shove their way to the very front of the place because they are just the biggest fans in the world. Yet they just stand there and talk with their friends and explain whom they are watching and well, just not dance. Or they just stand on the dance floor and get upset when somebody decides to dance around them.

The show seeing as I saw a similar show when I was in New York City back in March just made me realize that Brooklyn, no matter how hip or how cool or how unhip and uncool it becomes, still is a better music city than LA. Granted that they were still playing music at the Echoplex when I left at 2:15 in the morning, but most of the crowd had left. Where as in the city that never sleeps, there would be a lot more people left, still giving it all. I don’t know, but the crowd at the Echoplex just reminded me of that bit about people in LA on David Cross’ “Shut Up You Fucking Baby.” Maybe I just stood around the wrong people, but that had to be one of the worst crowds I’ve ever been around.

Echoplex is beyond nice and the show was amazing.

I managed to watch Eli Roth’s Hostel: Part 2 and I don’t want to bum Eli Roth out or anything, but the movie was way super boring. 40 minutes or so of poor character development and awful dialogue. Hostel Part 2 irregardless of what anybody on Aint It Cool News or whatever website was quoted twice in the print ad for Hostel Part 2, it isn’t the scariest or best horror films in ten years. If anything, Hostel Part 2 is a mancation movie in a slasher film’s clothing. I’m assuming that this film is no different than Wild Hogs because it’s all about guys attempting to regain the manhood and what not. And the interesting film, the superior sequel would’ve been about these old guys tooling around Europe, looking for young girls and then they end up in the hostel and women are the ones doing the torturing. Roth could’ve made a semi subversive women’s empowerment film, but instead just made an ugly, unnecessary and tedious film that wastes the talents of everybody involved. Roth can direct; it’s just that he can’t write or at least he can make really awesome trailers. Anything longer than two minutes and he loses me. And that scene with Heather Matarazzo was even too graphic for me and I’m a man who can’t wait to see a movie like Sweet Movie.

David Milch, really? You have to be kidding, right? No more “Deadwood” for this show? A bunch of surfers swearing ion a show that’s trying way too hard to be like “Twin Peaks,” come on. Yeah, I’ll probably tune in next week, too. It’s not awful, but it’s not brilliant either, but it’s also not okay either. It’s somewhere between bad and okay, if such a middle ground exists.

2007-06-07T09:16:00.000-07:00

I honestly believe that the comeback, if you want to call it a comeback because i haven't hit any real home runs yet. But the real reason I think I came back is so I discuss my various issues surrounding Hostel Part 2. I don't want to support it because there are far too many scripts that just sit on shelves of various of development executives and readers that are amazing, but never get made. Yet a film primarily about tourturing people gets made and gets endless amounts of hype and publicity, mostly from duffers such as myself who cant' stand the fame that Eli Roth has gotten from making movies with crummy dialogue and awful characters. Then I heard Roth on the Stern show the other morning and I was like, he's not such a bad dude after all. He's fucked up in the same way as horror filmmaker is fucked up. And I feel suckered into seeing the film now because he went on Stern and talked about this film has the best ending of any film this summer and I'm a sucker for a good ending because I don't know how to end anything properly. I assume that I have closure in certain situations but then again I don't believe that never ever talking to people again is a healthy form of closure in today's world. I was talking to somebody at work the other day about going to watch Hostel Part 2 as if I was committing a crime. I feel like such a hypocricket.

I also believe that I came back mostly to say awesome Clark and Michael are. Have you guys been watching it? It's the best TV show that's not on TV right now. Why hasn't Adult Swim stepped up and bought the show and run it on TV like a normal person?

Last Exit To Brooklyn

2007-06-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

It's probably said countless times already, but it demands to be said again and again though. Not only is UGK & Outkast's jam, "International Players' Anthem" one of the best songs of the year, but it's one of the best rap videos in a while. Shit, it's one of the best videos in a very long time, period, end of story. Maybe it's the beat by reality TV superstars Juicy J & DJ Paul, which is beyond infectious or it's really good verses by everybody on the damn record. Hip Hop does not crank enough tunes like this one. Less "I don't want cake for my birthday, i want it every day," bad thinly coke metaphor stuff and more grown up tunes.

Speaking of grown ups, I assume that you've heard the new Beastie Boys album already. Have to admit that I like it; not in love with it, but then again, it's an album that you just hang out with. You put it on in the background while cleaning the house or while making a phone call where you explain to your friend that everything doesn't suck but it certainly feels as if everything thing does in fact suck. Music has gotten interesting lately just as long as we're not slaves to whatever the cool kids in Baltimore are into. Stay true and stay free.

Harry Knowles, personal friend of Eli Roth reviews Roth's new film. Wow, it's a positive review, what a shocker. I can see how some people get offended by the term, "tortue porn," because they're just making a scary movie. Then they could make a statement about the violence in films like Hostel Part 2 is no less graphic than say the violence in Miike's Audition or even to a lesser extent the classic horror genre films like say any of my beloved Argento films. The difference between a Suspiria and its graphic violence and let's say the first Hostel film's violence is that Argento makes his film look pretty. Roth, I don't know, his stuff is just ugly and not fun to look at. There's no artstic style to it. It's just for shocks and even then, it gets boring after a while. Also, I just think I have a problem with these types of film because well, over the last couple of months, I've seen the movie making process first hand and how hard it is to get something that's a good script turned into a movie. I dunno, it just bums me out that something Hostel Part 2 gets made in little over two years.

Then again, Bijou Phillips did the film, Eli's most mature work to date.

I'm trying to think of interesting things to write about without having to talk about how awesome "Rob & Big" is. It's a really good show. Well, one could talk about "On The Lot", but if you didn't go to film school or make backyard movies or work in the film industry, then who really gives a shit about the show? Some people are making interesting things, but it's mostly crap.

The Long and Winding Road Part 2

2007-06-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

Granted, I'm not the most political kid out there. I do wear them on my shelve and one of the most attractive traits in a person can be a solid voting record. It should be a major question asked on the second date, but I degress. As much as America needs to make a change and will make a change next year, but isn't a way too earier for all of this campagining by both Republicans and Dems? Look at all those Democrats, sure I could ask, how many of them do you know other than Hilary and Obama, but more importantly, how many of them are actually going to make into the primaries next year? These guys are over hyping themselves like they were the anxious marketing team behind Transformers. It's not even the fact that it's too soon, have they given any thought to the fact that maybe around this time next year, things have the potential to be completely different. Although what are the chances that things in Iraq are going to get any better or Bush will actually throw a bone to the working class? So, there's a good chance that things will stay quite the same. But it's just too soon, man. Too soon. I mean all of the premature debates have the registar of voters already asking me if I could work the primaries in February of 2008. The only thing that I plan out far out in advance is where I go to lunch and that's usually at 11am. Why not make the big push and have even more debates in the fall.

A friend of mine has been asking me for the past couple of weeks to go LAX, but I've been like "Nah, I want to read my book," or "Nah, I want to watch "60 Minutes." Then another friend of mine is like LAX is awful; ugly people and dumb girls who want to take pictures of DJ AM dj'ing, but now, I'm not so sure cause it looks like you could sneake off into a corner and have a cooler party than the kids in the overpriced Supreme gear with too much early 90s nostalgia.

By the by, if we're in the midst of hipster early 90s nostalgia, are Zubaz pants going to come back? Isn't Jeremy Scott doing a similar thing with his gear? I mean I don't know much about fashion; I may wear a high end pair of Levi's, but it's still Levi's. How much longer until we see some story on the channel 11 news about an emerging underground scene with rich kids who are sorts of drugged up but you know they have a photo blog, so their irrational behavior is all apart of their artistic temperment but these kids are newsworthy cause they wear old school oakleys and zubaz pants and have affairs with fat Italian guys who work at auto body shops. If you're gonna claim 90s nostalgia as your beyotch, then go all the way with it.

Speaking of fat Italian guys, until Monday morning, I had been in a funk for nearly two weeks. I haven't been fully be able to explain the funk to anybody who doesn't have a subscription to Sirius. It can't be explain unless you spend four hours a day listening to the Howard Stern show. I have yet to fully recover from the stunning announcement that Artie Lange may leave the show in January of 2008. Yeah, I know, that's a long ways a way, but if Artie wants to get some help, why doesn't he do it now as opposed to putting it off. That's sorta like your high school friend telling you at the start of the summer that she wants to break up at the end of summer, but still wants to have fun with you until then. Either shit or get off the pot. I know it's just a radio show, but I became a more die hard fan of the Stern show during the Artie era. And if the Stern show loses Artie even for a couple of months, the show will still be interesting, but it's going to be mostly Howard talking about his engaement and chess while a Rev. Bob Levy tries to crack some shitty joke.

Yes, the City Wants You Gone

2007-06-03T23:18:00.000-07:00

It seems only fitting that the moment I finally decide to call it a wrap for the empire, a there's a nerdy triumph. Please be advise that there will be far too many spelling errors in this because if we're going to go out, then we're going to go out the way we came in. Run on sentences and frequent mispelled words. I say triumph because look at the success of Judd Apatow's Knocked Up. An R-Rated comedy starring most of the cast of two brilliant yet canceled tv series with oddly the same type of humor has a 30 million plus openning weekend. It just makes me wonder would a "Freaks & Geeks" have survived if Bill, Neal, and Sam could've used some swear words? Would more people be in love with 'Undecleared" if Marshall and Ron were allowed to openly take tokes from the bong? The Apatow film formula isn't really that different from the TV formula except maybe that in the TV world, nerdy guys gets the girl who isn't out of his league in terms of looks; the girl is usually on his level. Knocked Up is a funny film; is it as funny as the infamous Variety review from SXSW makes it out to be? No, but it's one of the few films out there that actually works; thanks in large to the casting. I remember reading some place where the writer compared Apatow and his stock cast of actors to the great Preston Sturges' stock cast of character actors and it's a far better comparsion than the Wes Anderson/Sturges comparsion. Apatow has this great knack for plugging in the right comedian or actor in there for a great monologue. For me, the biggest laugh in the film was the monologue delivered by Craig Robinson as the bouncer. Maybe another actor would have take the thing over the top, but Robinson is just pitch perfect and another example of Apatow's great eye for casting.

And here's the problem I'm having with updates. I started to write this a couple of hours ago, then I got distracted by a phone call and then there was a commercial for the iPhone during "60 Minutes," then like the MTV Movie Awards were on and I just complete lost my focus on this thing. I lost the focus to finally wrap things up. Perhaps, I'll have to do a farewell tour, then finally hang up the laptop.

Probably another reason why I'm hanging it up aside from the fact that I'd be really embarrassed to write endless paragraphs about my new favorite tv show being "Rob & Big", but I feel so out of the loop about other things. I missed the memo, but apparently Baltimore is the new Brooklyn and we're supposed to be into these tunes by Dan Deacon or somethng. I just can't keep up. I still think that Brooklyn is super cool and I'd much rather awkwardly sing "What A Waster" in a staircase with some random lady walking behind me, then sing the song the rest of the day while at the office. I don't know what's going on anymore. I didn't go to any of the Arcade Fire shows at the Geek theater. I'd rather watch Fitzcarraldo and go drinking with Robin Brown and try and I mean, try really hard to not lose my shit over laptop DJs who stop Harry Nilsson jams way too early.

Then I'm watching the MTV Movie Awards and you know, I'm laughing at Sarah Silverman's jokes, but it feels weird cause you know, she's all foxed up and rehearsing the jokes in front of large black & white photos feels a whole lot different than ripping them right in their face. Then Rhiana perfroms and I didn't even know she had a new jam out, but I was kind out the door as soon as I saw Jay-Z's corny face. And I don't understand why MTV has to do a reunion series of the Real World. You know why doesn't the music industry get on MTV's ass about playing some videos again. Music is good, MTV, so why not play some instead of another show about kids in bandanas fighting with each other and drinking with reckless abandon? Why not have the Beastie Boys on the air and have them do a full fledge jam session and blow some kids' minds. Kids, these days don't care about shredding, but they know that when you're arguing, you should wear a bandana and probably a hoodie and knowing these kids, it'll be a $200 hoodie from the Supreme store. I understand that there's a need for a groups like Fall Out Boy and Gym Class Heroes; they help you realize how much better music can be when you first listen to "Pet Sounds" by the Beach Boys.

And Eli Roth shouldn't be the most important voice in horror movies. Granted, I loved the trailer for Thanksgiving, but that was roughly a minute and half. There was another few minutes that were great in Hostel. Roth knows what he's taking about and he's passionate about film, it's just that he can't direct actors. Eli Roth would make for an amazing film professor and if he was a place like USC, he could be jamming co-eds during the summer breaks, but I'm not sure if directing is Roth's strong suit.

I dunno anymore. I just hope that you're watching Clark & Michael.

Don't Make Me a Target

2007-05-29T21:05:00.000-07:00

Who knew that this generation's Gary Busey would or at least at point in her career was fairly attractive? I'm just glad that she followed the advice of a fellow ginger, Danny Bonaduce: "Never go to rehab sober." I just wonder if a lot of morning zoo DJs are playing that Amy Winehouse tune and during the ramp up, make references to Lindsay Lohan or something. If anything, they should play some Iron Maiden in tribute to her downfall. She's been dressing like a Supreme groupie lately. It's really sad that she's fall apart in such a manner. She could've been great and funny, but maybe we'll get another awesome helicopter movie out of it. Is it weird how self destructive famous people during their comeback do a helicopter related project? Remmber Jan Michael Vincent and "Air Wolf"? I don't, but you get my point. How does that sound like a good idea to producer or a casting director? Hey, lets put that guy everybody knows for drinking and driving in a helicopter filled with missles and fire arms? Yeah, he'll be much safer in the air.

I don't know what else to say. "Tourist in My Town" by the Pink Mountaintops is probably the greatest love song ever written. I honestly want to watch Nancy Drew more than any summer blockbuster this summer season; well, take it back, The Simpsons Movie and Knocked Up. How come there hasn't been a backlash against Judd Apatow movies and the lack of visual style to them yet? Reading "No Country for Old Men," great book. Hating on DJs in L.A.; fucking laptop "DJs" need to fall off a cliff and the people who refuse to dance to Justice's "D.A.N.C.E." need to be knocked a cliff too. The song tells you that it's easy as A-B-C to do the D.A.N.C.E. I don't mind the skate or die kids freak dancing with the cougars. I mean, its gross and all, but at least, they're dancing.

Also, according to Dark Dreams, one of the skeet on... empire favorite filmmakers, Dario Argento considers his latest film, Mother of Tears to be his bloodiest film so far. I'm just more geeked out on the Suspiria re-released hopefully in the fall, if the Weinsteins manage to stop crying over the spilled milk known as Grindhouse.

The City of Wind

2007-05-14T08:12:00.000-07:00

It only seems like a couple of days ago I was saying about the past four months and now, its turned into five months. What happened to my updating abilities? I dunno. Maybe I thought that if I stopped updating, I’d stop getting e-mails from TMZ and promotions people filled with the false hope of free DVDs. Yet sadly, neither has stopped filling the inbox, which probably explains why I rarely reply to e-mails these days. Then again, I’m not that popular of a person, so I don’t get a lot of e-mails to begin with. Once again, I digress. I’d make up excuses but you know, that’s just not me.

First and foremost, have you heard the Sunset Rubdown cover of Xiu Xiu’s “Apistat Commander” yet? Not that into Xiu Xiu, but at the point with Spencer Krug tunes where if he were to release an album of him singing the phone book, I’d not only download it, but I’d buy a physical copy at Amoeba. Well, I should that take back cause I’m not that sold on the whole Frog Eyes deal. This “Apistat Commander” tune is just phenomenal and hopefully an indication of how the new Sunset Rubdown album may sound. According to an interview on Pitchfork with the Besnard Lakes’ Jace Lasek, the Sunset album is gonna be pretty prog rock.

Now, I know I didn’t update for so long because I didn’t want to post this:
“
Sadly, I’m still in deep analysis of The Coen Brothers’ split with their DP of 15 years, Roger Deakins. It still seems really weird to me. Maybe they’re just taking a creative break and it makes sense for the Coens to work with Emmanuel Lubezki; since they’re going for a hand held, cinema verite style. Lubezki, as evident by the glorious tracking shots in the best film of 2006, Children of Men is the go to hand held guy other than camera operators who worked on Michael Mann’s Miami Vice. It just seems weird. Maybe Deakins is going to do the new Sam Mendes film or”
A really nerdy unfinished thought on the new Coen Brothers film. Who really wants to put it out there that they spend many hours wondering about cinematographers.

I honestly have a love/hate relationship with movies. I love movies and their potential after I watch something like The Holy Mountain or Hot Fuzz. Movies can make you think, make you laugh; in other words, movies can evoke a mess of emotions; good and bad. Yet when I saw 28 Weeks Later, I saw a trailer for something that made me hate movies all over again. I’m not the first and I’m not going to be the last person to complain about the current crop of horror films, but they just bum me out so much. Mainly the movie, Captivity. Maybe the finished product is a completely different from the trailer, but it just seems to be 90 minutes of Elisha Cuthbert being tortured and beaten. How is this supposed to be entertaining? Or at least, a reflection of what’s going with the world today? Make a political film or at least don’t pretend that torturing a pretty blonde girl is a statement against Abu Ghraib and the current administration. Or just make a smart science fiction film like Children of Men or The Host or classic George Romero or even for that matter, like 28 Weeks Later. Sure, at times, the politics in these films can be a little heavy handed, but it’s not repugnant as Captivity as well as Hostel Part 2.

I mean what happened to horror movies any ways? What happened to the days of things going bump and some sexy teen go investigate the noise, then there’s spooky sound effect and like three minutes, there’s some gruesome death? What happened to that? Has the audience got so extreme that a horror movie amounts to a girl or a guy being poked at with razors blades with awful cinematography. I dunno, I just hate movies.

It should be noted that after watching 28 Weeks Later, I liked movies again. The cinematography is breath taking. Not as solid as 28 Days Later but it’s still worth watching. Between that film and Hot Fuzz, that’s the only interesting things at the movies right now.

I don’t know what else is cool any more either. Thought that the last two episodes of “The Office” have been insanely funny. Scared to watch to the last two “V.Mars” cause it may be the last ones ever. Artie Lange still cracking us every morning on the Stern show. That Justice “D.A.N.C.E.” ep is pretty sweet. I dunno. Everything sounded so much better in my head than on paper.

Perhaps, I can't deal because I finally realized the placebo effect in Vitamin Water. It's not really Vitamins, but just sugar and food coloring.

Don't Play Us For Cheap aka I Got Grapes aka The Terrorists Will Win aka Oompa Loompas from Beverly Hills High...Part 2

2007-05-02T08:19:00.000-07:00

I’ve made my fair share of bizarre comparisons and analogies, but I think this one may be one of the strangest, but it makes so much sense. Friday’s trip to Coachella was like when you thought or believe that Cory Kennedy is the coolest. Where as Saturday was the point that you realized that Cory Kennedy’s twin sister, Chris Kennedy is probably cooler cause she looks nerdy enough to geek out over Large Professor remixes. Granted I may have not met any of the girls from Gods Girls[NSFW] but I got one of their beach balls, but for the most part, day two at Whoachella was close to perfection.

Although, it should be noted Friday night ended on a downer note as we returned to our condo to discover the power went out during the night. I think it was payback for me earlier that day yelling at Dora the Explorer. I’m sorry but she can be really condescending and well, as my man, Alec Baldwin would put it, “a rude little pig.” She just stares at you even though you answered her question and everything is like, “Wow, really?” I don’t know how it’s beneficial to the youth of today. It’s going to take them like five minutes to answer simple questions like, “Do you want a free boost with that?” and every body is going to be a smart ass and yell, “Great!” after every answer.

Perhaps it was the electrolyte packets give to me by the people in the first aid tent, who at times seemed more stoked on the fact that one of their fellow first aid peeps went out and picked up some t-shirts for them then actually helping people out. But I felt renewed that Saturday morning. Not fully back to normal, but as normal as I could be after about 7 hours of sleep and a delicious egg scramble. As much as I don’t want to admit it but the key to Whoachella success is fairly simple: First, stay at a place that is fairly close to highway 111; that stretch of land is your best friend at midnight. And secondly, leave early.

On Saturday, we didn’t want to nor did we need to be there until like 3 o’clock to catch Hot Chip. In theory, we could have another leisurely lunch and maybe take a few laps into the pool, but we left at noon cause traffic the day before had been so awful as well as the whole searching your bag process the day before. Thankfully we left early because the Indio Police department still to this day does not know how to direct street traffic. I don’t mean to repeat myself, but what kind of crazy drug scene is going on in Indio the rest of the year that prevents these guys from learning how to do their job. There wouldn’t be stories on the local news about how an evil rock music festival terrorizes local residents and forces them to stay in doors. We were driving down one street looking to make a right turn, but it’s blocked off, so we had to drive down the street make a crazy left turn through heavy, heavy traffic and swing back around, so we could straight ahead, you know. But of course, the traffic cops now decide to let people make a right turn and we can’t go straight. I just don’t understand how this happens every single fucking year and they never ever seem prepared for it to happen. Do they just assume that maybe this year will be the one-year where nobody comes? If anything traffic is going to be worse for Stagecoach this weekend cause country fans like to drink and drive trucks. I’m not saying that they do it all at the same time, but I believe there’s enough country songs out there to indicate that it probably happens all too much.

Anyways, getting there early, allowed us enough time to get through security, drink about four or so bottles of water and just hang out in the shade and check out kids who were there with their parents. I saw a mother who was forced to wear a bandana around her neck as if she was a hipster. Yet on the other end of the spectrum, there were these Oompa Loompas from Beverly Hills High. These short, well dressed and I assume to be wealthy girls running around just creating all sorts of havoc and distraction. Coming to the show in their dad’s land rover with their friend sticking her legs out the window and putting sunscreen all over them then running through sprinklers. Or they shove their way to the front of the stage during the middle of Hot Chip’s set, only to leave after like two songs. What the fuck? We know that you’re short and cute, but there’s no need to interrupt our groove because of it. Get on my level and get to the tent early and deal with the annoying guys from Australia who happened to run into fellow Aussie during the show and the guy smoking a cigarette about 5 feet down the way. We don’t care that you’re holding hands with a girl who has hair like the girl from “The L Word” or that you’ll use your big fat gay friend to knock us out of the way. Go to the back and arrive early next time.

People can be so frustrating at times and to make matters worse, I had to do a presentation on Monday about an article in my stress management. The article was about seeing the innocence in people and if you view people with compassion, your frustrations will disappear. Yet as I was doing this particular presentation, I thought bullshit. Come to Coachella deal with these assholes and tell me, Richard Carlson, the author of the article, if you can find the compassion in these duffers.

I did manage to find compassion in the people who were selling food and water though. Yeah, 8 bucks for a teriyaki bowl, a little too much. But we live in America and America is a supply and demand society. They had the supply and we had the demand.

So, if you must know, I decided to go it alone and see Ghostface. Much to my surprise, there was probably like four thousand kids behind me. As much as I liked Ghostface’s set, I just wish that there was a little more too it than J-Love hitting buttons on the instant replay machine and the audience doing a Wu Tang sing a long. I thought it was funny when Ghostface talked about how he saw Cameron Diaz.

Hot Chip was great and totally blew it for Peter, Bjorn & John. Peter, Bjorn & John in comparison to Hot Chip, at first was so slow and just boring. I thought about bailing, but right at that moment, they played the hit song, which was good, then the rest of their set was good. You know, they actually played songs with a lot of energy as opposed to doing stripped down, special numbers. It should be noted that the dudes outnumbered the women at Peter, Bjorn & John which put my theory to shame.

I saw like two seconds of the Decembrists and thought they were really wimpy. This was a point of contention for the rest of the weekend. Basically me against my friends. Maybe I was meant to be a jock or something, but the Decembrists just seem too intelligent for me to enjoy. I can’t appreciate an accordion solo and clever and witty lyrics when I listen to music. And it’s not like I can’t enjoy slower tunes, I live on a musical diet high in Neil Young and Will Oldham and Joanna Newsom, but their music doesn’t scream out, “Nerds” to me. All right, maybe Joanna Newsom a little, but The Decembrists make me feel like I’m Ogre to their Lamar Latrell. Maybe if the Decembrists add like Kerry King to their band, then maybe I could get into it.

Justice, for me, was the best thing about Coachella. I had seen the Ed Banger Rec. crew DJ a month or two ago in New York and it was a lot of fun, but as DJs they didn’t blow me away. If anything I left bummed cause Justice didn’t play “Phantom.” Yet as I walked into the tent, my ears were greeted by the song, “Phantom,” which still is running neck and neck with “What A Job” as best song of the year. I can’t explain it but Justice just really brought it and had an amazing set. It was incredibly awkward dancing while holding onto a beach ball, I’ll tell this much. Justice was complete and utter opposite of the Decembrists. Justice was more metal than Mastodon.

Then there was James Murphy. I shouldn’t even have to say anything about James Murphy and LCD Soundsystem. They were great. The new songs sounded great. The old songs still sound amazing. Sure, I would’ve loved to hear a “Beat Connection,” or “On Repeat,” but I’ll gladly take dancing underneath a disco ball with a bunch of strangers to “All My Friends” while wondering where exactly are my friends? I knew that they were in the tent with me, but exactly where? I couldn’t tell you at all. I saw “Human Giant” star Aziz Ansari jam out to “Yeah,” the dude was slamming his hands on security gates. It should be a sketch on that show, Aziz jams out. As I leaving the LCD Soundsystem, I ran into a couple of the girls from Coachella ‘007 Y’all again and they asked if I was going to watch the Rapture. I said no because I just saw LCD Soundsystem.

So, that was Whoachella ‘007. Friday were d’evils, but EL-P & Bus Driver came through with solid material. Saturday was pure genius. Sunday was gear shopping at the outlet mall while harboring feelings of regret for missing Rage, Explosions in the Sky, Air and any other random cuties. Also regret about not taking people up on their offers of a late night pool party. I probably wont do it again next year unless, you know the Smiths are playing or they get the Beatles back together. I’m talking original line up Beatles. Or as I suggested on Saturday to a friend, who now believes that I’m in a quarter life crisis cause of this particular request, but get like the Misfits or Danizg to play the hits. Who doesn’t love “Hybrid Moments”?

Also, have you picked up your copy of the films of Alejandro Jodorowsky box set yet? Get on the fucking trolley and skate over to Best Buy.

Another thing, did you hear the news that Emmanuel Lubezki is going to be the cinematographer on the new Coen Brothers' film? Is it weird that this the only thing that I want to write about? I love Emmanuel Lubezki's work and all, but what happened between god amongst mere men, Roger Deakins and the Coens? Their cinematic marriage is one of the greatest; on par with De Niro & Scorsese, PT Anderson & Philip Seymour Hoffman, Preston Strugees & his cast of bit players.

The Rap List...

2007-04-30T13:02:00.000-07:00

I along with a bunch of people were asked by Jeff from Passion of the Weiss and Joey from Straight Bangin' to come up a list of our 25 favorite Hip Hop albums of all time. So, here's my list...

01.“Endtroducing…” by DJ Shadow
02. “Paul’s Boutique” by the Beastie Boys
03. “Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)” by Wu Tang Clan
04. “Straight Outta Compton” by N.W.A.
05. “Midnight Marauders” by A Tribe Called Quest
06. “Dr. Octagonecologyst” by Dr. Octagon
07. “Only Built 4 Cubin Linx” by Raekwon
08. “Supreme Clientele” by Ghostface Killah
09. “One Word Extinguisher” by Prefuse 73
10. “Black on Both Sides” by Mos Def
11. “The Chronic” by Dr. Dre
12. “Illmatic” by Nas
13. “Infamous” by Mobb Deep
14. “Fantastic Damage” by EL-P
15. “The Blueprint” by Jay-Z
16. “Deltron 3030” by Deltron
17. “Aquemini” by Outkast
18. “Fish Scale” by Ghostface
19. “Life After Death” by the Notorious B.I.G.
20. “The Low End Theory” by A Tribe Called Quest
21. “The Cold Vein” by Cannibal Ox
22. “21 & Over” by Tha Alaholiks
23. “Purple Haze” by Cam’ron
24. “Liquid Swords” by The GZA
25 .“The Unseen” by Quasimoto

I Got Grapes aka The Terrorists Will Win aka Oompa Loompas from Beverly Hills High aka The Beat Moves On aka Whoachella '007 Part 1

2007-04-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

There’s a part of me that wants to tell an epic, but at the same time, I’ve learned that the average attention span can’t handle an epic these days. Thank goodness David Lean isn’t making movies anymore. Not to mention at the same time, it just takes too long to write an epic. We barely have time to bleed these days, so where’s the time to squeeze a few thousand words about standing in an oven next to some shirtless guy with a nasty sun burn working on his fifth cigarette in about ten minutes and some barely dressed Oompa Loompas from Beverly Hills High are sneaking their way to the front of the stage. In a nutshell, that sums most of my Coachella experience.

It wasn’t a total wash. There were moments of sheer bliss and most importantly, fun. Then there were moments of sheer frustration and extremely discomfort. It was a mixed bag with mostly good. Spending quality times with friends is always time well spent and throw in a mind-blowing set by Justice; it’s pretty much the definition of a good time.

So, Thursday night, I went to the Filter pre party, which was weird cause I’m never cool enough to go at an event such as that. You know, free booze cause we’re young, hip, cool and have a disposable income. I’m not used to that type of thing, but you know a free Heineken light is a free Heineken light. And you know I’m not used to being at a functions where people like Sarah Morrison and Cory Kennedy and the Cobra Snake and Cory Kennedy’s much cooler sister, Chris Kennedy are at. I can’t make conversation with cute girls on coke while waiting in line for the bathroom. “I like this song.” “(sniff)Yeah, me too. I like the Gossip (sniff).” I want to talk about how to turn a book like “Then We Came to an End” into a successful script and Alejandro Jodorowsky movies. I can’t keep up with these cool kids. I mean if it wasn’t for that conversation with that girl while waiting in bathroom, I would’ve never known that the Gossip was the people behind a song that I like. Then again, there was free beer, so it even its self out. Although, it should be noted that I did happen to run into the very cool and extremely friendly ladies of the Coachella 2007 Y’all blog. We talked about how much better New York City is in comparison to California. I’m a So Cal kid until I die, but New York is better.

Then there was Friday, which well, the less said the better. Not that it was a horrible day of music or anything, but everything that could go wrong went wrong. The day started out fine. Got a decent amount of sleep and woke up in a enough time to catch Alec Baldwin on “The View,” and spent the rest of my morning saying, “Of course, I’ll bring your ballet shoes.” Yet as we left the condo for the polo grounds, the gods must’ve been pissed at me. I just sat in traffic for what seemed like hours. Granted during this traffic jam, I discovered the magic of Marnie Stern, but I missed Flosstradamus & Kid Sister and a majority of the Comedians of Comedy. Traffic wasn’t the only thing that prevented me from seeing those particular acts, the security was a major roadblock. You would think after doing these things off and on for nearly 10 years, that there would be a guide book as to how they run and operate the security inspection and ticket taking, but maybe it’s the curse of the first day and I should’ve just said, “it’s their first day,” but you know when you’re standing in 100 degree heat, already sweating like a televengist who had an affair with Jessica Hahn and bummed that you missed Kid Sister and Aziz Ansari already, it’s my first day just doesn’t work. After what seemed it like an hour, we finally make it through and rush over to the C of C to catch Zach Galifianakis, who was amazing followed by Brian Posehn, who was just as funny. Of course, Patton Oswalt was the closer and he was killing it. The material was new to me and just brilliant, but my stomach disagreed and I got the sickies. So I had to run all over the place to find the bathrooms and it was just bad business. At that point, I thought, maybe I should go back to the Condo and claim Danny Glover status, but if I had, the terrorists would’ve won. So I sucked it up and just sat on the grass and attempted to get into Of Montreal. Just wasn’t for me, I tried, but no dice. So, went over to get a spot for Amy Winehouse and basically had the sun directly on my back for forty minutes while some fat duffer in front of me lit up a cigarette.

Maybe its because I don’t smoke cigarettes, but I am an extremely self centered individual, so I understand the notion of meeting your needs and demands before anybody else. Yet is nicotine that addictive that you just have to have a cigarette while in a room that is so crowded and filled with sweaty bodies that there needs to be a new word to describe it. Not to mention, its 100-degree outside and probably a 110 degrees inside the fucking tent. If nicotine is that addictive, then it needs to be outlawed or at least there should be a little smoking corner. Am I the crazy one?

In addition, to me, it just seemed that the kids just used Coachella as a place to smoke pot. Music was an after thought, but getting baked was the main priority. Like I said, Danny Glover status.

Back to Amy Winehouse, watched about twenty minutes of it before I got sick again. She was great. She was cute and tiny and has a great voice. I was pleasantly surprised. Yet I would not let the terrorists win, so I decided to go to the first aid tent and got some help. Basically some electrolytes packets and just laid down on a cot for a couple. Missed the Chain cause I was looking for my friends. Finding the people that I carpooled with sorta triumphs seeing “Just Like Honey” live. So, the rest of Friday night went okay. Saw Bus Driver, he came through in the clutch like David Ortiz. Saw EL-P; he wants to be like Trent Reznor, but it was good. He played all the jams.

Then there was Bjork. I like Bjork a lot and thankfully, she played all the hits. Not a set full of new stuff that would have our heads scratching. It was great and I’ve finally seen Bjork perform live, but as I was sitting on the grass by myself. I wished I was at a place like the Hollywood Bowl instead. You know wearing some pants and a fancy shirt, have a nice bottle of wine, some good food to eat during the show and just sit back and enjoy it. And to make matters worse, DJ Shadow was at the same time and in between songs, I could faintly hear in the distance a song that meant a fucking lot to me at one point or another in my life. To make matters even worse, after Bjork’s encore, Shadow breaks out “Organ Donor”. It was as if Josh Davis was stabbing me in the back with that one and to add insult to injury, as we were leaving, he starts to play “Midnight in a Perfect World.” It wasn’t fair.

To Whom This May Concern...

2007-04-23T21:27:00.000-07:00

Whoever picked the set times for this weekend's Whoachella, honestly and seriously, you fucked up my weekend big time. How do I make the Sophie's esque choice between Ghostface and the Arcade Fire on Saturday night? Who the fuck is Tiesto and why does he get to close on Saturday night? And how do you put Blonde Redhead on the same time as LCD Soundsystem? Ugh. I don't even want to talk about Friday night. Seriously. I feel violated and bummed out.

Win Place Show

2007-04-19T08:45:00.000-07:00

So, this Coachella thing has very much been on my mind lately. I’ve been able to sleep somewhat at night, but there’s been a lot, like a lot of tossing and turning. Yet during the dull drums of a Wednesday afternoon spent in an office, I’ve finally made up my mind on who exactly I want to see at Whoachella ‘007; Friday and Saturday though. While generally I don’t have any class, I oddly have one on Monday. So, if you’re going to be there and have an awkward and most likely extremely uncomfortable conversation with your humble narrator, then check out the following.

A small side note, while I feel that this list should be set in stone, it may greatly change due to the fine folks who program the festival.

On Friday, I plan on seeing…
-Bus Driver. If you’ve been keeping score since like December, you would know that I’m madly in love with Bus Driver’s latest album, “Roadkillovercoat” (pick it up if you haven’t yet, dude. DJ Nobody has beats for days & weeks). I’ve seen Bus Driver a couple of times live and his shows are a lot of fun.
-Flosstradamus featuring Kid Sister. It may be too warm to wear a super expensive multi colored hoodie, but it doesn’t mean I still can’t enjoy the music.
-EL-P. The dude released “I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead,” nuff said; Stan Lee status.
-The Comedians of Comedy. I can only imagine a majority of their various sets being drowned by the noise from a band like Circa Survive or I don’t know what, but Patton Oswalt is one funny dude.
-DJ Shadow. Okay, so his last album was kinda ‘meh’ but he still could be interesting. Maybe he’ll just play “Midnight in a Perfect World” as the sun sets in the desert.
-The Jesus & Mary Chain. I’m not the biggest fan in the world. Honestly, I just want to hear “Just Like Honey.”
-Amy Winehouse, but like for a song and to see if her hair can with stand the heat and to see if Perez Hilton is on the side of the stage eating all of the food.
-Interpol. I dunno. I like Interpol.
-Bjork. I like Bjork, I dunno.

On Saturday, I plan on seeing…
-the Arcade Fire cause they’re the Arcade Fire and the chances of me getting tickets to their shows at the Greek are slim to none unless my name is Getty as in the Getty.
-The Good, The Bad & the Queen. A bunch of English dudes playing some dub stuff, rad.
-LCD Soundsystem. I love me some James Murphy.
-Blonde Redhead. I almost don’t want to watch them because the last time I saw them it was so great and I just assume that any other time I see them, its going to be on par with that night at the Glasshouse in April.
-Hot Chip. My friend saw them by himself and said it was one of the best show he’s ever been to. Plus, you know, I need to drop some LBS and I figure dancing in the desert to “Over & Over” will do the trick.
-Ghostface. Sure, I could’ve seen Ghost countless times at much closer venues, but to have the ability to see James Murphy & Tony Stark in the same day is absolutely priceless.
-Peter, Bjorn & John. I figure this is where the girls are going to be.
-Justice. If they don’t play “Phantom,” then the entire trip will be in vein.
-The Black Keys. They’re probably monsters in the sack and on the stage.

If you have any suggestions of who I should check out, I’d love to hear them…

Also, what's up with "South Park" doing back to back Zach Snyder movie paradoies?

Ghost Dog, Man...

2007-04-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

Even if the kid does in fact finally get voted off this week, he should at least make an appearance on the Stern Show for keeping him around for so long. It’s not we’re asking him to come on and do Nick Manning impressions. Granted, it’d be hilariously creepy, but you know, he should throw the truckers who voted 200 times a bone at least and talk about his sister’s boobs or something. Make it worth all the effort and time, you know. I think it’s time to let this joke end though. It’s been funny and a good excuse to watch “American Idol,” but you know, it’s kind of mean.

I think I may have been in the minority, but I tuned out during “I Love New York,” except for the part where her and that one dude went swimming with dolphins. Yet, “Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School” is must see TV. You take the best part of “Flavor of Love,” the crazy women and remove the worst part of the show, Flavor Flav (sorry dude) and just let the girls get drunk, fight, yell and are funny all on their own. And now, there’s a greater appreciation for these girls on other level. For example, Serious aka Crisital from “FoL: Season 1,” is really funny, but you wouldn’t know with all the Flavor Flav stuff and New York talking with her eyes closed that Cristial had a great personality in additional to a bizarre spelling of crystal.

I still feel like I’m out of the loop in terms of what the cool music is. I haven’t heard any new Dizzie Rascal, then again that Dizzie Rascal album was pretty shitty, so that may explain why I haven’t heard anything yet. I haven’t heard any new Bjork either. I have listened to that Handsome Furs album and you know, it sounds an awful a lot like a Wolf Parade album just really sparse. It’s good, but I don’t know how people are talking how it’s a really dark album. Maybe lyrically, but you know, it’s just a dude and his lady on drum machines. Maybe, I’m just losing it. Next thing you know I’ll probably end up thinking that Carlos Mencia is funny or something.

Although, it would take a tremendous loss in brain cells to find Carlos Mencia funny. Is there anybody who actually finds him funny? It’s like one of those situations when there has to be somebody out there who digs it. Like with Spice Girls back in the late 90s. Everything has an explanation or a solution.

To be honest with you guys, my mind is completely focused on one thing right now, Whoachella ‘007. To be specific, two aspects, my impending car pool and planning out my perfect Friday and perfect Saturday. I’m carpooling with one babe, maybe another, which is great. Yet the issue is do I jam out to Stern on the trip or be diplomatic and listen to some of her jams for a while and stuff that would fall under the category of mutual appreciation? Or do I pull the when you drive, we listen to what you want card? I think it might easier to be diplomatic and just jam out to stuff like that A Trak mix cd. How can you go wrong with Trillville rapping over New Young Pony Club?

Now, the other problem of planning perfect days is out of our collective hands. It lies solely in the hands of the fine folks at Goldenvoice. No matter how many times you write down all the bands you want to see or at least catch a bit of their set, there will be something that will prevent you from doing so. I want to catch a bit of the Black Keys, but you just know that like Peter, Bjorn & John will be playing at the same time. Now, this wouldn’t be a problem if I went to as many shows as Passion of the Weiss, but sadly, I don’t. I’m a bit of a shut in and like going to bars and listening to DJs who refuse to play my requests (DJ FUNK! “Phantom” by Justice!). So I have to make these tough decisions about watching The Black Keys or Peter, Bjorn & John. Probably Peter, Bjorn & John because most of my friends will want to watch them and girls are into them. Then again, I’ve heard that the Black Keys are amazing live and how often am I going to be a Black Keys show? You know, these are the panic attack inducing questions that keep me up at night the days before Whoachella.

I know that it’s early, but whose all going this year and who are you wanting to watch?

And finally, folks, I have a problem. I’m addicted to the song, “Coffee Shop” by Yung Joc. I’ve honestly listened to it over the past two days at least 20 times on my iPod when I’m walking in between classes and from the parking structure to the office. This song is bad, like really bad, but I can’t stop listening to it. I just hope that the video is just as good.

Also, the world is fucking crazy and scary right now. Let’s all be cool and nice to each other right now.

Stray Cat Rock

2007-04-16T08:10:00.000-07:00

For the past couple months, I’ve been biting my tongue. I’m not a big fan of biting my tongue, but it seemed in my best interest to hold tight. Take that back, I haven’t been biting my tongue on rather lengthy MySpace bulletins and text messages. So if you had extra special friend privileges, then you’d be more than familiar with my tales. Yet, I can’t hold my tongue no longer on a particular manner. Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of famous people and it only makes sense when you’re interning at a major movie studio. It was bound to happen and happens on a fairly regular basis. Generally, when I see some body that I’m a fan of, I get excited and carefully whisper to another person, “that’s such and such,” and after the person passes by, I pull out my cell and send a note to what ever friend I think would be the most jealous that I saw such and such. I want to say something, but I’m never sure as to what I should say to these people. I don’t want to bug them or freak them out, but after four months of saying nothing, I finally said something to Rashida Jones and Craig Robinson aka “Karen” and “Darryl” from “The Office”. I saw the two of them hanging out and the Safety episode had aired the night before and lately, the character of Darryl has been kicking a lot of ass. The situation called for me to say something. How often do you get to run into cast members from one of the best TV shows, let alone, the night after an episode where one of those individuals had some great jokes? I had to say something, I just had to.

Granted, I didn’t say anything profound to them. I get star struck rather easily. For example, I will treat my friend completely different because a portion of her has been photographed with a portion of the world famous Sarah Morrison. So, now in my book, she’s famous or at least a small portion of her is famous. I’m easily impressed and have a limited vocabulary, plus I was coming back from getting a delicious organic sandwich (get into Bag Ete, please!) and listening to ”Dirty South Dance”. Yet as I walked by two people who actually make the week worth getting through, I had to shout/say/yell, “Good show last night!” and probably give the thumbs up. And they were so cool about it and very appreciative and threw the thumbs up back at me. Rashida Jones is like really hot in person and has a really great smile. So yeah, that’s my celebrity sighting.

Also, a month or two ago, I think I saw Roy from “The Office” as well, but you know, it’s Roy. He never says anything funny.

So, I basically take three weeks off from the world and a big mess of singles trickle out onto the intranet. I guess, there’s a new T.I. song, but I haven’t heard that yet, have you? And there’s “International Player’s Anthem” by UGK & Outkast, holy smokes! What happened to Andre 3000 and where was this dude when they released “Idlewild” last summer? First, there was his first verse on Devin The Dude’s “What A Job,” which by the way, still remains the best rap song of double O seven thus far, but Andre3000’s intro on “International Players Anthem” feels really honest and is funny. Then there’s this Yung Joc song, “Coffee Shop,” (see this week’s song of the week) is probably the dumbest song ever recorded especially with Joc sounding like a diet coke version of Young Jeezy. But, that beat and the hook is insanely catchy; I will find myself within the next couple of days singing, “at the Coffee Shop.” And then there’s this song called “And I Love You,” by Rich Boy, which further fuels the fire that I have horrible taste in music or maybe, I just like tunes that make my car go boom when I have that rare moment when I can drive fast on the freeway.

In case, you were wondering exactly how awful my taste in music is, you can stalk it at last.fm. Find out exactly when the last time I listened to “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne. What? It’s a pretty good song and she’s like two feet tall. Her height has nothing to do with her musical ability, but it’s funny to see her stand around other people.

Andy Samberg and Shia Lebouf have finally made me laugh. To be honest though, I’m just baffled as to how Disturbia made all of that money. I guess it pays off to make ultra safe thrillers for the pre teens. Not to mention, it probably doesn’t hurt the film runs less than two hours either.

In case you were wondering, the empire does not support the splitting and potential re release of Grindhouse. Splitting them on DVD is okay because I won’t have to make that awful decision of where should I place the film: in the ‘R’s or in the ‘T’s? I organize my collection by director and year of release.

For those who’ve never been, this sorta reminds me of New York City, but like you’re going to run into another girl who may be equally as hot or hotter like 5 minutes later or at least a couple of blocks later or on the train. Also, they don’t look as against the law as they do in California.

MTV’s “Human Giant” is pretty funny and all, but has anybody else notice that it seems as if Paul Scheer in every skit is wearing a hat of some type. Why can’t he be bald?

The Movement Moves On...

2007-04-10T10:40:00.000-07:00

The Sanjaya Malakar movement has to be bigger than the Dip Set movement. Well, at least, the cool kids aren't as into Dip Set as they were last year. Apparently, nobody is into ballin' like Spalding and Rawlings unless it's Weezy F Baby talkin' about it. So, don't forget to vote for Sanjaya cause maybe there'll be some more close ups of his sister.

Pastel Assassins

2007-04-09T08:59:00.000-07:00

I’ve been trying to find the right words to describe my trip to NYC & Brooklyn, but I’m not sure if words could do it justice. Clearly, my initial reaction was that the city is a just wee bit better than Southern California. Bars and clubs close at 4 in the morning in the city where as out here in California, it’s a wrap at 2 in the morning. A lot, a lot can happen and often does happen in those two extra hours. They have this bizzaro thing in the city called the subway and people travel in tubes under the ground from place to place using this thing called a metro card; the late, great Le Tigre wrote a song about it. So take the information about bars being open until 4 and that these subways thing run all night long, you pretty much got the picture of how I spent my nights. Drinking over priced Japanese beer at the Hiro Ballroom and dancing until 3 in the morning, then walking a couple of blocks to catch the L back to Brooklyn and sleeping until two o’clock in the afternoon. Repeating the process the following night, but going to Studio B, drinking moderately priced Red Stripes and dancing until 2:30 in the morning because of the deadly line up known as Mad Decent Records. Bonde Do Role is probably one of the best bands to see live and Diplo, the dude can get a club moving like nobody’s business. The dude had this amazing remix of “Young Folks” and then he played a DJ Funk remix of Justice; in other words, my mind was blown wide open.

Speaking of DJ Funk, his remix of Justice should be theme song for the city. David Cross was right about New York City. It’s either you see the most beautiful woman or the craziest guy in the world. I was down in the village, getting off the subway with Robin Brown and we spot a model. Now, we had an extremely rough decision, do we follow the model around like a bunch of creeps or grab a couple of slices from the nearest pizza place? Hungry beat being creepy, but as we’re walking to get some slices, I see this crazy old guy who happens to have his hand digging through the fly of his pant. In other words, it looked as if he was yakking off. There are just good looking people all over the place in the city. Standing near a model on the train or walking behind an aspiring model talking to an agent as I was fighting way back to Union Square.

The bars are open late, the women are incredible, there are like American Apparel stores every ten feet, bootleg movies all over the place, the pizza is great, amazing tacos can be found at La Esquina (Carne Enchilada is perhaps the number one reason why I’d want to move to the city), MoMA, Trixie Teen/Gods Girls sightings, Vitamin Water available on every corner; especially Formula 50! It’s an amazing place and everybody just go there and hang out for a while. Take goofy photos and eat great food with friends.

The only downside of the city or at least what appeared to be a downside was the lack of cool spots to pick up DVDs and CDs. In other words, where were the Amoebas of the city? I have really terrible taste in movies; perhaps the worst in the history of the world, so I need to know if there’s a place where I could pick up an import copy of Mudhoney and a used Neil Young CD. There’s that and the A Train to Far Rockaway and cabbies.

My only regret was that I didn’t get to have a real sausage & peppers sandwich. And not hanging out with the Thigh Master.

Also, it should be noted that it was really, really, really, really awesome walking around Brooklyn listening to Biggie and EL-P. Another regret was that I listened to Nas’ “NY State of Mind” on my train to the clearport.

Also, as soon as I got back to the breast coast, I got extremely sick and lost a bunch of weight. Awesome! Tummies full of acid and sickly breads! Bad coughs and numb left arms!

Justin Timberlake kinda ruins “Give It To Me.” Sorry, Charlie. Although some may say that Timbaland ruins his own solo album.

Anybody have a clue as to when Rilo Kiley is going to release a new album? Its been far too long and these side projects don’t do the thing for me.

Anybody else beside me already pre order The Films of Alejandro Jodorowsky Box Set yet? El Topo & Holy Mountain finally on DVD in May, how crazy is that? It should be noted that if you go out and pick up El Topo strictly based on my recommendation and hate it, don’t blame me. Its clearly been stated that I have terrible tastes in movies.

With that said though and not with much surprised, I liked Grindhouse quite a bit. The faux trailer for Thanksgiving is and will be the best thing that Eli Roth ever does in his career. Planet Terror is the best film that Robert Rodriguez has made thus far; it’s John Carpenter esque, there’s a bits and pieces from Street Trash in there; there’s a Re Animator esque sense of humor to it. In other words, it’s a lot of fun. Werewolf Women of the S.S. needs to be made because I don’t want to hate on Rob Zombie for remaking John Carpenter’s Halloween. Don’t is probably my new favorite film never made. And then there was Death Proof, which takes about two viewings to fully appreciate. The first twenty minutes or so of Death Proof honestly plays out like an extra special episode of “Sex & The City.” Lot of girls talking about girly stuff and frequent close ups of feet, but then Kurt Russell comes into the mix and the film gets interesting and never stops being interesting and fun and great. The only problem with the whole double feature aspect of Grindhouse was that the films were shown in the wrong order. Death Proof should’ve been shown first to work the audience into the vibe of the thing as opposed to being dropped right into the thick of it with Planet Terror.

My favorite new way to kill time: Dos & Don’ts & Friends.

Anybody else getting burnt out on Seth Rogen? There's a lot of stuff in the pipeline, but I dunno.

Barely Alive

2007-04-04T12:50:00.000-07:00

Back from Brooklyn, but I got sick somewhere between taking from JFK and landing in LBC and I haven't been able to hang out with the Google Master at all this week.

Also, I have trouble walking these days. I learned that I have bone spur/bone chip thing in my right foot that can't be removed or something like that. Perhaps if I was a kid on "Two A Days," I could get it removed, but I am who I am.

The city is rad. Everybody should go there and probably live there. I want to go back, but I figure if I tell everybody else to live there, maybe, just maybe, the 101 would be a breezy drive on a Saturday afternoon.

No Sleep Till Brooklyn

2007-03-26T12:05:00.000-07:00

I love the song "We Taking Over" like a lot, but I wish this was the real video for the song and not some lamey video with guys rapping by pools and in rented cars.

Watch out cool kids, I'm totally going to ruin your scene when I visit Williamsburg this week. Maybe I'll start a fight and call some guys mooks cause they don't have "We Taking Over" in their jukebox or record crates or they belive that I'm a UCLA guy cause my new hoodie happens to be the same colors as UCLA; although it gave me the idea to cruise down to Westwood and holler at UCLA girls.

The only problem about flying that I have is that I don't really have anybody to call in case I get a panic attack right before the flight. Like I'd call people, but you know, I just figure that they're busy or something. It takes a lot of work to calm me down.

Love 'Em Up aka And I was like, Hey, What's Up with That?

2007-03-21T08:22:00.000-07:00

What’s up with Rachel Bilson having blonde hair? Why not watch this to find out?

What’s up with Redheads lately? Not necessarily actual redheads, but those who choose to go ginger of their own accord. Its not too red, but it’s just the right amount.

What’s up with the Wachowski Brothers' Speed Racer already starting to suck? Emile Hirsch as Speed? Come on! Emile Hirsch has never been in a movie that anybody liked.

What’s up with the filmmakers behind the brilliant Half Nelson taking so long to make a new movie?

What’s up with that vindictive person that never wants David O. Russell to work again? The whole The H-Man Cometh fiasco probably put a nail in his major studio career, but these clips have not only put the rest of the nails in the coffin, they put about six feet of dirt on his career. Sure, it’s got the intranets and assistants goin’ nuts, but it’s in an extremely negative light. You know, whose going to want to work with a dude that called Lilly Tomlin the sea ward? But at the same time, it’s a total bummer cause David O Russell has/had the potential to be a great American voice.

What’s up with Sanjaya’s brilliant performance on “American Idol” last night? Granted I didn’t watch the whole thing, but that ten seconds I saw, had me on the floor, on the verge of peeing my pants. We need this right now. “The Office” is in reruns for a while. “30 Rock” won’t be on for a month or two and who knows when “The Sarah Silverman Program” is coming back? So we need something funny in our daily lives. One of the few things I’ve learned in my stress management class is that laughing is good for you; it reduces stress and helps people relax. Sanjaya is that comedic bright spot in a comedic wasteland right now. I have hope that “Andy Baker P.I.” might get funnier, but right now, it’s a smarter investment to get on the Sanjaya trolley.

What’s up with Coconut Records’ new album, “Nighttiming” being available for purchase on iTunes already? It’s a fun album, but at the same time, it feels as if I’m ease dropping on Jason Schwartzman and Zooey Deschanel’s hang sessions sometimes.

What’s up with the show, “Paradise City” still? I watched an episode twice to try and understand it, but I think I left even more confused than before. There are these girls who want to sleep with these guys, but apparently these guys don’t want to sleep with these girls or they’re just going a really roundabout way in order to sleep with said girls.

What’s up with The Altered States of Juggsachuetts? If it was easier to spell and if everybody didn’t have this one already bookmarked it, I’d probably start writing over there. Maybe in a couple of months. Also, please feel free to use the term, “Juggachuetts” and “Juggsaschuetts” in conversation; its kind of self explanatory.

What’s up with the gay best friend at the bar? Is there a better slang term for the dude other than the Gay BFF? I know that there’s the other term for the woman who hangs out with gay guys, but you know, where’s the flip term? I’m not too clever to come up with the term.

What’s up with everybody with a camera making a video of themselves dancing to Peaches’ “Fuck the Pain Away”? Is it some sorta hipster right of passage?

What’s up with A Gun Called Tension? Remember them? New album out in June.

What’s up with that feeling of being out of it because I don’t listen to Modest Mouse? I don’t get it, but you know, I like Young Jeezy from time to time and people don’t understand that.

What’s up with what’s up lists?

What's up with people who may be named after popular songs and their offended faces when you say, "like the song?"

What’s up with Hostel part 2 looking like a better film than Hostel for about thirty seconds, then turning into a shit sandwich a couple of seconds later.

What’s up with Stickball and bumming out cause I’m not jamming out to the Misfits?

What's up with New York and what's cool there to do? I was planning on just hanging around 30 Rock, hoping I could run into Tina Fey and take an awkward photo with her and put it on flickr.

What’s up with everybody telling me that these clubs and bars like Cinespace and Banana Split at LAX not being so great? Those photos make it seem like it wouldn’t that be that great to begin with.

What’s up with The Search for the next Pussycat Doll finally getting rid of that unattractive blonde with the forehead? Also, what’s up with Jonathan “Bangin’ Hair” Antin finally making his cameo appearance on the show? It took him like five minutes before he name dropped the fact that his sister invented the PCD on his reality show.

What’s up with me referring to the Pussycat Dolls as PCD, let alone supporting a show that will eventually lead to the cancellation of one of my favorite shows, “Veronica Mars”?

What’s up with Look Daggers?

What’s up with street construction in L.A. where nothing gets done to improve the roads?

What’s up with all the love of Amy Winehouse still? Yeah, she has a good voice, but I don’t get it. Once again, different strokes for different folks.

What’s up with Timbaland working with She Wants Revenge & the Hives on his album? Don’t you think that he could get better bands to work with him on his big solo album? The dude knows Bjork; don’t you think that she could’ve been like, "psst, check out Lightning Bolt and Jenny Lewis"?

That Wonder Showzen Flow

2007-03-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

While we may not be nuts over about the other two tunes, it’s still rather exciting that Jason Schwartzman is making music again. His Coconut Records tune, “West Coast,” has quickly become the theme song for my return flight to LBC from NYC on April Fool’s Day. It’s a grand assumption, but I think it’ll be safe to say that. The rest of the tunes sound like old Phantom Planet, which might be a good thing, depending upon your musical tastes. I just interested in seeing the dude play drums live again. Say what you will, but Phantom Planet concerts when Schwartzman was in the band had to have been some of my favorite concerts of all time.

David Gordon Green got another movie stitched up. Bummer part about it is that it’s an adaptation of John Grisham book. Never the less, David Gordon Green continues to make movies and this is a very good thing. It’s one thing to support your local scene, it’s another thing to support great filmmakers.

Does anybody else think its weird that on Heidi from “The Hills” MySpace profile about her music doesn’t feature her singing at all? There’s some crummy guy rapping, but other wise than that, it’s nothing.

Lately, I’ve been having that burning ears feeling. I remember all the way back to the very first Garry Shandling show and there was a moment on the show where he turned the camera and talked about his ear being on fire and that feeling of somebody talking about you. Then smoke started to come out of his ears. I’ve been having that feeling a lot lately. I’ve been assuming that it’s been a negative as of late; perhaps I’ve been listening to too much DJ Drama and just assume Feds are takin’ pictures.

Speaking of DJ Drama, not really, but somewhat related, anybody else the Lil’ Wayne “Top Back” freestyle? I honestly think that the dude has lost his mind and is on the verge of making a mainstream rap album that’ll sound more like the last Mars Volta album.

That new Dntel album is pretty good, too. In particular the song with Jenny Lewis. She’s no Sanjaya, but she’s still pretty cool. How come none of these hipster rags have gotten her to do an advice column type of deal? She has to give great advice and just imagine all the problems she could solve. From telling you which Willie Nelson album to start with to telling you on how to make the right move on that red headed co worker at the office. Savin’ lives and savin’ record shopping time.

You guys know your duty, right? Go out and vote for Sanjaya on “American Idol” and pick up both LCD Soundsystem’s “Sounds of Silver” & EL-P’s “I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead” (You can finally have a copy that doesn’t belong to Matthew Snyder (wonder if he’s related to 300 director Zack Snyder?) and seriously consider picking up the new Ted Leo album. I know he’s flying under the radar, but it’s a real protest album.

The only question that remains about the EL-P album is what happened to the jam with Tunde of TV on The Radio on it? I remember he was supposed to be on the last Prefuse album, but his song ended up on the b sides ep.

Crash Bang

2007-03-19T08:22:00.000-07:00

I can’t even believe that I’m about to say the following, but I honestly forgot that LCD Soundsystem, one of my favorite bands, if not, my favorite band has an album coming out this week. I know there’s a new album. I remember listening to it at the end of December; too many late night drive homes ended with “New York, I Love You” on repeat. I remember really digging the album, a lot and making sure friends had working copies of it before they went on long road trips. Yet, now the week of the album’s release, I have to see a review in the L.A. Times to remind of its impending release. How out of the game am I or was the album leaked just too early? While I’m making an effort to keep up the blog more often, I still manage to miss a lot of things that are happening with the cool kids. It’s rather difficult to keep up, but I still can’t believe that such a solid album has managed to slip through my hands. Yet on the other end of the spectrum and using the theory that a leaked album serves as a teaser or trailer for the actual album, the album was just leaked too early on. I know that the band or record companies or management have no control over that, it’s just some music writer who wants to share a copy with his/her buddy. Still, “Sounds of Silver” never had the chance to whip the audience into a frenzy about what’s going to be like. I think they press released something about the new album, then like a week or two, it was on line.

I don’t believe that the hype surrounding the new album could have reached a “Neon Bible” like frenzy, but you know, it could’ve gotten to the levels of hype and excitement after “Yeah” came out. Not to mention that one other fairly high profile release that has been four years in the making finally comes out as well; in case you haven’t been paying attention, since I don’t know when, but new EL-P this Tuesday.

It’s one thing for Criterion to release Lindsay Anderson’s If… as well as Billy Wilder’s long missing Ace in the Hole, but it’s another thing for them to not only release WR: Mysteries of the Organism AND Sweet Movie. Sure, I haven’t seen either film, but I’ve read bits and pieces of Film as a Subversive Art and know that WR: Mysteries of the Organism demands to be seen. Also, Sweet Movie, according to the few people I’ve known to have seen it, are just left completely and utterly disturbed by the film. Now that there’s a release date for these DVDs, when is there going to be one for the releases of El Topo & Holy Mountain? Then again, one should quit while they’re ahead because there’s a bunch of movies that are criminally unavailable on DVD.

It’s hard to explain, but I’ve been having difficulty talking with people lately. I’ll make a reference from the Stern show in conversation with friends, but I always seem to forget that a)my friends don’t have satellite and secondly, they don’t like Stern. I should’ve known that my liberal use of the term, “PJ Pants” the other day would not have gotten any laughs. Sure, “PJ Pants” is funny onto self, but you know, its funnier if you know who said it and within the context. More people need to get Sirius just in order to make my social skills improve. People I work with have it, but you know, I’d feel weird talking to them about it. You know when the boss calls in and you can hear Robin’s news in the background; it’d just be weird to ask him what Robin song they played before the news? Was it “Robin’s Got a Squeezebox” or the Chubby Checker parody? At the same time, it’d just really cool if I could in passing, jokingly say, “Ahh, droppin’ loads,” and hear a chuckle.

Well, saying something like that might get a laugh just in general, but still, it’d only make things sweeter though if it was a Stern laughing at the joke.

During St. Pat’s Day, I was totally in the mood to watch The Departed but didn’t though. Could that become a tradition? People watching The Departed in addition to do over doing on the Guinness? Maybe, I just want people to embrace the film more as their go to Irish thugs movie instead of that dreadful Boondock Saints.

Probably all of the stuff he did with Cream was probably pretty killer, but I defy you to find a better piece of music by Eric Clapton than the second movement/part of “Layla”. When that piano kicks in and Clapton shuts up, it’s breath taking. Many a drive has been spent listening to that piece over and over again.

I figure any time is a good time to make a reference to the most recent episode of “Heroes”. The show finally gets interesting and it’s off the air until like basically Coachella happens. So we have to deal with our eager emotions of wanting to see what happens next to that wiener kid and if Amy Winehouse’s hair will melt in the Indio heat. I’m not sure if I could handle this; well, I think I could pass up on watching Amy Winehouse at Coachella unless she’s on in a tent before like EL-P and I might hang out in the back and take a disco nap. This is getting off topic, but it’s just like “Heroes” to get marginally interesting and watchable, to cop out and go on hiatus to only start to suck again. I don’t have super powers to remember that the show was getting interesting. Although, I totally zoned out during that Malcolm McDowell monologue, but the Syler was about to knock off that Conor Obsert guy and there was another evil, sexy teen girl on the show. Ever notice that the young, fairly hot girls on “Heroes” are always bad? They have a little sex appeal and they’re instantly Satan’s cheerleader.

Speaking of TV, can anybody actually explain what the show “Paradise City is about? My inability to understand the show isn’t similar to my inability to understand a show like say, “Engaged & Underage.” I honestly don’t understand it. There’s a hot brunette who wants to get some guy and she has a voice over, but I think there’s a blonde whose starting an on line magazine and she’s fighting with some weird looking lady who wears too much make up and lip gloss and think the both of them do a narration thing, too. Then there’s a himbo, who says he’s in a band and he also has a voice over. I just don’t understand it and there’s all this talk about how Vegas is the new heart of the entertainment industry or something. I just don’t understand it and the brunette always talks about being bunny, but she’s always wearing clothes and then they’re always at the Palms. I just don’t get understand it.

No wonder I slept on the LCD Soundsystem album, I can barely understand knock off reality TV.

Walking like a Spiv

2007-03-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

Now, I usually don’t this, but I’m gonna go ahead and break you off with a clip show. I know should’ve posted the clip for R. Kelly’s “I’m a Flirt” remix, but I just like “Ignition” a little more.

I know that its out of order, but the 2nd episode of “28 Days Slater” is probably my favorite.

Like the first half of this video is amazing, but the rest of it is pretty boring.

I miss the days of A Tribe Called Quest or at least I should’ve thrown them on my iPod before I left the other day.

Fabrice Fabrice made fun of Robin Brown for talking on the phone during a show at the UCB Theater last week. It was both hilarious and embarrassing.

Speaking of Robin Brown, nothing quite like this classic.

Numberwang!

I was walking down the stairs in the parking structure at work the other day and I started to sing this song out loud and did a little dance number down the steps. Basically, the height of unprofessionalism.

I love Clark & Michael, but I defy you to watch the whole thing.

Can anybody explain to me why this isn’t on DVD yet?

This song saved my life a few days ago. I was stuck on the 5 for like two and half hours; I went like five or six miles during that time frame and hearing Bus Driver happily sing, “I don’t need this” just make things so better.

So, the cops caught up with that little person again, but I’ll be honest with you, even I haven’t watched it yet.

While Anchor Bay entertainment will be releasing new editions of Phantasm and Phantasm 3 in April, sadly, no signs of Phantasm 2, but you can youtube it in ten minute segments.

What A Shame...

2007-03-13T08:10:00.000-07:00

Perhaps, I'll get a hit put upon by the likes of Eric the Midget, but it must said, there is only one Snake Plissken and that's Kurt Russell. Sure, Gerard Butler was cool as all get out in 300, but the dude can't hang in a remake. Kurt Russell is Snake Plissken and Snake Plissken is Kurt Russell. Sure, the performance is basically Kurt Russell doing a Clint Eastwood impression, but damn it, you just can't remake it.

Neil Young at Massey Hall is out today. Best Buy run after work, dudes.

And to all the women out there, I'm still sorry. Inside matter that I want to say that only two people may get, but still, women, I apologize. It's almost as bad as the Robin Brown/Fabrice Fabrice incident.

Things We Lost in the Fire part 3

2007-03-12T08:22:00.000-07:00

It’s a weird time for movies right now because what should normally be a cinematic dumping ground for crap films has surprisingly turned out to be a great month or at least amazing two weeks of films. First, there was David Fincher’s masterful Zodiac and this past weekend saw the release of Zack Snyder’s 300 and the state side release of the Korean epic The Host and these two films are also great and demand to be seen the largest audience possible. Well, I think with 300 everybody and their kid sister have seen it, but you know, there’s three great films out there for our consumption and quite frankly, we, the public need to watch these films. Not because they’re all great and these works demand to be seen on a large screen, but so we can get more films from quality filmmakers. You can’t complain about movies like Wild Hogs unless you go out and support movies like Zodiac and The Host.

300 isn’t a perfect film by stretch of the imagination, but when the film gets down to the meat of it, it’s a work of art. It’s a marriage between Terrence Malick poetic sensibilities and Fincher esque technical mastery. It’s violent and bloody, but at the same style, there’s a certain beauty to it. I actually have faith in Snyder as a director now and perhaps owe him a re-watching of his Dawn of the Dead remake. Snyder creates a beautiful world and the fight sequences need to be watched over and over again. Yet for as great as the film is, 300 hits its stumbling blocks in the dialogue heavy scenes back at Sparta. Granted the biggest audience reaction at the screening I was at occurred during one of the political scenes, but come on, that dialogue was awful. I’m just wondering how many high school footballers are going to be into this film? I didn’t see the film as a overtly political film as some critics are calling it. To me, 300 in a weird way was a sports movie. It’s a film about the underdog who never gives up and that’s the stuff that high school football coaches love to talk about.

The Host, on the other hand, is probably the best monster movie since John Carpenter’s The Thing. It’s tense, funny, political, and I actually cared about what happened to the characters by the film’s end. Much like every film, the little you know about it, the better you’re off. Let’s just hope that the intranet hype machine doesn’t go into over drive on this film, but it’s a really special film that should be seen for the American remake, which will not work at all.

I finally figured out how to survive the L.A. bar scene the other night. Just drink until you forget that feeling of you walked into a party where you don’t belong and just pray that the DJ plays “Mother”. There’s no greater equalizer than coming together to sing the chorus of a Danzig tune then jamming together to the Ramones. The only thing that I’m wondering about the L.A. bar scene is how does get to be the fill in/replacement photographer for The Cobra Snake while he’s out of town. I know that basically any body could take those photos, but I think I could do a bang up job on the matter. Or I’ll just have to start up my site or something. I just don’t want all the effort of having to create an interesting web site and stuff.

Hapy belated birthday to Thighs Wide Shut. Gotta remember to holler at the dude while back east in a couple of weeks.

I’m not sure what exactly is happening to me, but I’m definitely skipping lately. I was watching TV with a friend the other night and this Gap ad came on and I recognize Patrick Wilson before the girl. It was so bad that my friend had to tell me that it Claire Danes was the girl in the commercial. The Prom King, I can remember from a wide shot, but Angela Chase, I need help with. And even a few weeks ago, I explained a “My So Called Life” joke to somebody. I’m slippin’ off my rocker. Perhaps, I should just drive in my car with the windows down jammin’ out to “Deep Cover”.

Best Snoop & Dr. Dre collaboration: “Nuthin’ but a ‘G’ Thang” or “Deep Cover” or “Dre Day”? Discuss…

I sincerely believe that Rosario Dawson should either do a remix and or cover of Mims’ “Why I’m Hot”. The remix with Junior Reid is pretty killer though and the same goes for “Throw Some Ds” remix. Why knew that Andre3000 could still rap? I just feel awful cause I’m singing along with Nelly and Murphy Lee.

I’d like American Apparel more if I could A) find the stripped hoodie and secondly, directly link to model Genny’s photo set, but sadly, I can’t. So I can’t share anymore. It should be noted that I haven’t been to an American Apparel store in like three months. Gear shopping is just hassle onto its self these days. Perhaps it’ll be easier once those pesky H&Ms open up down in the Orange Curtain.

Anybody else believe that the Andrew "Dice" Clay reality show would be better if it was Dice Gottfried instead of the real guy? More funny that way.

The Hoofs

2007-03-08T09:43:00.000-08:00

She might be scary, but Haylie Duff has the right idea for her Spring Break (shark attack). Although can one really have a Spring Break if they are not in school? Questions and theories. That’s beside the point though, I think she has the right idea though, you know, go some place warm where as I’m going back east and presumable into the cold. Then again, it’s always or at least partially sunny in California, so maybe the cold will do me some good or something. It’s a reasonable excuse to wear a pea coat.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and it needs to be said, all of these media reports that blogs are trend makers and taste setters is complete and utter bullshit. If blogs really set the trends and shaped the tastes for America and the world at large then people would be into Laura Veers instead of Norah Jones or something like that. I’ve never listened to either. But I’m saying this because people are hopefully starting to realize that America isn’t a nation of people who’ll download or sincerely thinking about purchasing albums from the bands that blogs are into, America wants to fucking rock. America is a nation of people who feel more comfortable listening to Motley Crue’s “Looks That Kill” while at a Mail Boxes Etc as opposed to smooth and relaxing sounds of like Feist. And honestly, rock music helps because normally whenever I go into that particular Mail Boxes etc its pretty empty, but once they start to jam out to some Crue, the place is packed. And look at professional sports, that ever elusive rich white people audience that was front and center for the NBA in the 80s and mid 90s has disappeared cause you know the NBA is too hip hop nowadays. I’m not sure if there’s a particular rock song that’ll work well after D. Wade hits a jumper.

I’m just honestly waiting for the day when they start to teach the classics of rock to the children of America. Sure, I may have discovered it on my own, but I think we’re getting to the point where an album like “Master of Puppets” by Metallica should be taught right next to the classics of Jack London. They teach most of this classic works of literature so we can have smarty pants conversations at dinner parties and at college parties, but you know if the kids don’t know the classics of Metallica, how are they going to celebrate touchdowns?

I think that one glass of wine I had at dinner really got me while I was writing this.

I want to say that it was a couple of weeks back that I saw a clip on “Best Week Ever where this guy had a full fledge meltdown cause he was without his blackberry for like 40 hours or something and I thought about it for a minute. Could I go without a cell phone? Probably not because I use my phone as a watch. Then I thought about maybe no text messaging and that was just a stupid premise since most of the people I talk to on a daily basis, I text. And I can’t quit the phone cause I basically answer phones all day long. Then I thought I could probably quit the internet. No e-mail, no blogs, no boobs, no looking for leaked versions of the new Bjork album. So Thursday will be no internet, even if it gets really slow at work. I’ll just have to jam out with my busted iPod headphones to Aesop Rock’s “None Shall Pass” to get through the day.

Dudesville

2007-03-07T08:11:00.000-08:00

I think the following might be a point that Jeffrey Wells probably hit upon last week when he talked about Quentin Tarantino’s month long Grindhouse festival at the New Beverly Cinema, but it still bears repeating. The problem I have with Tarantino and his love for these films is that he does nothing to help a larger audience discover the films. It’s one thing to do a yearly thing in Austin, Texas where he says, “Okay,” and “All right” a lot during an introduction of some kung fu flick, but it’s another thing to actually create a DVD company to restore and release these films. And granted that these films definitely appeal to a select audience, but for the most part, its an audience whose willing to drop 40 bucks on a bad bootleg of some Italian Star Wars knock off at a comic book convention. This is an audience that owns multiple DVD players because one can PAL DVDs. So, there’s an audience whose willing to spend some money on things and quite frankly, it’s just easier to put these things on DVD.

Some will say that you have to watch these films with an audience, but that’s an extremely overrated statement because you know there could be some jerk off in the front row, quoting every line and ruining the whole experience. Then again, I’m a weirdo and frequently, I go to the movies to be myself, which is an oxymoron. Also, you know, people just don’t have the time to go down to Austin, Texas at the slight chance of maybe getting into the Almo Drafthouse or trying to find parking off of Beverly and maybe catch Pretty Maids All in A Row and watch it from an extremely uncomfortable seat while sitting next to a snoring homeless guy. I know it’s apart of the experience, but at the same time, it’d just as awesome and rad watching a film like the aforementioned Pretty Maids All in A Row at home. In other words, I just wish that Tarantino would actually do something about these films instead of just talking about them. The Weinsteins love him and why wouldn’t they want to fund something that could potentially make money for them?

I don’t know I guess it’s better than watching them on YouTube.

Does anybody know if DVD Planet, the physical location not the website, has sold out of Borat DVDs yet? I know I’m being presumptuous that the thing will sell out, but you know Napoleon Bonerpart sold out when it was first released, too. And of course, nobody bought the re release, but I’ll buy all the versions of Borat on DVD though. Gotta have all those bonus features.

You’ve probably heard the song, “Us Ones In Between” by Sunset Rubdown, right? It’s kind of like that. Not that this is anything sad, but you know, just whole good that song is.

I don’t watch much reality TV anymore. Sure, I’ll watch the occasional “My Super Sweet 16 Remix,” and from time to time, I will stop by “Top Design” from time to time to see what Kelly Wearstler is wearing, but by in large, it’s been reality TV free. Which in a way made the Pussycat Dolls show such a weird egg. At first, it’s a show about cute girls dancing in sweat pants. We met some cute little white washed Asian girl Melissa R and some other girls. It’s fun and it feels like an episode of “America’s Next Top Model” except Tyra Banks isn’t talking about herself every five minutes and the girls are actually short. Then out of nowhere, some girl starts to talk about how she has a kid, then the next girl starts to talk about how she hasn’t been able to sing since her whole family died. What a fucking bummer. How am I supposed to enjoy this show when some girl is going to break up her deceased family every couple of minutes or another girl talks about living out of her car? I thought TV was a form of escapist entertainment, even if it’s reality TV. Then the show gets back on track and becomes a show about girls wearing shorty shorts with funny boots, but then it takes a hard right and becomes weird again. It stops being about cute girls in weird shoes and cute girls bumming people out and it’s simply girls throwing up. These girls aren’t throwing up because of eating disorders or anything of that nature, but actually because they’re sick. Jeff The Vomit Guy [NSFW] must’ve been in heaven. And you know a thing like a virus quickly spreading (unlike that virus known as Opie & Antony) amongst reality tv people probably happens all the time, but it never gets shown. So, it was refreshing while at the same time being disgusting. So, I’m not sure but I think I’m gonna continue to watch the show. You know watch Melissa R and Sisley dance around.

The performances in Black Snake Moan were great, don’t get me wrong. Great acting and writer/director Craig Brewer works extremely well with actors. But my problem with the film or at least the two films by Brewer that I’ve seen is that music is too much of a crutch for the guy. I’m not sure if there’s a moment in the film where there’s a quiet moment. His films are largely about music, but you know, I would’ve liked to see a moment of calm before the storm, if you will. And I’m well aware of being hypocritical because I love a film like Goodfellas which has wall to wall music, but you know it has a solid story. And that’s another problem with Black Snake Moan, it just drags in the middle. It just stops after Jackson chains up Christina Ricci.

I like talking about how I won't or at least can't update, then the next day I update. It's kinda fun. I'm just hoping that maybe, just maybe nobody will read it and I just complain to myself after wards. I'd update more often if somebody could get me two tickets for the 7:30 IMAX screening of 300 on Friday in the Orange curtain. It's sold out and somebody cool is bummed about the matter.

Breastest of Intentions

2007-03-06T08:35:00.000-08:00

I was totally planning on doing a full week of updates. I swear, but quite frankly, I'm too busy jamming out to "Badlands," by Bruce, having 8 am Jenny Lewis sing a longs (sometimes we're really fucking on), geeking out over spring break (shark attack) plans, additionally geeking out on plans to watch 300 on IMAX, eating chicken parm sandwiches from victor's jr, telling people to watch walkabout and zodiac, analyzing the various movie references in "I'll sleep when you're dead" (so far, i've detected twin peaks: fire walk with me, a clockwork orange, blade runner and two anchorman references; missing anything? bear in mind, i've only listened to the thing two or three times and i have no film studies classes this semester), feeling creeped out by tom from myspace creeping out cory kennedy (and tom, it's okay if you delete my profile for saying that you're creepy), exercising and while exercising jamming out to bruce some more, quoting and doing nick manning impressions, still hilariously mispronucing peoples names, laughing at george takei screaming on the stern show, being stoked on whatever's on passion of the weiss and the tune, "tokyo, tokyo" by arrah and the ferns.

anybody else think that craig brewer can direct actors really well, but can't write a decent second act to save his life? black snake moan is solid through the first act and most of the second, but it just collaspes mid through and gets super boring.

Sling Beaners On Patrol

2007-03-01T08:54:00.000-08:00

I still know that it’s been a while and quite frankly, very few things make sense to me these days. “Pet Sounds” makes sense. “One Word Extinguisher” by Prefuse 73 makes sense. “Little Wing,” & “Don’t Let It Bring You Down” by Neil Young makes sense. (Dude, Neil Young at Massey Hall) That EL-P album makes sense. The Whatevs redesign & relaunch (we heart Uncle Grambo) makes sense. And oddly in the midst of everything not making any sense, “Tim and Eric: Awesome Show. Great Job” makes nowadays. Traveling makes sense. Hilariously mispronouncing peoples’ names makes sense. Talking about the Sarah Morrison with Robin Brown makes sense. Bus Driver always made sense or at least he did to me. Making lists makes sense. Fincher’s Zodiac makes sense; it’s great. Not a thriller for the masses, but a zippy art film about obsessed people shot wonderfully in HD. It’s hard to say if I liked it better than Fight Club or Se7en because Zodiac is a completely different animal. Se7en, in today’s movie savy world would be nothing more than a three episode arc leading to the season finale of “CSI: Miami,” and Fight Club was all style, technique and attitude where as Zodiac is also about style, but it’s mostly mood, atmosphere and characters. Support filmmakers who make films with a unique style and voice. “30 Rock” and “The Sarah Silverman Program” makes sense; is there any possible way that the viewing audience could get a straight shot of “The Office,” “30 Rock” and “Sarah Silverman”? It’d be the best 90 minutes of television ever.

I wish I could make a list of things that don’t make sense, but I’m not sure if the internet is big enough. Like an English language remake of The Lives of Others doesn’t make sense. Instead of remaking it, why not let the dude who directed the original do an English film? The film Dead Silence doesn’t make any sense, but the young people will be into it cause you know it’s scary. Emmanuel Lubezki not winning an Academy Award for Children of Men doesn’t make any sense at all; did the voters fail to see how groundbreaking his work was in comparison to that extremely over rated film that I’m too lazy to look up and spell correctly. Yeah, that film looked nice and it was warm in sequences, but dude, did they not see the scene that long take in the car? Probably my recent decision to eat small portions and to skip meals all together sometimes doesn’t make sense either, but you know, whatever. Its just hard for me to make sense of anything because I spent most of my time in a car or staring at the computer, hoping I could find something to write about. I just don’t want to say everything sucks. I mean it does, it really does. The world is falling apart. I’m falling apart. Well, that’s a bit over the top. Maybe a better term is I’m in need some of stiching. Just look at what’s happening with everything? Dick Cheney is nearly blown up, the stock market crashes, people are choosing to watch films like Ghost Rider and Norbit (well, I shouldn’t talk since I saw Norbit, but it was for a paper). What the fuck is going on? TV shows that used to be good now move like a small child dragging a stick through the mud.

At least If… is coming out on DVD

I wish I could say more about other things; not personal things, but work things. But I’ll say this to say that, most actresses in real life aren’t that impressive. Then again, we hold them to such a high standard. You know, they’re just normal people who wear too much foundation sometimes.

Oh, Matthew Snyder...

2007-02-28T14:00:00.000-08:00

Thanks a bunch for leaking the new EL-P album.

It's great, but I need to hear it on speakers with decent bass.

This Damn Needs to Burst!

2007-02-23T19:50:00.000-08:00

I bet you that David Cross is only hanging out with EL-P so he could get a copy of "I'll Sleep When You're Dead" before everybody else. I could care less about the new Modest Mouse or Arcade Fire or Air or whatever album has leaked so far this year. Why hasn't this album leaked yet? Shit, I may have to hang around Amoeba at midnight on a Monday night in order to get my crubby hands on this thing.

Quite frankly this e-card isn't doing the job anymore. Who needs a new Portishead album when you have "Poisenville Kids No Wins"? Holy Smokes.

Between the potential of this album and that Panda Bear album, March is going to be a great month of new music.

Cold Toes

2007-02-19T08:21:00.000-08:00

Can somebody please explain to me as to what happened to “Veronica Mars”? I understand that the show, this particular season is in a state of transition. It’s a new network and the producers are attempting to get a new audience. Yet the show has become so bad that I don’t even think the spill over audience from “Glimore Girls,” are going to be interested in the case of the dead basketball coach. The show isn’t really about the weekly mysteries anymore either, it’s become a weekly trade off of moping sessions either by Veronica Mars or Logan. Why can’t they just solve weird crimes instead of doing horrible impressions of Zach Braff or Ralph Fiennes in The Constant Gardener week after week? Do they do this mopey people thing a lot on shows like “One Tree Hill” and “Gilmore Girls”? I’ve never seen the show and attempting to figure out why anybody would want to do a show about mopey kids? Personally, I’ve been mopey lately and when I watch TV, I don’t watch people mope around as well. TV is supposed to be a form of escapism. I’m well aware that not TV can or has to be like Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue videos nor should it be, but for pete’s sake, it should be at least remotely entertaining. Yet I should’ve read the writing on the wall when I saw that Peez character. Perhaps the worst character to enter the world of Teen based dramas since Oliver on “The OC”. As much as I’d love to see another season of the show, I’m not sure if I could stomach another episode of this current season. They need to throw some ‘D’s on that bitch.

The same goes for “24” and “Lost”. I can’t explain it, but “Lost” honestly just bores me these days. I can’t work up the interest or excitement to care about that weird British guy or that doctor lady who breaks bread with the others. You know, I’d rather fall asleep during it than figuring it all out. I have no more questions about the island. It’s not that the show is bad in terms of acting, it’s just that the questions I have, have been answered so far. It’s not like “Heroes,” where the audience can look pass the awful acting and just focus in on getting the bigger picture. That Conor Obsert lookin’ dude is still one of the worst actors I’ve seen, but I’m beginning to tolerate his character because he’s going to blow up and hopefully die.

Sometimes I wish I was famous because I could’ve probably gotten the e-vite to the 50 Cent Vitamin Water Poker tournament. Not that I would want to play poker with the likes of Jason Mewes and Eva Longoria, but simply for the insane amount of free Formula 50 flavored Vitamin Water that must’ve been on hand. Cameron Giles can release whatever diss record about Curtis he wants, but nobody can deny that Formula 50 is a beyond tasty beverage. And it’s not fair that these so-called celebrities (I’m questioning Jamie Kennedy’s fame status) get to probably walk away from the event with a free case or dare I even imagine cases and cases of Vitamin Water. It’s not fair because you know these people are at a point in their life.

Emmanuel Lubezki wins an award for his ground breaking work on Children of Men. If you still have yet to watch Children of Men for some insane reason, you could watch it on DVD since its coming out on DVD at the end of March. I mean why would you do that to yourself; watching a visually stunning film on such a small screen, but you know, whatever, HD and all.

That Panda Bear album, "Person Pitch," is easily one of my favorite albums of the year; dare I even call it my second favorite album of the year thus far. I know that the year is only a few months old, but this album is great. Although nothing a like in sound and style, "Person Pitch" reminds me a lot of the Sunset Rubdown album.

There’s a part of me that wants this picture on a t-shirt with a wacky caption like, “Come Get Some!” But mostly, I just feel bad. Nobody’s mental breakdown should be played all over the news. It’s great material for some people, but you know, this isn’t real news. This shouldn’t be a major story on the 11 o’clock news. Let the girl have her breakdown in private, get some help and hopefully clean up and become a better parent.

So Wait...

2007-02-16T15:45:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I've been ignoring y'all lately. Please don't all get like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, but shit has been and will always be a hassle.

Any ways, was the whole Britney Spears is in rehab, no wait, she was in rehab for a day an attempt to get the career back on track as well as knock off Anna Nicole down a couple of stories on like TMZ? (BTW, who gave the people at TMZ my e-mail address? I get shit from them like every twenty minutes. I apperciate the e-mails when it's about Kim Kardashian sex tapes; but Anna Nicole's death, not so much).

Everybody is a mess and should just relax a bit more. Listen to that Panda Bear album all the kids are really into this week; it's like Brian Wilson met up with Lee Perry somewhere in New York and read the bible together.

Also, Worst Episode Ever of "The Office" last night and what the fuck happened on "Grey's"? Bold move by the showrunner, but really? Of all the cast members on the show that people would want to see written off they pick that one instead? Wow! "30 Rock" is still hi-larious!

Youth Hostels

2007-02-12T14:22:00.000-08:00

Why isn't the fact that North Korea reaching a potential deal to close down their nuclear weapons programs a bigger deal than Anna Nicole Smith's death? North Korea is just as crazy as Anna Nicole Smith was in her prime. If not, more so.

As I keep on telling myself, One of these days it'll all make sense.

Then again, people use Windows Vista, so I'm not sure if things will ever make sense again because some window will pop up, asking you if you actually want things to make sense and there'll be some long winded explanation that if things actually make sense, you may run the risk of getting a virus or something.

Beriut's music is awesome, but listening to it out of one head phone is awful.

Socks & Slippers

2007-02-07T09:29:00.000-08:00

Bullet points until my mind returns to normal.

Formula 50 Vitamin Water is perhaps the greatest 50 Cent has ever done. Way better than “In Da Club,” way better than his decision to give Young Buck his own label. It just tastes really good and most likely despite its name; it probably wasn’t good for me. I had two at lunch the other day and during the afternoon slump, I thought about taking a stroll and having a third one. It’s just grape flavored water, but it tastes really good.

You may have to click on the picture to see the bigger picture, but above is a story on that guy who kidnapped those teens in the Midwest. Any ways, I’m not sure how many of you remember the details about the dude who did the kidnappings; the dude worked in a pizza place. Now don’t you think its kind of poor taste for Papa John’s pizza to have an ad on a story about a pizza man who kidnapped teen boys who also maybe charged with sodomy? CNN’s website probably runs automatic ads without much thought or consideration, but come on, let’s think things out.

It kinda bums us out when Katharine McPhee hides her boobs and wears the same shade of lipstick as the Joker. Free the McPhee Two!

I accidentally saw a trailer/commercial for David Fincher’s new film Zodiac the other night. I had been purposely ducking trailers and commercials for the film because I wanted to watch the film cold. To me that seems like the best way to watch a movie because there’s no expectations. I’m there watching the film because I like past work by the people who made it; not because they played some cool music and had zippy after effects in the thing. Never the less, Zodiac looks good; real good.

Everybody should read "What Makes Sammy Run" and do it while they're listening to "Sun Showers" by Bus Driver.

I think I'm just doing bullet points so I can avoid watching "Heroes" and "Veronica Mars." Both shows are bumming me out. Each week at the end of "V.Mars," and to para phrase EL-P: I'm left there, scratching my head asking what just happened. I mean it's not as awful as some one attempting to interview Bam Margera, but for the gold star standard that has been established for the show, it's just really sad. I don't even want to watch it anymore because I just fear that Veronica Mars will be in the middle of some mystery about who give the vegan kids sloppy joes with real meat in them instead of solving the mystery of who blew the school bus. And for "Heroes," I'm not even sure if George Takei can keep me interested and I'm an individual who was watched nearly four hours of raw footage of George Takei for a term paper. The show is not even so bad it's good; it's so bad, it's really bad and I'm just left wondering why I spent so much time hooked into that show? There's only two shows worth watching: "The Office" and "30 Rock," everything else just kinda blows lately.

Does anybody else find hard to not listen to "Triumph" by Wu Tang when they're listening to music on shuffle on iTunes? You know if it starts to play a tune from "Wu Tang Forever" and it may be a good song, but you know, don't you feel so much better by listening to "Triumph" and geek out as you hear Ghostface say, "Yo, fuck that"?

Smash Time

2007-02-05T08:28:00.000-08:00

For the most part, I spent Super Bowl Sunday quoting lines from the Jo-Jo the Valet sketch from “Saturday Night Live.” I don’t believe the Jo-Jo sketch falls victim to my over hyping like the infamous “Nurse Nancy” sketch did/has. Amy Poehler is really funny as a creepy 90 lbs man and the sketch is just filled with catch phrases. Instead of yelling ‘Whoa!” or “Wooo,” I simply said instead, “I wanna juggle your boobs.” It has the same impact. I just hope that Jo-Jo the Valet becomes a reoccurring character because the world needs more jokes about smashing boobs together.

Also on Super Sunday, I learned that betting makes meaningless sporting events actually interesting. The Colts and the Bears or as I spent most of the day, wanting to call them, the Cubs mean absolutely nothing to me and a majority of the time, football puts me to sleep. Can’t explain, but you know I just can’t get myself worked up over watching a guy run a couple of yards, fall down, then repeat with a sprinkle of time outs in the last couple of minutes thrown in to make things even more drawn out than it has to be. Yet when one has money or at least involved in a pool and bought many squares in said pool, then the Super Bowl is enjoyable. Cause the commercials aren’t as great as they used to be, so no one can watch it simply for the commercials. Gambling just makes it better and then after you’ve won the grand prize at the end of the game, it makes it even sweeter to shout, “I wanna juggle your boobs” in victory. I’m not sure if I’m ready to go out to Vegas and drop a gem at the sports book, but next time around Super Bowl time, bring on the pools. Of course, naturally, I’ll lose the second time around.

Perhaps the closet thing to an American DVD release, Lindsay Anderson’s If…. can be found on You Tube. Sadly the same can’t be said for Lindsay Anderson’s follow up film O Lucky Man!. So if you know anybody that works for Criterion or works in the home video department of either studio that holds these films North American distribution rights, you know, tell ‘em to get on the trolley and put out some DVDs for smelly nerds to geek out about.

For those who missed and quite frankly, you should feel bad about missing out on it, but never the less, the Bus Driver show at Amoeba was rather good. He did all the hits and then some. The thing about his album, “Roadkillovercoat,” which is in stores now, I dig it and all, but the thing sounds so much better while driving around. It was a duh-duh moment as I realized that a six speaker sound system is superior to a pair of headphones or lame computer speakers. I can’t speak for others, but I just think I’m doing music a giant disservice lately by listening to most of it while hearing headphones. So my apologies to Nobody & Boom Bip for sleeping on how good your production on Bus Driver’s album was.

How come nobody told me that the band, Deerhoof is like a less interesting version of Blonde Redhead? I thought that they were something special cause you know critics pee their pants all the time, but you know, they just sound like that part in Spinal Tap when Spinal Tap is performing at the amusement park.

The Real Van Halen is back this summer! Dude, I hope they do “Panama” cause that’s the only reason why to go. Other than going to drink beer in the parking lot, watching cougars dust off their leather mini skirts from the 80s, jumping when David Lee says “Might as Well Jump,” playing air guitar during “Panama” and/or “You Really Got Me,” and hopefully high five-ing every dude with a backwards hat on when some girl flashes on the jumbotron. Would be asking too much if Eddie’s son to use Michael Anthony’s legendary Jack Daniels bass on the tour? Some of us were probably too young the first time around to catch the band in the prime and missed the glory known as the Jack Daniels bass during “Everybody Wants Some!!” The Van Halen reunion tour to me is the only interesting reunion tour because there’s a part of me that wants to believe Van Halen isn’t going to charge a 100 bucks for a seat where as Sting and the Police will probably charge that much for the nose bleed seats and those dudes didn’t record “Jamie’s Cryin’” either.

The song may say that nobody walks in L.A., but if you’re running late to a function and need to make a right turn, of course you’re run into (not literally though or maybe I don’t know how bad of a driver you are) somebody walking. The chorus should’ve been about how people walk real slowly in L.A. I understand why they walk slowly because people drive like maniacs and they want to be seen by oncoming traffic. You know, safety first, but at the same time, it’s so frustrating as you sit in your car waiting to make a right turn onto Santa Monica and traffic is clear, but you can’t go cause there’s some kids in tight pants drinking Starbucks just strolling through the crosswalk as if they were walking on the beach. They may not have anywhere particular to be, so why should it matter to them if you get anywhere on time?

2007-02-02T09:37:00.000-08:00

Can anybody explain why Mean Suvari is trying to steal Lily Allen’s’s look? I know that the scripts and offers aren’t coming in as they used, but that’s still no excuse for dressing up like some young British girl to generate buzz.

Better Later than Never: The Ten Best Films of 2006

2007-02-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

1. Children of Men

2. Little Miss Sunshine

3. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

4. Little Children

5. 3/4ths of Babel (yeah, I'm a snob)

6. Lady Vengeance (even though it was released in Korea in 2005)

7. Monster House

8. Bubble

9. Deliver Us from Evil

10. Half Nelson

Honorable Mentions: Idiocracy, Volver & Jackass: Number 2

Ignignokt

2007-02-01T08:07:00.000-08:00

I feel bad because I haven’t been able to update as much as I’d want this week. Too many crazy and weird things have been happening over the last couple of days. These two look like the way I feel or at least have the potential to embody what exactly is going on. Havin’ fun, but at the same time, a lil’ sketched out and this video is the new theme song. Well, take it back, that was theme song for Wednesday, this was a theme song for a rainy Tuesday, but that’s beside the point.

If anything, I’m writing only to serve as a reminder to everybody else. First and foremost, especially for those who are L.A. adjacent, Bus Driver is doing a free show at Amoeba. Maybe there’ll be some Cory Klonnedys and Bus Driver will do his smash hit, “The Troglodyte Wins” and the aforementioned Klonnedys might dance in the aisles. Also, one could pick up that Deerhunter album cause apparently, they’re now everybody’s favorite band. Although, I liked what I heard on their myspace page.

And secondly, “The Sarah Silverman Program” starts on Comedy Central. Sarah Silverman is brilliant and let’s face facts, anything is bound to better the Naked Trucker & T-Bones show.

I know that Coachella is nearly three months away, but it’s better early than never to bring up a potential issue/problem. I don’t know how many of y’all are going; maybe you’re too cool for regular school, but cool enough for cosmetology school and going to Bonnaroo to see My Morning Jacket play for 13 straight hours, but never the less, I’m going on Saturday. The day that both LCD Soundsystem and Ghostface are playing. James Murphy and Tony Stark will be hanging out together, talking about Nietzsche and various other things. This pairing must’ve been made with the skeet on… empire in mind, but I have to, just have to worry that the individuals who make the schedules will naturally put the two artists on at the same time as each other. I’m not sure if I could be able to make a choice like Sophie’s and choose between the cold dead eyes of LCD Soundsystem’s Nancy Whang as she sings the chorus to “North American Scum,” or “Block Rock” by Ghostface. How does one make a decision like that? Any other band against those two and it would be a no brainer. LCD or Blonde Redhead: LCD, I saw Blonde Redhead once and they blew my mind; “Melody” live gave me chills, but I don’t believe that if I saw them again, it’d be that good. Rapture VS Ghostface: Ghost all the way. These are extremely easy decisions to make, but I just hope that they go, “hey, let’s not put Ghost on at noon; maybe like 3 and maybe like LCD on 5:30, so rap nerds have a chance to catch what they like.

What wrongs have we done as a society that a show like “Maui Fever” is considered a form of entertainment?

Neon T.P.

2007-01-30T08:52:00.000-08:00

I’ve been meaning to write about how quickly my opinion has changed for, and now subsequent love for the song, “Intervention,” by the Arcade Fire, but I think something my friend, Mark told me does a better job. He said: “Yeah, my car was broken into last night and that song has made me less angry.” From what I’ve listened to of the new album and for the most part, it sounds exactly like the last album, but never the less, it’s that powerful of an album. So, just imagine how much better the world will be when a much nicer sounding version of the album gets out to the world. It’ll save the cheerleader, the world, cure adhd, convert all TV signals into HD signals, convince Ryan Reynolds to quit acting in movies, make Jay Leno will stop rocking the denim on denim look, Oscar voters won’t vote for Jennifer Hudson, somebody will create a time machine, help Issaih Washington & T.R. Knight squash their beef, Perez Hilton will take down his website, it’ll turn coke into pepsi, it’ll remove the voice of that guy who ruined that line for me when he said it during a scene in directing class, the 405 will add a sixth and seventh lane, Californians won’t freak out when it starts to rain, Debbie Matenpolous will walk off a cliff because this album is so good.

The only other thing I have to say is please fall in love with Clark & Michael. The world will be a better place.

Glory Hole

2007-01-29T08:00:00.000-08:00

The dude may not be the flashiest DJ or turntablist, if you will, but you have to admit that Portishead producer/programmer/DJ Geoff Barrow took their music to the next level. Of course, people mostly remember Beth Gibbons’ voice and rightly so, her voice is heart breaking. But let us not forget the occasional scratch by Barrow. He’s not as flashy as DJ Q-Bert or other dudes, but it’s his subtle technique and style that puts the music into that dark, icy region. Every couple of years there seems to be a rumor that comes around about Portishead making a new album, but my thing is that they shouldn’t release another album because it will be an insane let down. The first two albums absolutely sound timeless, but you know with new technology and people getting older, I’m not sure that they could return to that classic sound. Remember “100th Window” by Massive Attack? Or perhaps I’m in the minority of people who didn’t dig that album at all.

Anybody else get weirded out while watching the Lakers/Spurs game on Sunday afternoon when they saw Blake from Rilo Kiley sitting courtside with Tobey Maguire? It shouldn’t be weird, but it was. The guy who sings back up on “Pictures of Success” is hanging out with Spider Man creating some new postmodern Jack Nicholson/Lou Addler connection.

Is it surprising that I was fairly disappointed by Smokin’ Aces? I don’t know why, but I had high hopes for the film. I don’t really like big, dumb, loud action movies, but Smokin’ Aces looked as if it had took some style notes out of the pages of Michael Bay and Tony Scott and transplanted into a Taraninto knock off script that some intern tossed away 12 years ago and for the most part, that’s what Smokin’ Aces is. Writer/director Joe Carnahan basically stretched out the last ten minutes or so of True Romance and removed everything that made True Romance such a great film in the first place and replaced them with Guy Ritchie style points. The film wants to be an action comedy, but the problem is that when it’s attempting to be funny and chatty, it just drags on and on then there’ll be this weird shift in tone where the audience has to watch Ryan Reynolds brood on screen. I may have watched an episode of “Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place,” but I’ve never seen a film with Ryan Reynolds in it. His performance just left me with one question, how does he consistently get work? He’s probably one of the worst actors I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen myself act and I was voted the worst actor in my directing class, so I know a thing or two about bad acting. Why place all of the dramatic moments upon the shoulders of the star of Waiting? The film could’ve been brilliant, but it was too all over the place.

Maybe I didn’t like the film because I was in a somewhat full theater of people who appeared to be enjoying the film. I wanted to be the lone person in the audience who enjoyed it. Have you ever had that feeling?

I was talking to various people about this idea the other day and we all seem to agree that Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams need to make another film together. No Notebook part 2 business, but you know, something younger and a little modern. They don’t even have to have scenes together, but a film where Rachel McAdams can finally act her age and what not.

Nothing Is The Only Thing You Ever Seem To Have

2007-01-24T08:35:00.000-08:00

Apparently this is the time of the year or at least according to psychologists and other stuffy suited individuals, this is the time of the year where a majority of us feel like the way Artie Lange looks. So, I don’t blame you if you can’t be stoked on a lot of stupid shit. I’m having difficult myself, but there are few things here and there. But I still don’t blame if you’re bumping a lot of stuff with Neil Young jamming on a harmonica. It’s not okay to listen “Intervention” by the Arcade Fire a lot though. That tune is the new “Bro Hymn” or at least Indie103 is playing it as it’s the new “Bro Hymn” and it’s just too much of a bummer. You know a Neil with a harmonica and acoustic guitar tune is something that you are supposed to share your bummed out feelings with where as you know Arcade Fire are like, ‘our lives are really messed up, too, but you know we’re gonna be really upbeat about it and borderline cinematic with it. They’re just jerks. Although, jerks who make pretty good music.

Please be sure to check out Bus Driver’s new album, “Roadkillovercoat” now streaming on MySpace. This album has been on repeat more often than the new LCD Soundsystem album and may be the reason why I’m so out of touch with rock music these days.

I’m not sure how much traction this concept has, but I’m starting to get serious about this idea of DJ Skeet On Mischa (holla if you hear me) and doing ironic rap nights at various bars. None of this real Hollywood bars business because who wants to be on an episode of “The Hills”? Especially if it’s an episode where that creepy Spencer guy talks about how he’s going to take Aundrea on the same exact date he took Heidi on two days earlier (what a creep!) Never the less, I think I have an idea of how this DJ thing could work out for me without learning how to mix and what not. There’s software that take care of that business, right? It’s all about song selection, which shouldn’t be that hard. A little Lil Wayne and the mixing software should be able to handle mixing like for example, “Leather So Soft,” with say a Cold War Kids tune. And I got a laptop and an iPod, so my digital crates are in order, if you will. Now a lot of mix tape DJs use various gun shot sound effects in their sets and it seems like a good idea, but you know, one has to be different from the rest. I figure instead of gunshots, I’d just use soundboards during the songs. So if I was playing “Go Getta” by Young Jeezy featuring R Kelly, I’d just smash buttons on the Karloff soundboard or smashing buttons on a Napoleon soundboard during a Giant Drag tune. You know, it’s all the same, but it makes the overall musical experience a tad more interesting. Maybe, this is actually just an admission that I want to be a wacky morning zoo type of DJ except with the options of playing aforementioned tunes by like Giant Drag.

It should be noted that I don’t know the name of the type of sirens and whistles that most DJs nowadays. I wish I knew the name of it.

Also, what happened to Goldenfiddle? I hope Spencer Sloan isn't going the way of that guy who sang that "you had a bad day" tune. Whatever happened to that dude?

I tried for a while to come up with a clever caption for this, but you know, here are some boobs, take it or leave it.

Why is it when I finally find an Andy Samberg digital short to be funny it’s not the one all over YouTube and MySpace? Did anybody else see the “Nurse Nancy” sketch? The brilliant send up of Eddie Murphy’s upcoming film Norbit where Samberg plays actor Scott Garbaciak who happens to play every single character in the film, Nurse Nancy. It was amazing; so why isn’t it all over the place like a dick in a box? I find MacGruber anywhere, but a simple Andy Samberg sketch where he doesn’t come off as the second coming of Jimmy Fallon can’t be found at all.

I don’t really have much to say on the matter of the Academy Awards for this year. Other than Children of Men was robbed as well as Sacha Baron Cohen for Best Actor. It was cool to see that Ryan Gosling was nominated for Half Nelson as well as Mark Wahlberg for The Departed but we all know that Alec Baldwin gave the film’s best performance.

And finally, I think I feel comfortable in saying that I don’t have to watch “Heroes” anymore. I watched the big comeback episode the other day and I was neither wowed nor frustrated. I kept on asking myself why I am watching this, but not in a good or fun way. You know the show was just flat out boring. Maybe I got distracted by the fact that where the Radiation Dude lives in the desert is probably the same site where they shot a few scenes for David Lynch’s Lost Highway and why isn’t that film available on DVD yet? I don’t know nothing happened that made me want to tune for next week’s episode. I felt slightly complete, if you will.

Pleather So Soft

2007-01-21T22:56:00.001-08:00

I should be excited by the fact that “Heroes” is coming back tonight because as many of you may know that my favorite Bad Religion album is “Suffer,” and that’s what I like to do when I watch TV, suffer through bad acting and horrendous dialogue. But right now, I’m not sure if my body and mind can handle watching something because it’s so bad. I’m not sure if I could be hooked back into that storyline after so long. Sure, I solved most of my problems with the show by simply fast forwarding through the stuff involving the stripper and her boring family. It may only shave off five or seven minutes off an episode, but those are five minutes in which I could use to do more valuable and important things like being disappointed by the Keely Hazell sex tape or looking for a leaked copy of the new Arcade Fire album or talking about how awesome Clive Owen is in Children of Men. More important and valuable things to do with one’s time, but if I’m fast forwarding through one particular storyline that’s bad, why not fast forward through most of it? Most of the series’ character arcs aren’t that compelling or interesting, but they fit into the overall storyline, which is why we suffer. The bigger picture of the story is good, but I’m not sure if it’s better than what’s going on with “24” this season. “24,” on the other hand in the matter of 4 episodes has turned most of Valencia and the outskirts of L.A. County into something straight out of The Road Warrior. I wouldn’t be surprised to see if Jack Bauer’s new partner from CTU is the Feral Kid or at least a variation of the Feral Kid in a Ben Sherman button up and a snazzy blazer.

I still would like to see a season of “24” where Jack Bauer and everybody else just has a normal day. Granted it would be the most boring 24 episodes of television, but it still would be pretty interesting to see the producers of the show over dramatize Chloe waiting at the Apple Genius Bar or Bill Buchanan shopping for suits. These characters have to have a life beyond saving the world every couple of months. Let’s bottle rocket things up a little bit.

Then again, my suggestions of bottle rocketing things up a little bit have never ever worked out. Then again, I’ve never known anybody to listen my suggestions in the first place.

At the time I wrote this, these bands were the only Coachella bands confirmed thus far. The official and full line up should be announced later today, but I’m wondering why Goldenvoice hasn’t embraced the hipster community’s fondness for mainstream/commercial rap. There’s been many hip hop acts on the various Coachella line ups, but don’t you think it’d be more interesting to see like Lil’ Wayne doing a set at sunset as opposed to hearing more boring power ballads from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The bookers need to think outside the box or if you will, bottle rocket things up and pick more exciting rap acts to play at Coachella. Sure, the rider for the Dip Set might be insane, but wouldn’t it be more fun to see a bunch of kids wearing Muslim scarves in 100 degree heat doing the ballin’ dance. Sure, the Roots might be great live and all, but do you know anybody that could tell you a name of Roots song outside of the song that they did with Cody Chestnutt a couple of years ago. But I bet most people could name you at least one Wu Tang song, so why not book Rae and Ghost to do a set?

Pay Attention!

2007-01-18T08:06:00.000-08:00

This is getting to be re-god damn diclious. Drama & Cannon arrested for making mixtapes, what's the deal? I know one thing for certain, I'll be glued to my Sirius radio on Friday night to hear their radio show.

Unrelated, but I've finally caught up on the new season of "24"; shit is like Apocalypse Now.

Of Modern Measure

2007-01-17T08:09:00.000-08:00

I never thought I’d get to this point in my life, but I’m actually starting to enjoy going to work, even if it’s just an internship. It’s still work all the same. And oddly, I want to come in more days a week even if it means spending more time stuck behind a conked out BMW in the third lane. I feel like as if I’m in Elementary school all over again and you know, the day that I don’t come into the office is the day that like the anti drug robot from the local police department shows up and like the entire fourth grade chases the robot around the school. I worry that something on that level of cool is going to happen while I’m not there. I’m not expecting rappin’ robots or anything, but I worry that I’m going to miss like somebody bringing cupcakes or some other sugary treat.

Speaking of rappin’, I think Passion of the Weiss may have forgotten to include my new favorite rapper, Hip Hop Harry on that awful rappers list. Frankly, I’d rather do the Harry than rockin’ my hips.

While on the subject of rap music, I like the “Make It Rain” (Remix) a lot. Maybe even more than the original classic; it’s the same song for the most part, but there’s something rather special about R. Kelly’s rapping/singing and that verse from the Pan's Labyrinth of rap music, Lil Wayne. I think why people all over Weezy these days isn’t due to lyrical skills, it’s largely due to the way he pronounces words. I like Wayne on the remix because he says umbrella in a comical manner. The video should be a remake of this scene though.

I missed the first hours of the new season of “24,” but I’ve purchased the DVD, so I’m about to embark on a fun game of catch up. For me, Fox releasing a DVD of the season premiere of “24” is perhaps one of the best business moves in a long time. The DVD, I assume is bare bones, but it doesn’t matter, it provides the viewing audience at large the chance to catch up with their favorite show and to get new viewers into the show. The DVR is a reliable, but it’s not the most reliable. Sometimes, there could be a recording error or it runs long and it cuts off during a tense moment. And downloading or pick up episodes off of iTunes, you know is good, but you have to watch it on your computer and who knows how long it’ll take if you’re downloading an episode off of a Bit Torrent. And watching an episode of “Heroes” on NBC’s site is good in theory, but you know the quality of video leaves more to be desired. So why aren’t more networks acting like Fox and selling DVDs of four episodes every month or so for 10 bucks. A twenty two episode season even with multiple DVD releases of four to five episodes will still net a large profit. There’ll still be the nerds like me who’ll drop the sixty bucks for the big box set, but also, think of the casual viewer who may have a crowded Monday night and would be easier for them to pick up a DVD.

Which brings up another point, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to complain about “Heroes” as often as I would starting next week. Classes until ten o’clock on Monday night and an early Tuesday morning. Not necessarily sure if missing an episode or two, is going to chance my opinion on the show. It’s great as I can fast forward through any scene involving that Stripper mom and her boring family.

It’s been a while, but never the less, Rachel B rocks that knit cap very well, but I’ve seen it done better and it was last weekend. But more importantly, we all should all be on the prowl for brilliance from the Barton Sisters, who apparently are the second coming of the Brontë sisters or dare I even say it, the Gish sisters.

Wow. I’m not sure if I could be anymore obscure with that one. Thank goodness for Wikipedia or even I wouldn’t get the joke that I was trying to make it. Not to mention, once one gets off the caption trolley, it’s really, really hard to get back into it. I honestly believe I’ve ran out of colorful ways to talk about models messing around with each other and girls from congazagas university. I have bigger fish to fry and worry about that then taking about how this girl was probably a band aid that cut out of Cameron Crowe’s Almost Famous or make some statement like if Kate Hudson was like this all the time, I’d probably like her.

The other night, I was at a bar with Robin Brown, but not to be confused with this Robin Brown or this Robin and you know some crummy band was playing. Some people danced, but it was mostly drunk girls cause it was the first night of a three day weekend. After the band finally left the stage, a DJ took over and he started playing some Juelz Santana. I got really excited, figuring that the dude would be playing a set filled of ironic, or at least to the mostly hip ( for the Orange Curtain; there were a couple of Cory Kennedy wanna bees in the mix), ironic rap tunes. Maybe some Clipse and I was on the verge of walking over and making a request because I figured that the guy might be somewhat on his shit, but the whole rest of his set or at least until they yelled ‘last call,’ were mash ups that he got at some record store. There weren’t even home made or downloaded off some MySpace (Hi thereHoop Dreams). It was so disappointing and even sadder than I thought about making some requests. Is there even a protocol about making requests in a bar with a DJ? I assume that if it’s Smiths night at the bar, then it’d be okay to request some Morrisey song, but you know, do I just let the guy do his thing? Maybe, I should get that mix and match software that everybody else uses on their laptops and become a DJ. DJ Skeet On Mischa, holla if you hear me.

Give me some time and I’ll be back in the thick of it.

Oh, Bondage...

2007-01-10T08:39:00.000-08:00

I know it’s been a while and I really don’t know where exactly to begin. Things have been pretty good lately. Bummer about “The OC” getting canceled, but I think, collectively, we all quit watching that show a long time. Some people sooner than others, but its okay. Some of us are a little more optimistic and hopeful and thought that maybe, just maybe they could turn things around after that second season. Somebody asked me if I was going to change the name of the blog cause the show was canceled, but I think or at least, I want to believe that the skeet on… empire has moved beyond being a blog with a wacky name and really awful sentence structure. There’s still a fair amount of run on sentences, but at least, it’s spelled correctly this time around or at least I want to believe that’s spelled correctly this time around.

With that said, bullet points (please feel free to discuss):

Local favorite Bus Driver’s new album, “Roadkillovercoat,” is probably my favorite rap or hip hop album since Ghostface’s “Fishscale”. Please check out this album at the end of month or just go to the link and listen to “The Troglodyte Wins” over and over again like I’ve been doing the last couple of weeks.

One can view scenes from the restored version of Jodorowsky's Holy Mountain here. For some insane reason, neither the El Topo or Holy Mountain revival is making its way to Southern California. Shitty to the same the least.

“Phantom” by Justice may be the best song of 2007 or at least right now, easily top five songs of the year. It should be noted that I’m not saying this because the song samples a piece of the score from Dario Argento’s wonderfully bloody classic Tenebre.

I still don’t understand why Adult Swim continues to hid a show like “Frisky Dingo,” while it gives a prime time slot for a shit storm known as “Assy McGee.” “Frisky Dingo” is not only really funny, but it’s probably the best serialized super hero story on TV right now. DVRS were invented, so you can check out this show and it’s why people put shows on the internet. Get into it.

I used to love the 405. You know, it treated me okay and I never treated it bad in return. Sure, I never bought her a gift, but you know, what did I do to deserve to be stuck in the madness known as the crawl on the 405 right around LAX or Lawndale? Maybe it’s the construction or maybe it’s just this week because everybody is going back to work, but the 405 has quickly become a personal nightmare.

The new LCD Soundsystem album is pretty killer. I told a friend that it’s the best album of 2007 back in 2006.

I wish that this movie was out on DVD.

Is it me or is the new MTV dating game show, “Exposed” built entire around the concept of the ugly friend? There’s the attractive suitor and in some van, is the ugly friend asking all kinds of cockblocking. Well, I shouldn’t say, ugly friend, because, we’re all pretty foxy in our unique, beautiful way, but you know what I mean. It just seems weird that the some Abercrombie model type dude is best friends with a mutant from table 8 whose got a fistful of zingers. These shows are bad enough as is, but they don’t need to be this bad or rubbing it in the commercially unattractive person’s face. And from the few episodes, I’ve caught of the show, it doesn’t seem as if they’re going after really hot people anymore to be on the show. Does anybody recall when you’d tune into an MTV reality show and be all sorts of out of handness going on? It’s barely getting to the level of that slight rush one gets from drinking Vitamin water.

And finally, I’ve finally seen Children of Men. I’ve seen it twice and I honestly could watch a couple more times before it leaves the theaters. It was the best film of 2006. It was everything I hoped and wanted from this film. Go watch it again. Seriously.

At The Drive In Status

2006-12-26T23:00:00.000-08:00

I wouldn’t call it a hiatus in the At The Drive In since or even for that matter the Sleater-Kinney or the type of hiatus that has fallen upon many television programs such as “The Nine.” I feel bad about that because I was all aboard that trolley, but after the third episode, I lost interest in the story of those particular characters. With that said, it should be noted that the skeet on… empire is going on hiatus for a bit. Not sure if it’s a long while or a short while, but the writing has been on the wall for quite a while now.

Much like my favorite Diplomats song of 2006, I’ve been losing my love for this shit like Juelz Santana on “The Movement Moves On”. I’m finding it hard to get on here and to complain about stuff. You know, who cares about how shitty I think the film The Good Shepard is. (You should avoid it at all costs and I even regret watching it at a free screening [although, if you’re interested in free screenings, check out Campus Circle]). Perhaps, its burn out. I’m not sure, but I just assume that everything in the next couple of weeks are going to be fairly crazy for me. So, I’m not sure if I’ll be up to the task of writing about “Heroes” or complain about how the internet should just calm down about new Arcade Fire and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah albums. There’ll be a backlash and all, but I still think the kids are going to be a little over zealous on the matter.

I’ll come back eventually; it’ll just be later rather than sooner unless like Nicole Richie goes nuts or something like. It should be noted that I’ll probably be calling into SCEPH each week to talk about shit.

Rocky Music

2006-12-18T09:59:00.000-08:00

Watch Little Children; it's like Happiness but with pretty people and for at least me,it has some jaw dropping sequences.

And avoid The Good German at all costs. This dude at the theater slept all the way through the thing; granted, he was already sleep when I climbed over him to get a seat during the trailer for Factory Girl, but still, the dude slept through the whole thing at the Grove. Little Children, which is about 40 minutes longer than The Good German felt shorter in comparsion. I don't know what happened to Soderbergh. I thought he was back to normal after making the amazing Bubble, but nope. The Good German is like Solaris bad.

Still got some serious x-mas shopping left to do.

The Actually Interesting People List

2006-12-14T08:17:00.000-08:00

For me and my dollars, it’s difficult to believe that Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi is the most fascinating or interesting person of 2006. Sure, in November, she became the speaker of the house and all, but she really hasn’t done anything yet to make her interesting. Yeah, she’ll have the power in 2007 to make change and guess what, in 2007, she’ll be interesting and a critical figure. It’s too early, hence the skeet on… empire list of actually interesting people 0f 2006.

This year marked the transition of the Howard Stern show from the constricted confines of regular radio to censor free, satellite radio. Sure, the show is funnier than it has been in years, but at the same time, the once extremely open Stern has gone into a shell a bit. Stern doesn’t seem as open with his personal life as he was once; then again, perhaps, his personal life has really become playing chess and watching episodes of “Dancing with the Stars” on TIVO. On the other hand, Stern show sidekick and professional sidekick, Artie Lange has reluctantly turned his own personal life into radio gold. From his weight struggles to his on air admittance of his heroin problem (he’s been clean for a year) to the saga that was his break up with longtime girlfriend, Dana, Lange returned the Howard Stern Show back to the days of being a confessional. Also, in an era where many comedians attempt to market themselves as being the comedian for the work or if you will, blue collar comedy, Lange is perhaps the only true blue collar comic working today. Not to mention, the pairing of Lange and “Star Trek” star George Takei as well as the on air fights with Wack Pack member, Crazy Alice has created some of the greatest moments in the Stern show’s 20 plus year history.

In a world where people are often famous for doing nothing, it’s refreshing to see a celebrity like Cory Kennedy. It seems as if she doesn’t even know why she’s famous to begin with. Her blog has turned name dropping into an art form, but more importantly, it’s a look behind the velvet rope; example this post about a party at Paris Hilton’s house.

It’s hard to explain why some people are interesting, other than saying, the dude made me care about something other than myself for once in my life. Keith Olbermann, especially with his 9/11 editorial has brought a return to the old fashion news anchor. Olbermann may wear his political beliefs on his shelve, but it’s refreshing to see a progressive anchor on television who’ll frequently take the current administration to task. For political as Olbermann appears, he does not allow for his show to be bogged down in it; creating a blend of hard journalism with the comedic light news and pieces of popular culture.

On the complete opposite end of the journalism spectrum lies Sal Masekela, the co anchor of E!’s “The Daily Ten.” In an era of creepy male reporters and over botox’ed women, Masekela is probably the only likeable guy in the entertainment news reporting. One can tell that he could give a shit about the guy Britney Spears was seen with. Also, one has to wonder how he hasn’t attacked Debbie Matenopoulous yet.

Ashlee Simpson’s plastic surgeon is only interesting because for most people, it turned into what some may consider an 8 into a solid 9, in terms of looks. It finally or at least it should finally put over while Ashlee Simpson may have not have the best voice and seem rather fake, she’s more attractive than her sister, Jessica Simpson. Rhinoplasty works.

Officer James Mee of the Malibu Sheriff Department is the man who pulled over Mel Gibson. Indirectly, this is man whose responsible for all of those bad Mel Gibson jokes and slightly unrelated, all those Michael Richards jokes, too. Not to mention, Mee has a bold sense of fashion, rocking a fanny pack and all.

Okay, Nicole Richie with the recent DUI arrest slightly changed why skinny girls were interesting this year. Richie was extremely over exposed, but managed to display a great sense of humor on the few episodes of the bizzaro “The Simple Life,” I caught. Kate Bosworth is the most interesting of the trio, since she was one of the reasons why Superman Returns tanked this summer. Bosworth besides trying to co opt the look of Leigh of the Misshapes, she’s just unlikable. And Knightley is only interesting cause she was in Domino last year, but a film like that goes a long way with me.

Ghostface made two great albums this year that both feature equally amazing songs (“Big Girl” off of “Fishscale” and “Block Rock” off of the most recent, “More Fish”). Rap music is primarily built around a good single. Rappers just try to make great singles where as Ghostface just went out there and made good music regardless if it will get airplay or not.

Jessica Biel isn’t interesting, but her publicist is. Apparently while I was sleeping the other night, Biel became an A list celebrity and movie star without ever being in a hit film or a real success TV series (“7th Heaven” doesn’t count), so one has to hand it to her publicist for consistently and constantly putting her out there. Call me dumb but I thought in order to be a movie star, one had to have been in at least one hit movie and not just have a great ass.

Jonathan Dayton & Valerie Faris made a really great film called Little Miss Sunshine and they directed a bunch of cool videos, too.

On the Phone Part '93

2006-12-14T07:37:00.000-08:00

The thing about Almodóvar’s Volver is the little you know about the film, the better it’s going to be. I thought it was going to be one thing and I was happily surprised that the film went into a completely different direction. Beautifully shot, great acting; just a refreshing break for what’s out there currently.

Also, anybody heard anything about Zhang Yimou’s Curse of the Golden Flower? Has that House of Flying Daggers vibe, but minus all the poetic junk.

Point Break

2006-12-13T08:11:00.000-08:00

While the film has already been released in Europe and will even be out on DVD in February, Alfonso Cuarón’s Children of Men is still going to be released in America probably in limited release on Christmas and wider release in January. I presume that Universal has held the film back for Oscar consideration, but I’m never known the Academy to be cool with Sci-Fi films even they have breath taking cinematography. I started to forget about this film; the last time I saw a trailer for it was like five months ago. Films like Dreamgirls, I hear people talk about it every single day; sure it could be good, but you know, where’s the love for a dirty Sci-Fi movie with Clive Owen in it?

Since, school is sorta finished for the year, I think I’ll finally make a trip out to the movies. I just have to wonder if any body else is sick of the film, Dreamgirls. It’s about to become as over hyped as Borat was in the beginning. Can’t there be hype for another film out there currently? Or at least combine all over the over hyped things about 2006 into one, big shit storm of a film. It’s like part Dreamgirls but about celebrity babes, so you know one has that whole Suri Cruise angle covered and there could be some bit about racist character actors and I don’t know what else. I think that I’m making things worse by talking about the film, Dreamgirls, but everybody else needs to ease up on it. I thought nobody liked Beyonce any more, so why all the chatter?

Passion of the Weiss is putting shame in your end of the year list game. The dude has had a new ten best list every day since last Wednesday. Geez, I can barely find 10 people to do the actually interesting people of 2006, but that list should be coming tomorrow morning if all goes according to plan.

Any movie recommendations for the winter break?

Dirty Trip

2006-12-12T09:19:00.000-08:00

If anything has been lacking in these parts over the last few months, it’s been a sense of angry and frustration. Sure, there’s the Tuesday morning bitch session about why I am still watching “Heroes” week after week, but that argument is built entirely on my stupidity. I’m the sucker who continues to watch the show week after week because I’m hooked in the storyline and yet the horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible acting and piss poor visuals haven’t stopped me yet. And I mean, the writing its self isn’t even that good to begin with. I guess, if anything, I’m just attracted to the show’s sense of structure and foreshadowing. Getting to the point, if there’s one, I believe that I’m actually mad at something for the first time in a while.

Sure, there have been moments at school the past couple of weeks that have made me upset, but that’s neither here nor there. What I don’t understand and will probably never understand is who thought the show, “Twentyfourseven” would be a good idea? I wouldn’t even want my bitter fiends, foes and enemies to watch a show like this. I was going to suggest that the US government should use this show as a form of torture for prisoners, but I believe that they’re getting together to create a four protocol for the Geneva Convention to prevent any future abuse. It’s bad and awful and frustrating and grating, but the more important question is how did these guys get their own show? I admire their conviction and ability to hustle, if you will, but at the same time, I’m still grasping to understand why they are on TV. The one guy dates Haylie Duff, so he gets to have his own reality show? That does not make any sense nor is it fair. Well, then again, it actually does make sense because in Hollywood, it’s all about whom you know and apparently, even in the biblical sense of the term. We’ve started to sink lower and lower in the reality TV food chain.

First, it was regular people, but they weren’t that interesting after a while. Famous people replaced real people, but famous people weren’t interesting enough, so they were also replaced. Famous people were replaced by famous people who hadn’t been famous in a while doing wacky stunts. Now, we’ve reached the point where it’s the boyfriend of the sister of the girl who was on “Lizzie McGuire.” I’d say, what’s next, bloggers with their own reality show, but sadly, I believe that’s happening. So, what’s next in this famous person reality TV show food chain? A show about the guy who cleans pools in Malibu or a show about the assistant to the guy who cleans celebrities’ pools in Maliboobs?

There has to be a greater justification as to why these guys are on TV other than being a reality version of “Entourage”. For the most part, the guys on “twentyfourseven” fit into the “Entourage” arch types. The singer guy is Drama, except instead of track pants, he wears BAPE knock off hoodies with a mo hawk. The main guy is E, but nowhere as likeable and relatable as E, and for the most part, the rest of the people on the show are as annoying and as useless as Turtle. What makes “Entourage” a show that one is willing to sit through is Ari Gold. There’s nobody on this fake show as charismatic and compelling as Ari. You love to hate Ari, but with the dudes on the other show, you just hate them irregardless.

Irregardless of the comparisons to “Entourage,” who are the viewers rooting for to become successful and famous? They’re never presented in a likeable fashion. Well, take it back, the filmmaker dude seems cool, but everybody else just seems like the biggest asshole on the face of the planet. They all seem like they would be the guys who in their giant truck would ride right on your trail with the hi beams on, assuming that this will make one good faster in the midst of twilight terror.

Cipes, that hippie guy, honestly just makes me want to melt the polar ice caps. You know, stand on one of them with him watching me as I take a blowtorch to an iceberg, melt it, all the while, eating one of those disgusting Philly cheesesteak hamburgers from Carl’s Jr. Actually, make it two of those burgers, while melting the polar ice caps. Sure, it’d upset Al Gore, but it’d make the hippie guy really bummed. Devendra Banhart, while me bug most people, made hippies seem cool to me; Johnny Knoxville called himself a hippie, so you know, hippies were becoming cooler, but then I see this guy talking about positive molecules in your water and wondering where the money you pay taxes on goes, I single handily wanted to bring on global warming that exact moment in time.

Also, this show just makes me wonder even more what has become of MTV. I know that they’ve stopped playing videos a long time ago; they rarely play videos on MTV2; you gotta have one of the special MTVs on digital cable in order to watch music videos. But you know, does anybody else remember during the hey day of Spike Jonze; putting MTV on, in a glimmer of hope that maybe you’d see some new video by Spike Jonze. Or being glued to the TV because there was a sneaking suspicion that they were going to show the video for “Let Forever Be” at a certain time. Granted, video watching has been easy recently, but at the same time, it’s better to see a video on a TV than shrink to fit the computer screen.

The point being, long gone are the days of hoping to catch a great video and it’s been replaced by the fear of running into the 14th replay of “twentyfourseven” that day or worse, “Real World: Denver.” Why haven’t they changed the name of “The Real World” to “Sluts in a Glasshouse”? For the next season, why don’t the producers cut through the bullshit and have the Real World house be in an actual bar and have their ‘job’ be running a bar.